August 22, 2009

I see a little boy running down the hall, six years old, and as he runs into my arms, he bursts into tears. It is the end of his very first day of first grade, and his thermos has leaked (I should’ve known, screwing the lid back on after lunch can be tricky) and all of the papers from his day that he holds out to me are soggy. As I hug him close and console him, I try to dry both his tears and his papers. I promise Max that we will never use that dumb thermos again! His big blue eyes are tear stained, and I am so sad that his first day ended like this. I can picture him perfectly that day, with his silky chestnut hair styled into the infamously popular bowl cut worn by many in 1997. That moment is vividly frozen, all of those years ago, as if it were today.

Kindergarten. At his Fall conference, his teacher complains that Max “deliberates for an inordinate amount of time, pondering in a way that has tried her patience more than once, as he painstakingly decides which color crayons he should use to complete his morning worksheet”. I defend my son, saying that I will try to encourage him to choose his crayon colors more quickly.

Fast forward twelve years later, and you, my son, my Max, are heading off to college! And your major is? Art! You are  an artist! You are majoring in Animation and Illustration! (Bear in mind you kindergarten teachers that your kids, even at that age, have markers of their futures, so be patient with them!)

I cannot believe that you, my sensitive and quiet child, will be leaving the nest in just one week. My brilliantly talented, Max, heading off for a new chapter in your young adult life. (Adult? It happens so quickly).

Remember Max, that in the beginning, just as in first grade, it may be tricky!  That first day, you had to eat your lunch at school!  You had that peanut free table, and you had to muster up all of your courage to make it through that long day.  But you did!  At college, it may take a little bit to get used to feeling comfortable walking in the kitchen at the cafeteria, and asking Chef Ken to thaw out a chicken breast for your lunch (which he is gonna safely cook in those pans he has labled with your name on it), but you will do it.  You just remember when in doubt, don't eat it.  Play it safe.  And you can call Dave who can even just take you out for a good old fashioned safe b.k. or mc'donalds dinner as he passes by your college on his way home from work!(and you know how Dave loves those junk food burgers)  You will adjust (or maybe it is me who has to adjust!)

Max, you are my third child to leave for college, but as a male (your sisters were much more animated and shared every little thought they had with me about heading off to college) you have been quiet. You have lifeguarded your summer away (and me and Dave appreciate that money you earned for your dorm needs!), heading straight to your girlfriends home for dinner afterwards, and then out with friends.  We haven't seen that much of you, as you have grown more and more independent.....it has been a quick summer.

I will beyond miss you!  A third piece of my heart will leave with you in just eight days! How will I manage? I will cry. I will wander into your room, probably falling onto your bed, like I did with you sisters. I will touch the posters on your walls, and look at the mess you  have left behind tenderly (funny, that mess infuriated me for years, but now has the power to rip through my heart with an unspeakable force).

I want you to be healthy. I want you to be happy. I wish you new friends, who become life-long friends, at every corner. I wish you ease in dealing with your food allergies in the cafeteria (this will be the toughest area for me. I trust in God that HE will keep you safe. I trust in you Max, that you will keep yourself safe, be cautious, and form a good friendly relationship with the chefs at his school. I will do my best not to die of worry. After micro-managing your food allergies from kindergarten on, I know you have the ability to do so now, but this will be the hardest, hardest, hardest part for me, your mom). I wish that your classes and  art findyou so wrapped up and busy that before you realize, it is time to come home for a visit to see  family, old friends, and your girlfriend!

I WISH all things wonderful for your future. I pray a Christian connection at college, be it a new church or youth group/bible study foryou to share and connect with.

I wish.

Yes, Max. It isn’t easy to be the Mom. I know sometimes lately you have ‘hated’ me, and doubted my love for you. But never do. Spread your wings and go for your dreams.

Be kind to others, and work hard for your career path.

And, believe it or not, this transition leaves me breathless with an empty spot that cannot be filled, by your absence. When you go off to college, like I said before, another third of my heart leaves with you. That is for me to deal with that patch of empty nest. But nothing will make me happier, than to see you happy and involved at campus. And come home frequently, weekly, if you need to. Bring your laundry, your joys, your troubles, and your new friends. Steal all the 'safe' food you need/miss/like from our fridge! Call daddy Dave, and he will grab you on his way home from work, any day of the week! That IS the beauty of being just 45 minutes away from home; far enough to stay, close enough to come home! And don’t worry that your sisters will be jealous, because they are! If they had it do again, yes, they would’ve picked a college that was closer too !

Shoot, great, with eight more days left, i am already starting to cry.....

Go out and do great things! You are on the path to being the great Man that God intended you to be.....

Love never-ending,

xox

Mom