I spent most of the summer working on the interior of the house.  When it was temperate outside, I worked on weeding my ever populated flowers.  I didn't take a vacation except to the occasional theater, where I could escape into the eyes of a good looking male actor or feel as if I was being whisked off on a trip into outer space!  I had forgotten why it was so necessary for me to take at least one week and do nice things for myself before I began to teach again...I don't have a life once the first child steps foot into the front door of the school.

I have taught for 23 years; 22 of them with special needs children.  My classroom is a K-5 program and I am big on individualization, teaching kids to become independent and academics.  I have never believed that allowing children to play their day away at school benefits them or society when they become adults.  I do incorporate "play" into the lessons to make them seem like less work and my room is decorated with lots and lots of unusual and stimulating paraphernalia to keep their interest.

My room was moved this summer; twice, because of consolidation of 4 elementaries into three.  When I finally dragged myself into the hot, humid building, weeks before the children arrived, I spent three 12 hour days moving furniture, unpacking boxes and setting up a room that I thought would make the children feel welcome, comfortable and would present a homey learning environment.  I feel like I have achieved that as my autistic student recently told me that my room was the coolest! 

I have a table that I use as my desk so that I can face the entire room and also fit most of the students around it.  I have a sensory table in the corner fitted with animal skins that I received years ago, puzzles, skeleton models, globes, putty, playdo, lacing activities, prisms, scales, seashells of all kinds and more.  This table is the favorite area of the children.  It is used as a center while I rotate during reading and math.  My autistic child also uses it throughout the day as we have no sensory room for him to relieve his stress. 

In another corner, I have my 6 foot couch and 1000's of books that the children can read while laying on an Oriental rug or on the couch.  I have two other large Oriental rugs on the floor for sitting and laying as I myself find it difficult to stay in a hard seat the entire day focused.

The fish tank with the two goldfish that ate 10 neon tetras amazes the kids as well as the double Betta fish tank; and the hermit crabs that are unfriendly and hide all the time provide curiosity.  I have a lava lamp, earth ball, neon flamingo, police light, clapping monkey, horn and lots of bright colors around the room.  So many teachers are taught that things like this distract the children; I find that if you provide lots of stimulus to children, they aren't distracted by it as they know it will always be there and they don't feel as if they have to choose between classwork and the stimuli. To be honest, many times, my students don't even notice anything until I have pointed it out!  I am a firm believer also that in order to get those little brain synapses going, the eyes need to have something exciting to look at in order to get the brain interested. 

I have been in overload and overdrive for two weeks now.  I also have shoulders that I can bounce a brick off of and pounding ear pain and frequent migraines.  Why?  The stress of making sure that I have individualized the curriculum for each of my kids.  The stress of meeting state and national guidelines mandated upon the school system. The stress of knowing that I am one of the most important components in my students' lives for the next 9 months and everything that we do in my room will mold them and affect them.  I usually have my kids for 5 years.  They are like my own by the time they leave my classroom.  They need to enjoy coming to my room, otherwise, it's like a prison sentence for them. 

For those who believe teaching is an easy job, I want to let you know that you apparently have never looked into the eyes of a child and realized that you have the most important job in the world.  Teachers get a bad rap; quite a bit.  Yes, I do remember incompetent teachers of my youth; however, I did learn lessons from them on perseverance and what not to do!  Teachers cannot be fully responsible for teaching, counseling, feeding, clothing and raising children in the school system.  I buy food to keep in my room because many of my kids come to school hungry.  I bring in my children's hand me downs because some of my students wear the same shirt and pants for a week.  I eat lunch with and give up my breaks many times to listen to the problems within the home, and know there is nothing I can do but give a hug and an encouraging word.  I cannot expect a child whose mom was beaten the night before, to focus on addition or subtraction.  I can't expect my student who lives with illiterate parents to place a high emphasis on education when his parents can't help him/her and work crappy, low paying jobs just to keep a roof over their head.  The truth however is that the learning needs to continue even after a child leaves the school building.

