Mac & Cheese for Dummies

I was watching the food network and saw some delious food being created. I got all excited and started thinking about cooking what Bobby Flay had whipped up. Open further review, I realized I only had 2 of the 20 ingredients he used: water and salt. He used sea salt, so I only had one ingredient really.

I went to the library, and was looking at cookbooks. I saw "Cooking For Dummies." Then I saw "Vegitarian Cooking For Dummies." I got to thinking, why stop there? Break it down even further. So today I am going to publish my first cookbook-"Mac & Cheese For People With ADD" Since the whole "...For Dummies" thing is taken, and using a synonym like "Mac & Cheese For Retards" is harsh, I'm going with the Attention Deficit Disorder angle. One, because I have it, and also there aren't any cookbooks that cater to my people.

I only have the rough draft written, and that took about six hours. I plan on doing a few rewrites, and having it out in hardcover by the 4th of July. Here is the rough draft. Enjoy!!

So you have had a long day. You worked hard, and you are starvng. If you are single like me, your cupboards probably consist of a few cans of soup, a bong, and some Advil. Ah but wait! Isn't that a box of Macaroni and Cheese? Now were talking kids. In 9 minutes, you can have a yummy, cheap, and unhealthy meal. Here's my time honored, Kent State University version of an old classic.

Grab a pot. It doesn't matter if it is a little dirty. You are going to be boiling water in it, so that should kill most of the bacteria. Hopefully any remaining germs are what they call "good bacteria." If you don't want to chance it, I guess you could wash the pot with anti-bacterial soap, but that will add an extra minute or so.

Fill the pot up with water. You don't have to measure it even. Just enough to cover the noodles. Turn the burner on "high" and put pot on stove. Now some people will tell you to wait until the water come to a rollicking boil before you add the noodles. I won't tell you that. Put noodles in right away. They will cook a little bit while the water is heating up to boiling. Come back in about 7 minutes. The water will be boiling. Give it a stir with a fork. Wait one more minute, and take the pot off the stove. Now, this is the part some of of ADD addeled people forget. TURN OFF THE BURNER! I know the is alot going on at this point, but it is crucial to extinguish any open flames. This isn't limited to cooking either. Put out all cigarettes, candles, etc before leaving a room. You don't know how many security deposits I have lost because of a little smoke damage. Anyway, that's my PSA for today.

Next step is to pour out the water in the sink. I do this the easiest way possible. Just know, strainers are for sissies! With a deft hand, and nerves of steel, you can slowly tilt the pan using your fork as a dam. You don't have to drain every drop. You will need a little extra moisture to thin out the powdered cheese. Next grab a tablespoon and spoon out one big glob of margerine. My recipe calls for approximately 2 tablespoons of margerine. This is close enough. Now put in the package of delicious cheese. Turn the burner on low, put pot back on the oven, and stir for thirty seconds. Let cool for another minute, and BA-BAM!!! On the box it says,"makes four servings." Yeah, for ants! I can rifle down the whole pot while watching Sportcenter. Speaking of the pot, I rarely transfer the yummy goodness from pot-to-plate. Why bother? It's one extra, unfun thing to do; wash another plate. If a had a wife, then I probably would.

After a few tries, you will perfect it as I did. The recipe on the side of the box calls for milk. Remember how I told you to keep the water in there? This eliminates the need for the hormone laced cow juice. If you want to get creative, you can add a can of tuna. Or some peas, hot sauce, etc... Let the Mac& Cheese be your canvas and create from there.

I hope this little book was helpful. Bon Appitte!