No using the word no! practical parenting
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My daughter was taking classes in Early Childhood Development at the local JVS school. She came home one day and told us that her teacher made it mandatory to never...ever use the word "No" when communicating with children. She claimed that the word "No" was a negative word and the children do not need to be trained with negativity.
My first thought was, "Dumb.Ass!"Â My second thought was, "Idiot!"
For example: Johny is stabbing Suzy with his pencil. Teacher says."Johny...we must be positive in our actions.....it is good that you only stabbed Suzy 3 times this time....you get a gold star on your very creative picture of mommy with a noose on her neck ...love...love...love Johny...now go sharpen your pencil...please sweetie?"
Me as the Teacher: Johnny stabs Suzy with pencil. I pick little Johny's ass up....look him in the eye and calmly say," No Johny....you need to learn the word, "NO".....if you don't learn the word ,"NO".....I will give all of the girls in class a nice sharp pencil.....do you understand....Johny?"
Scenario A......4 year old Johny runs toward busy street. Mommy catches Johny...tells Johny with positive reinforcement," Johny...those biggie cars could possibly give Johny a booboo...it is so good that Johny can run fast.....mommy loves...loves...loves Johny!"
Scenario B......Johny runs towards busy street again.....Mommy can't use the negative,"No" word...so she shouts,"Johny...remember the biggie cars can"....SPLAT!
I can't count the times that I have seen parents lose control of their children in restaurants, stores and other public places. Our children knew early on that we meant what we said. Tammy and I have said "NO" to our kids hundreds of times. We even developed a "NO" look.
The world is going to say "NO" for a human beings entire life. We prepare our children for the world ....they need to socialize with the world and they need to learn how to deal with the world. Sheltering children to extremes from reality will only hurt them throughout their lives.
The world is not a positive place for the most part. Much of the world is filled with ruthless and selfish people. Children need to know how to discern the motives and actions of people. The word, "NO" is far more important than the word,"YES!"
Yes, we have to love our children enough to say, "NO!"
Using the word......NO
Do you tell your children NO?
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Comments
Thanks dori....good point...teach facts...not opinions. Thanks! :)
Hi Tom.. I believe that in this "yes" society, parents of today definitely need to use the word "NO" much, much more. This was a great topic for discussion for parents with children of any age, and gives a lot of room for thought. I really enjoyed reading another great hub from you. Keep them coming.. you are so versatile in your writing selections and I sincerely love coming back each time to visit.
I have noticed when I go into the classrooms, that a teacher rather than tell a child that is acting wrongly..... will say everyone "look at so and so, I am going to give him a bonus mark for his body language, and good behavior".. Often the erring child, who also would like a bonus point, since it could mean a treat at the end of the week, will copy so and so...
It is different at home though, there has to be definite no's... loved this hub, thanks for sharing.
no no no no no , 'no' is a word that is encountered almost every day, if a child never experiences it, what then would happen when someone dares to say it to them? I wonder!!
Never say no to a child? I shudder to think of the consequences of that!
Tom, this is very funny, but with a serious message. I'm with you!
This logic has done more harm than good over the last twenty years. Kids must understand that things don't always go their way and that there are rules to follow. There were actually some schools that would not use games where you keep score because that don't want any kids to feel bad. That is insane. How is that preparing a child for life?
Tom
The teacher must be a big fan of Chicken Soup for the Soul-type of books. Good point! :D
Thank you all so much for commenting. "No" can be one of the most wonderful and useful words....hindsight in our own lives can prove it. Thanks again! :)
My boys hear the word 'NO' about a thousand times a day! Makes me think of an old Bill Cosby skit about the dad always yelling at the sons, they thought their names were dammit and Jesus Christ. My son probably thinks his name is Carsen No. hahaha
don't tell kids no, what a joke!
It it weren't for, "NO! Stop!" My oldest would have been 'Spat!'
I use the word, once, then the "look" and it's done. There's a place for building self-esteme and positive reinforcement. But dangit, there's a place for "NO!"
Thank you Tom, for boldness to say No with humor!
Yeah, psychology courses have been contributing to this. While psychology has been useful, it's definitely not flawless.
This brand of psychology is a load of Rhinoceros poo.
Being positive is good. However, it is our job as a parent to teach our children. No, allows them to learn right, wrong, safe, not safe, and so forth. Good parenting involves judicious use of this and similar words and phrases. Nice hub.
mulberry1...thanks....well said. :)
"No" is very useful especially for kids...My kids learned very young not to ask for anything at the store BEFORE we even left the house. The "look" was enough while at the store. Naturally, "NO" would be most useful when something dangerous is about to happen ( your Splat scenario) So I agree with you completely!
Zabbella.....I forgot to mention preparation of "NO." Glad you added it here. Thanks much! :)
Love the hub!! I definitely believe in saying "NO"....:-)
caitlinlea...thank you....sometimes it's the best word of all.
Children definitely need to learn to accept no as an answer, also.
advisor4qb...thanks....good point. :)
ever hear one of those idiots trying to reason with a two-year-old? blows me away every time.
good hub Tom :)
Madame X......I know what you mean.....thanks! :)
Hi Tom, another great hub.
I think that in all things there must be balance. When it comes to raising kids though I think it is better to err on the positive side. I think my parents went a bit too much onto the other side, and while it did not make me seriously non-functioning :), it did affect me and still affects me today.
shibashake...thanks.....good point....negatives can definitely be over used in raising children. We need to balance the - and the + always if we can. Thanks again. :)
Interseting article and some really good points you make! Saying no is just being cruel to be kind in the long run!!
No aand don't touch! Too many of these pervets were never told by mommy not to touch either. Very important stuff here Tom. Hey, do you ever check yer email? I have an invite for you if ya ever do. very important stuff there too my man. humph
compu-smart.....thanks....so true! :)
ralwus.....thanks Charlie...yip....already did it. :)
yeah...i totally agree to your idea.... kids must learn to accept reality that the world won't give everything they desire... right Tom!
anne....thanks.....yes...that idea has gotten us all in the trouble we are in today....thanks again! :)
GREAT GREAT GREAT HUB!! While I'm not a parent, I am a god mother to a number of toddlers....and the word NO needs to be used a lot more frequently with them. I don't understand why parents today are so afraid of 1) telling their children "NO" and 2) of disciplining their children...even with spankings (of course i'm not talking about BEATING). I'm 24, so my mom was from the baby boomer generation. A generation that had to go pick their switches to get spankings with. That was a generation that grew up to be self respecting, to have morals, to be innovative, and not expecting things to be handed to them in life! Today's youth are in for a world of hurt once they enter the real world...they've been coddled for far too long. Life will hit HARD.
Beauty Speaks...thanks much!....sounds like you will be a wise mom....respect is everything...in adults and children. Thanks again! :)
The first word all three of my children spoke was, "No!"
If they can use it, so can I!
James...thanks....good point! :)
I agree, the word "NO" is important for children to know. The same people who don't want to use that word because it is negative are the same people who ruin sports for children by not keeping score and giving everyone on every team a trophy...it's retarded.
Adam....I agree..."No" is a large part of learning in life. How can we learn to reach any goals if the goals have nothing to do with overcoming the negative to reach the positive?
fortunerep says:
5 months ago
I think I have said no repeatedly today and a couple by mistake. A teacher teaching that should not be allowed. That is her opinion not facts. Great Hub
dori