Oh My God! He wants to be a Girl!
83A little advice for the genetic girls out there.
Wow! He's a crossdresser! What a revelation huh? And no matter how you became aware of his little "hobby" it probably rocked your world, didn't it? Brother, son, father, uncle, lover, husband, crossdressers are found in all traditional male roles and come from all walks of life. It's just that given a choice, they'd prefer their walk in high heels.
"Why would any man actually want to do this", you're asking yourself, your friends, Dr Phil, Dr Laura and maybe even the new "girl" in your life. It makes no sense at all, does it? I mean, who would willingly wear pantyhose and even seem to like the damn things?
Most likely, you are witness to a man with a fetish. Statistically speaking, he's probably heterosexual but still a man with a fetish. The "nature vs nuture" debate is alive and well here too and medical science seems nowhere nearer an answer today than they were 20 years ago.
I'm not a psychologist and I didn't stay at the Holiday Inn Express last night. I'm a just an ordinary crossdresser. Years of first hand experience, couch time,seminars with experts on gender issues and much Internet research has led to this startling in-depth analysis: Stuff happens.
I won't attempt to justify it nor defend the activity. It's one of those things that just happens to some men. We love it and good luck getting us to give it up. That's the bottom line. Really, it's not defiance nor stubborness on our part. It just is. It's reality. We like wearing the clothing of the opposite sex and the urge isn't going to go away. It can be supressed but it won't go away. That's what you're up against.
If you're dating a guy and he seems to know an unusual amount about women's clothing, like brand names or when VS is having a sale or repeatedly makes jokes about wearing women's attire, there's a good chance he's "into it." With all the social stigma attached to this, good luck getting him to admit it, not without a lot of coaxing on your part anyway. It takes guts to announce to someone you care about that you're "different".
Don't feel bad though if this puts you off though. If you're serious about the guy, you have to know going in that this will probably be a big part of his life and it will spill over into your life should you decide to share your life with him. It's inevitable. Not only will it impact finances, but it will have an effect in bed. Sooner or later in this relationship, your man, trying his best to look like a girl, will be cuddling up to you, probably in much frillier stuff than you'd ever consider wearing to bed and offering a back rub complete with a happy ending.
It's important to understand, that with a crossdressing man, en femme will be his preferred operating mode in bed. If you don't think you can handle that, your best off to part company, no matter how much it hurts. Now we can operate as "normal" men in bed, and I could be a just a little biased here, but I'm pretty sure that we operate better en femme. I know that I'm much more affectionate as "Leah" and become SuperCuddler!
After that sales pitch, let me make it clear though, that any crossdresser who doesn't admit to a woman he's serious about that he has a penchant for the frilly stuff, is being extremely selfish.
If you're married to a crossdresser, hopefully he told you early on during the dating process, that he has this thing for women's clothing. And if he didn't tell you before marriage, no, you didn't cause it. Not much solace there I know, but he's been doing this long before he was ever married and probably long before he graduated from high school. Yes, it's a sexually driven activity and usually shows up at the onset of puberty.
Of course, a crossdresser doesn't have to wear the frilly stuff to get on in life. Crossdressers have been known to go without it for years to keep peace in the family, but I'll tell you this much, they weren't happy about it.
If you are married to one, even if he never let you in on his little secret before exchanging vows, consider cutting him a little slack and compromising a little. Maybe give him some time to himself now and then so can indulge a little. In the long run, you'll find that your hubby is a little easier to get along with and happier in general. And please, whatever happens, don't make him feel guilty about be a crossdresser.
We didn't choose it. It chose us.
PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
Thank you Betty. Perhaps my efforts here will help someone someday.
Hey, Nice hub....have you thought about breaking it up into sections with text/photo capsules. If you don't know how to do it, it is pretty easy. Both the hubs you commented of mine are done that way. If you need any help, let me know, but great start.
Well, dj, you're right. Some pics of some kind probably would have been a nice touch. Probably would've helped emphasize some of the attempts at humor I included. Next time I hope to plan a mite better. I can see that the standards are pretty high here judging by your work.
I enjoyed reading your article - it's great to get an insight and learn about people's varied and interesting lives - thanks!
Thank you Caspar. This really isn't about me though. Just trying to reach out to hopefully help those who may be dealing with this issue in their own lives.
Thanks for the straight-up honest article. I wish more non-CDers would take the time to read and understand this activity. I'm still so far in the closet about this as I don't know anyone locally who I can trust or share this with. It's always had a sexual yet admiring undertone for me, and it consumes more of my thoughts and desires lately. I've only mentioned it to one other person who is a woman...and just a friend as she's involved with someone else. Hard to even share beyond superficially with her about it tho- don't want to turn her off to other parts of our friendship by focusing on that.. Hey thanks, and keep sharing with us.
Madly one, it's always a gamble to come out of the closet, particularly to anyone we are close to. It's so difficult to predict how someone will react, even if we think we know them well. Still it's best to be upfront if you're entering into a long term relationship.
You may be able to suppress the urge, but it never goes away. Don't make promises to anyone you can't keep.
It's not easy to be a "fauxgirl" as you already know.
As I age though, the urge does seem to be fading (hormone thing?) but I have the darndest dreams sometimes.
Best of luck!
I only wear panties, but I'd love to try camis. It feels so good making love to my g/f with my panties pulled down just far enough. Is this your first post? Great! I'll be looking for more!
Yeah, my first post here. Not sure what other wisdom I could (or should) pass on though. Glad to hear you have an understanding g/f.
