There is a subject that has tugged at my heart, so personal, so troubling that I've thought about it at least once a week, since childhood. It's a subject matter that affects all of us. It's a issue that touches every family, one way or another.

It's about losing our boys to outdated and misguided educational systems. We've lost far too many boys to teaching approaches that aren't working and haven't worked for decades.

Today in America, it's said that children are less likely to graduate from high school than their parents. There are darker realities hidden within that statement:

• First, our boys are at a greater risk than our daughters in not getting a diploma, or moving on to higher education. Eighty percent of drop outs are male.
• Second, the problems boys have in learning, start way before high school.
• Third, boys are many times more likely to have special learning problems.
• Lastly, the statistics don't reflect the gravity of the situation, as they only count the boys who actually quit school in high school (not factoring in the ones who never make that far).

For me, it's much more personal. It's about boys named Joey, Billy, Dennis, David, Michael, Timmy, Jeff, Brian, Sam, Vinnie, and Rick. It's about how hard they tried, and how we all failed them in different ways. Each of these boys, even the ones who graduated and went on to college, have a story to tell. Their stories that reveal the truths about why some boys struggle and often fail school.

While this hub is focused on boys, these educational problems aren't limited to being a "male" problem. Some girls too, face the same challenges. The issues are different between girls and boys, however, largely because males and females don't learn in the same way.

It's biological and has absolutely nothing to do with one sex being more intelligent, or learning more easily than the other. The problem has more to do with finding the "right way to teach and reach" our children of both genders, so that they have the best chance for success in school and in life. Some of those reasons are:

• Undiagnosed or late diagnosed very real learning disorders and social disorders
• Too little, too late, too ineffective solutions to known learning disabilities
• Outdated teaching methods

I first realized that something was wrong with Joey when he was seven years old, and I was a wiser and much older eight year old. He was always smart, much smarter than other boys his age. He was so intelligent, the nuns at his Catholic school wanted to skip him up a grade, telling his parents he was bored, and needed more challenging work.

Yet, at the same time, Joey was backwards when it came to the other kids on the playground. Bashful and preoccupied, there were times when it seemed like he wasn't in the same world as the rest of us kids. He was fascinated by things that spun around, and would spend his whole recess alone -- twisting an empty swing, releasing it, and watching it spin around.

The nuns said he was gifted, still something was missing. The older we got, the more Joey drifted away from wanting to do anything with us. His life revolved around his extreme focus on his passions. His primary obsession was his collection of anything and everything, that had to do with the fictional character "Zorro."

Sometime before middle school, Joey found school to be so stressful that he became hysterical each day and refused to go. Eventually, the problem was so great that making him go to school was impossible. He just stayed home and never left home. Today, he is in his late fifties, he's never held a job, and never left his parents home. What will happen to Joey when his elderly parents pass away?

His parents consulted many "experts" in the early years before a modern day label for Joey that didn't exist in the 1950s public vocabulary became real -- autism. Back then there wasn't any such thing as early intervention, nor any other support for either the child, schools, or the parents. Joey's case was extreme, but many boys go undiagnosed in the mildest forms of this disorder.

Parents of autistic children (mostly boys) need more support, research, and help in coping with this growing and sometimes little understood disorder. We don't need another generation of Joey's who are left behind and left out of claiming all that life has to offer, including an education.

If they had been born in the same community, in the same decades, I have no doubt that Dennis, David, Dave, Michael, and Sam would have formed the kind of informal boyhood "clubs" little boys form, usually building forts, or just hanging out in a little pack.

They were a disorganized lot when it came to school and homework. Their minds were often bored, and they had a hard time concentrating. It was easy to distract them because quite frankly they could distract themselves with the simplest of things, like watching a fly and trying to catch one.

For the most part, they were just ordinary little boys, not the brightest, but certainly not dumb. They had high energy. If they got a "big idea" they would often run with it without thinking the consequences all the way through. Some of them got in a lot of trouble in school. They were the ones most likely to be sent to the principals office for infractions like:

• Calling out the answers without raising their hands for permission to speak
• Not sitting still
• Getting up from their chairs
• Spitballs
• Being the class clown
• Not taking their turn
• Running when they were supposed to be walking
• Getting out of line

By no stretch of the imagination were they bad boys. Still, their basic personalities contributed to them not being able to learn what was being taught, and caused them a lot of trauma. What happened to my examples?

• Two of them made it through school and received their diplomas, being merely passed along through the school system in an era when their parents were told "they are too big to hold back" and were relegated to taking "easy" classes or special classes. Their lives have been difficult ones and they've never recovered in terms of self-esteem.
• Two of them never even made it to high school before dropping out. With very marginal reading skills, both were plagued by difficulties holding jobs, earning a decent living, and eventually spiraled into dismal lives.
• The youngest, now at age fifteen, has just been held back a grade. His mother has been told he won't graduate, no one is offering any solutions. He has expressed suicidal thoughts and his single parent mom is in melt down mode.

For at least the last twenty years, we've had in place mainstream programs in our schools, for kids who experience learning difficulties, need speech therapy, special educational helps, etc.

Yet, despite the help that many get, we are still losing one in every four students before graduation.

Many boys are getting help, but maybe it's too little and too late?

Over the years I've known a growing number of boys who absolutely had ADHD. While many of these boys had intervention, supportive parents, teachers, and medical help -- they still ended up being "at risk" and not finishing school.

