Anna Gate compares her reactive life much the same way: celebrations preceding hard lessons, followed by emptiness, and finally embracing new surges of events. She speaks from a perspective of living a life of loves that went unrequited, failed marriages, deceptions at the hands of friends, and no stable job. Having gone through isolation, alienation, and rejection, she began to question what “it” was she needed to do in her life. Working hard to uncover why she was leading a life filled with hardships, Anna’s answers would come to her unexpectedly, one autumn day.

Anna remembers grabbing her keys, locking the front door, starting her car, and driving away feeling anxious. The street normally traveled on was unusually busy for that time of day so she decided to keep a safe driving distance from the vehicle in front of her… “Then”, something happened.

Her anxiety lifted, and calmness set in to cradle her senses. There was a light fog surrounding her now-- she describes it as a kind of day- time fog that gives light but you can’t see five feet ahead of you. Out of the misty fog came segments of her life that flashed before her, forcing painfully tailored memories back into consciousness.

I wasn’t in my car anymore. I was sitting on a swing looking down at my feet dangling in front of me. I was excited about the ride I was about to take. My father took my seat, raised it high in front of him, and released me. Holding on tightly, I focused on trying to grab those floating white cotton balls in the sky. My grip weakened under the excitement then the ride ended with me falling off the seat, flat on my back. Eyes filled with tears, I struggled to secure my escaping breath thinking one day I will touch those cotton balls in the sky. Next…

I saw myself standing alone while other children played games all around me. Despite being a sociable girl, children alienated me from their play. They kept reminding me that I had a weight problem. I saw myself trying really hard to endure their blows from teasing by standing there,

desperately seeking calmness. I remained positive through it all thinking things will change one day for me-- it has to.

Delightful images of a park I frequented appeared before me. I glanced up frequently, watching others play while trying to build a sand castle. Then the bully arrived! He rode his bike into the park, and I saw myself close my eyes, staying as still as I could. The air thickened once again as he arrived at the park making every breath harder to grasp. He harassed other children at the far end of the park, away from where I was playing.

I heard him ask for me so I quickly hid behind a tree house.

My nervous system became disorganized, thoughts directed towards surviving increased, and my heart concentrated on re-directing the blood flow downward toward my legs, I began to pray: Please, don’t let him hurt me today. Protect me, watch over me, and make him go away.

The park vanished, and now I levitated off the ground easing into a comfortable prone position. Hanging in mid-air, I started to ascend upward

toward the sky, high above the earth’s surface and into the clouds. Floating

freely through the clouds now, I looked around, and noticed the awesome panoramic view of land, and water below me.

My body thrust forward in fast and slow motions high above the earth’s surface. I descended and hovered over places I wished I could visit. And, now effortlessly, I flew over crystal clear waters and white sandy beaches of Grand Cayman Island, over a passenger ship docked at San Juan, over wind-mills in Holland, touching cobble stone streets in Southern France, riding the lift of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, skiing the Alps in Switzerland and admiring an Orchid that danced with Hawaii’s ocean breeze.

In another flash, Anna’s flying came to an end. She was escorted on a different journey now; to places not found on any map.

Standing in an empty hallway, in full uniform, I was back in high school. It wasn’t long before the bell sounded, and classroom doors swung open to assist people out into the hallway. Shocked and afraid, I found out I was pregnant earlier on that day with my boyfriend’s baby. I needed to find him. People whipped by me as I stood there witnessing a painful swelling taking place in our narrow hallway. I forced my back up against the locker and tilted my head to one side where my view consisted of a row of lockers and a restless crowd rushing past me in all directions. In a matter of seconds, the crowd dispersed, conversations turned into dull rambling sounds, and my eyes zoomed in close-up images of my boyfriend embracing another girl. The next scene I was in a hospital where my challenge for sanity had ended.

Another scene beckoned...

It was a night scene and I left a party, alone, staggering toward my car. I felt like someone was watching me, but I continued searching my purse for the car key. Then, out of the blue, a few guys came running toward me. They all jumped on top of me, and I remember trying to escape. I couldn’t move under the weight of their bodies. My vision became impaired,

my hearing intensified, absorbing their laughter silenced by nasty comments. I grasped a thought that they were not about to leave until they finished what they started. My senses went numb with all the thumping and banging my body endured. I felt like my body shut down, and the only sense

operating was my intuition telling me, I’ll be fine. As quickly as they came, they left, leaving me in a pool of my own tears. I got back up, cleaned myself off, put my torn clothes back on, and disoriented, I staggered toward my car, and drove home.

The next scene captures Anna in a time she tried to end her life.

Hopelessness intensified, battling my tears for a view of where I was walking, high beams flickered at me, muffled sounding car horns frightened me, and drivers shouting “get off the road”. These words, their mantra for me, I wanted to block-out on such evening walks.

Another flash bounced Anna even further back in time…

I earned money from two unstable part-time jobs, went to university, and had no social life. A good month consisted of electricity, some food in the fridge, performing well in my studies, and no physical discomfort. I saw myself sitting in a dimly lit apartment, and writing poetry by a single burning candle- light. I felt extremely lonely wishing for a companion, once again. Sharing my thoughts to a pen-- which took careful dictations of my pain--my feelings spilled out onto a page once more.

Flash back episodes of Anna’s life came to an end. In its place, a white, misty fog cascaded around Anna who was now standing in front of a brightly lit tunnel. Mesmerized by the beauty surrounding her, she walked through the tunnel until she witnessed a figure coming towards her. Anna recognized her Grandmother’s “brilliant smile” that sparked her senses with explosive energy. Holding Anna’s hands, she began to whisper:

“My dear Anna, you are not ready to cross over to the other side. I came to show you some of your past and must tell you about what is to come from now on. You will travel around the world and speak to many people about overcoming hardships. You are a healer, and as such, you needed to experience pain in order to understand other peoples’ pain. You will help many. You are being sent back now so that you can continue your journey. Know that I am with you. I love you.”

Anna’s grandmother slowly turned her back and walked away. The tunnel and fog also faded behind her as she was left standing alone in complete darkness. Then…

My body jolted violently upward then back down again on what felt like a hard surface. I heard yelling and screaming all around me but could not make sense of what people were saying until I heard my name.

“Anna, are you with us?” I heard one man say.

“You were in a bad car accident but your going to make it”, another man shouted.

With a smile on my face, eyes still tucked away behind my lids, an unimaginable sense of peace errected in my heart awakening an unexpected reply:

“I know”...