Teachers also are bound (sometimes it does feel like prison) by state and national guidelines to move through curriculums once most of the class has successfully passed the subject matter.  The USA is also compared to Asian countries and we are told that we are constantly behind in comparison.  What those people also don't point out is the fact that the suicide rate in many of those countries is at an all time high because of the stress and pressures placed on children.  Also, some of those countries don't even allow children from certain income levels, disability groups or areas to attend school.  Why wouldn't their scores be higher when the demographics we are being compared to are children that are privileged enough to go to school and can adequately handle the work?  The United States mandates an education for every child.  Our scores are figured using EVERY child's successes; including the children who struggle academically or those who have a disability.  Not many people realize this.  I also find it difficult to swallow comments that attack teachers as having the summer off, getting paid for time off and having an easy time at their job.

I for one, spend $2500 a year of my own money on my classroom each year.  I have a budget of $400 which buys nothing.  Books are not counted in this, but being a special educator, I can't use the same books as the regular education teachers because they are too difficult for my students.  I create much of my own material; as do many of the other teachers in my building because no text book can perceive how a child will respond to the lesson and if they will need more practice than is given within the binding of the book.  I also take work home with me each night.  I figure that once I leave school around 5:00 (the bell rings for dismissal at 3:45), I work at least 1-2 hours a night in preparing for the next day.  Since I get to school shortly after 8:00 AM, I figure I work an 11 hour day most of the week.  Weekends are spent in the classroom making copies for the kids and preparing folders and figuring out groupings so that every child can meet individually with me through the day at least twice.

Why am I telling you this?  I am behind the wall.  Behind the closed doors, that need to be locked during the day now to keep our children safe from gun toting people who enter schools and shoot innocent children.  I also realize that I will be the blockade between a child and a bullet if such a tragedy ever occurs and I trust that the teachers of my own children would do the same.  I am in the building that over 400 children enter each day and depend on the adults in that building to pick them up if they fall, give them a smile, listen to their ideas; even if riding their bike that weekend has nothing to do with the multiplication facts that the class is learning that moment.  I do not own my life right now.  It will be spent focused on making sure my own children get their homework done, their social problems and fears resolved and their activity calendars set.  Then, the rest of my day and night will focus on my other children; those that walk into my classroom each day with a smile and a ready hug... looking to me for guidance, structure and knowledge.  Wanting to share their stories with me, wanting to feel validated, wanting to learn even though it is so very hard for them sometimes. 

Please don't misconstrue this information as something that is undesirable.  I love my job.  I love the energy.  I love the variety.  The challenges. The children.   I learn as well.  I strive to be the person that the children view me as.  It's just so exhausting, I have remembered much too late why it's important to take some time for just myself each summer.  To clear ones mind emotionally so that its ready to take on new challenges.  To treat ones body with respect and relaxation so that the stresses that throw themselves at me don't seem so exacerbated sometimes.  It's important for all of us to take time for ourselves. 

I think once the first month has passed me by, I can try to focus on planning something to look forward to.  Whether it be taking a walk in the woods each day with my dogs or going to a lake for a weekend and listening to nothing but the waves as they slap upon the sand.  Tranquility doesn't need cost a fortune.

I hope that I also helped you see inside of the life of most teachers.  I know there are some out there that should have retired a long time ago.  I've met many and worked with some in the past.  Most teachers however are dedicated, caring and wish like you, that lower class sizes existed so that your children could have more attention.  That unlimited funds could provide outstanding experiences that your child would never forget.  Sharing a teacher with 27 other kids leaves a child feeling left out.  Imagine having that many kids at home and having to meet all of their needs.  If you can, volunteer to help out at your child's school.  Partner up with the school to become more involved.  If you see something that bothers you, help make positive changes.  Parents and teacher need to partner up for the children. 

Summer's out and school is in.  Welcome back!  I'm determined to make it a great year.