Leah, this is just what we need to do more of: educate people about who we are. I always say, there are far more crossdressers out there than people imagine. the more acceptance and understanding there is, like anything, the better. I have been dressing off and on since I was a teen, but for the past seven or so years, have come to accept that it is simply part of who I am. I would hope that some day, men will be allowed to be as "feminine" as they want.
Rambeau, camisoles are great! If you're inclined to do so, you should reallly buy some. Even better with matching panties, or to go with panties that you already have.
hi i wear bras and knickers most times when im at home
is there any thing wrong with men in undies as females can wear any man things
please get back to me
male or females
it starts young my first time was at about 3 or 4 a kodak moment me there wearing a lace halter top no wonder i fell in love with wearing a bra. ok move ahead in time for years i would sneak around trying on panties & bras.but would take them off quickly for fear of being caught. tried on wifes night gown while she was there. later asked her to help me buy a bra&pair of panties. got a big NO i said ok ill buy them my self.after buying several bras &panties i showed her & told her .rockie for awhile but she becomeing OK with her pantie loveing bra wearing hubbie thanks for letting me vent. just wish there was more to shear & enjoy this side of life with
Great article. Getting caught in panties by my wife was the best thing that could have happened. She is supportive and accomodating as she has filled my drawer with panties she bought for me. A few more kinks have developed with this discovery.
As I age my thoughts of total crossdressing have faded also, but my joy of the feel of panties and silky things on shaved legs has just regained a little speed.
Your hair is better than mine! But really, thanks for sharing this on HubPages and offering support for anyone in your shoes. A great, worldly perspective!
interesting article, thanks.
Not all cross-dressers want to be or are en femme in bed, though - there is a huge variety!
OMG! I generalized!! Thanks for pointing that out LondonGirl. I'm sure there are some crossdressers out there who don't go to bed en femme. However, my warning still stands, don't be surprised if it happens!!
Hi Leah
This is a great hub and I think you hit the nail on the head.
Coross dressing is as old as time itself and a very enjoyable past time.
Women have a harder time accepting the idea their men want to wear clothes they have been led to believe are only made for them.
I have a CD friend who said getting into some beautiful lingerie, a dress and heels was a better stress reliever than booze. I like his idea.
I have a certain amount of nice things io can wear around my wife and other things i can only wear when she is not here.
I have slinky things for bed but would love frilly.
This article is insightfully written from a personal view of what it is to be a crossdresser. It poignantly discusses the addresses the importance of "coming out of the closet" to the woman in your life.
The title is somewhat misleading as not all crossdressers want to be a girl, although I am sure that was not the intent. The majority of our customers are heterosexual males who are happy with their biological gender, but for different reasons enjoy coming in touch with their feminine side.
MELANIE
www.crossdressercloset.com
Great article. Stuff definitely does happen. I have suppressed my lingerie wearing habits before and the end result is me getting pulled right back into wearing it.
This is a wonderful hub a very honest one. It makes me realize that the challenges faced by cross dressers are as painful as the challenges faced by women who are transsexual but just different. May we all have peace in our hearts that comes from acceptance especially self acceptance
I CD'd for years. The EX "caught me"... bad scene.
When I was with the EX dressing was just occasional...after I left her I almost "went full" I had a wig... shaved everything... almost met some people on the internet (Plentyoffish)... Then I met this woman. She ALWAYS gets dressed up in sexy lingerie and pantyhose when we have sex... and I lost the urge. Even dressing once or twice when she was away...did nothing for me. Hmmmmm.
It ebbs and flows I believe pjk. Anymore with me, I think I'm just lazy. It's SO much work to dress! And in many ways though, it's a relief to see the urge fade some.
LL, I loved your article! You are so lovely in your picture!
I know for me, the stress relief, and the overall high that goes with dressing is a better high than booze or prescription drugs. It lasts for hours and generally doesn't impair driving. From something simple like a quick run out to do errands En Femme, to an actual night out, either one I notice that even with nobody around, I just can't stop smiling. It is a lot of work. It's very hot where I live most of the year, so women tend to dress in tank tops, light skirts, shorts, etc... In order to blend, I have to dress that way too, which shows a lot of skin...which means a lot of shaving. The hair, makeup and dressing are not too bad, I have those down well enough to look like a woman my age. They take about 15 to 20 minutes each, for a "normal" day out. Obviously "special" nights take longer. I have good taste in clothing and I've put together reasonable looks. I do however always ask my wife to look me over for anything glaring and obvious. She is a doll about that sort of thing. I guess that if she's going out with me dressed, she wants to make sure that I don't look like a gorilla in a dress. I've seen those....it's not pretty. She's been pretty good about helping me to look appropriate for my age and build. In turn, I shop for her and get her to try on things she would never try on her own. I have found most of the things she really likes. I actually have a better eye for color and things "going together" than she does. When we see clothing, shoes, jewelry, etc.. I can tell her what she has in her closet, how the outfit will go together, how she can accessorize and what not to do. Most of the time, I'm right too!
If I could, I'd dress every day, and just live as a woman, so I guess I'm really more than a crossdresser. It started out that way but as time has gone by, it has become more urgent for me to be myself. I haven't worn men's underware for about 7 years. I got rid of all of them years ago, and have only worn panties since. Unfortunately for me, many things make living as a woman full time impossible right now. If I won the Powerball though.... Hmmm...
---Nikki
Go for it Nikki. It's great your spouse is so supportive. You are very fortunate.
So what if I like to wear the panties that ladies from hub pages send me?
It is so cool to be able to go to bed every night wearing such things as panties, slips, bras, garter belts and stockings and being loved on by my wife, lover and very best friend in the world. And we've been married for a long time.
Betty HouseWife says:
2 years ago
A really honest and informative article. You are right. Stuff happens. Keep being true to yourself!