If you research this one condition, you'll find all sorts of "expert" advice -- 98% of it all geared to when your child was little and in grade school. Parents often have little help when they need it the most, when their son becomes a teen and a young man. This was the case with Rick who now is a young adult without a high school diploma, without any real vocational skills, someone who has lost hope and lost his way.

Just because a boy becomes an adult, ADHD doesn't go away. Even worse, the complications and problems of having ADHD intensify into even bigger challenges. Some of them are:

• Mood swings
• Less verbal control over rude remarks
• More problems with interrupting others
• Increasingly lower tolerance for stress
• Unstable
• Quick temper outbursts
• Extreme negativism
• Inability to delay gratification
• Less and less regard for consequences
• Jumping to conclusions

In Rick's case, his mother as a single parent did everything humanly possible to insure that her ADHD son (from the beginning) got all the help he needed. Both she and Rick struggled within the school system, only to be told (in front of him) that there was no way he would ever graduate, no matter how hard he tried. This wasn't a boy who didn't try with all his heart. His ADHD was what it was, and it's truly something he couldn't help.

Now an adult, he's facing the full consequences of living with ADHD in a world he fits in less and less. He's experiencing all the difficulties that come with what ADHD does to relationships, particularly the romantic ones.

As an adult, it is harder and harder for him to manage criticism, or compete for jobs with other males in his peer group. He's easily frustrated and less and less motivated. His relationships with family members are greatly impaired and friends are becoming fewer and fewer. The few relationships he has now, are also more and more less appropriate for his age.

While at the same time his need for approval and friendship is greater than his judgment in determining who is and what a friend is. The realities of where Rick will likely end up are devastating to all who love him.

Billy, Timmy, Jeff and Vinnie -- weren't much different than Joey, Dennis, David, Dave, Sam, and Rick -- only in that while, they each had struggles in school -- they made it through to the other side. They were the lucky ones, the ones who graduated and became enthusiastic life-long self-learners. However, the school system let each of them down numerous times, and the damage it did to their self esteem would take many hubs to explain.

All of the boys I've mentioned are boys who have been in my life in one form or another, my brother, my cousin, etc. As a mother, grandmother, wife, and sometimes teacher -- this is what I know -- Our boys are at risk and endangered academically. We can't afford to lose one more boy. There has got to be better ways to teach our boys.

I was raised to believe if you see a problem, speak out about it. Then, because you spoke up -- be prepared to offer some solutions. Unfortunately, there are no simple solutions to our at risk boys -- and make no mistake almost all boys are "at risk" from the moment they enter school.

Typically, when children start school boys are social less mature than the girls in the same class. Boys are a whole lot less verbal at that age. However, at the same time they a whole lot more physically active. Unfortunately, from the classroom teacher's perspective, a room full of disruptive, somewhat aggressive and more dominant boys isn't a blessing in terms of controlling them.

The average boy, the one who perhaps, doesn't even have any learning problems is not physically capable of learning to read in kindergarten. There are exceptions, but being five years old, boys aren't ready for reading or writing. Elementary school is taught primarily in a manner that best suit's the way girl's brains work. So, boys start out their school careers at a distinct disadvantage.

Additionally, add to the mix, that the vast majority of teachers are women, particularly in elementary school. Today, only a dismal nine percent of elementary teachers are men, out of over three millions teachers in this country. This situation isn't exactly awe inspiring, in terms of male teachers being good role models for boys -- especially when many boys grow up without a father in the home.

It's no secret that the brains of males and females are wired different. Accepting gender differences is key to understanding we need to do better in teaching and reaching our boys.

The male brain is a wonderful organ but it simply develops differently than that of a girl. It's all about hands-on activity and motion. It understands spatial-mechanical. The young male brain has only half the verbal centers that the girls of the same age do. Boys also start out with less fine motor skills than girls. What does all this mean?

Actually, only one thing -- boys learn differently and our schools have failed consistently to teach in a manner that is effective. For the boys who have special needs, and there are many more in that category than those who don't -- this spells academic disaster.

• Hands-on activities because boys learn by doing
• Frequent and extra outdoor play
• Music that includes movement
• Teaching patience building in complicated directions for assembling things
• Outdoor experiences
• Supportive learning
• Making use of alternative media whenever possible to supplement learning
• Figuring out each boy's "currency"
• Reward based learning
• Provide healthy outlets for excess energy
• Adjusting your attitude in understanding that some boys, many boys, most boys are more noisy than their female counterparts
• Teach to their strengths and interests
• Engage them in the process of learning by giving them goals they can actually measure
• Remember a multi-learning approach works best when inspiring boys to learn, include activity, visual stimulation, and sound
• More male teachers and good role models

When it comes to getting boys to be enthusiastic about reading, especially in the early years,

• Make sure what they are reading is relevant to their lives
• Teach reading using both audio and visual "inspirations" to get them excited about what they are going to read
• Non-fiction books about snakes, spiders, etc. are always popular with boys
• Graphic novels
• Fantasy genre books
• Highly structured and well-organized reading sessions work best
• One-on-one learning or reinforcement of learning works well
• Allow as much choice as possible in what they read
• Make sure your boys regularly see "men" who read in their daily lives

Teaching boys and girls separately, in separate classes is nothing new. For centuries it was the norm for Catholic schools in particular. In that setting boys are more supportive of each other, more likely to ask for help, and achieve better self-esteem.

It's pretty simple, a mixed classroom, is a distracted class room. Boys thrive (as do girls) in same sex classes. There are plenty of opportunities for social interaction separate and beyond the classroom.