What about Marriage? To most marriage is two people who have fallen in love and then set a date to have a ceremony and get a legal paper to now say “ you are married.” That is basically it. Of course people do it all differently, many marry at a church and mix religion in with it or others go to a court house etc. But the main idea is that people are only really married only until they have this legal paper, a marriage certificate. Like a diploma on a wall it is suppose to make you legit and the real deal. Listen closely and you will find it actually humorous how people use this marriage talk. You have couples who have been together for five years and live together and spend a lot of time together, they are committed to each other and are sexily active together. They may even have kids together and they all live together under the same roof. But maybe someone will say to the guy of this couple that they seen his wife yesterday. The guy may respond that she is not his wife. Think about it, what is she then? A girlfriend? So until they go get this legal paper, they are not married. So the whole balance lays on one thing. This paper. Now I know a lot of people put a lot of stock into this paper. They figure if the person really loves them, then why not just get the paper. Like this is supposedly a real and true test if you love someone. Ask yourself this...has this paper saved all marriages from falling out of love or cheating spouses or whatever trials may come. Of course you will have some that say well I was committed and married so I stuck it out or pushed harder past a difficult time. Let me tell you what I think, if you need a paper to prove love or keep you in love, You’re not in love. You would be as well off as having a lucky rabbit’s foot carried around with you all the time. The whole idea of this popular thought puts a lot of other factors in play. Consider how when people speak of how long they have been married. People who are married with just a few years under the belt are often made light of for being “just starting out” or “still young” etc. What happens is people tend to consider time as a true test of love. Is that so? So what of the couples who have been together for many years and don’t have this marriage paper? Is the love any less? Again they will be viewed as not really married. On the other hand you have people who have been married 25 years and people just gasp and then make all sorts of compliments about how great that is and then usually it is followed up with how now a days no one lasts very long or they end in divorce. So we have people looking at “marriage paper” when they should be more concerned with devotion. Marriage paper and devotion is not the same thing. A “married” couple may have cheated on one another many times but then you have a non-married couple who has never cheated on one another. Let me ask you who has honored and kept the relationship now? That is why for me the marriage is in the heart. The legal married couple who is cheating on each other and doesn’t get along is still considered married. It is like having a diploma or degree on the wall but you cheated on tests in college and cut classes and had others do your work etc. The paper is worthless. But most people want the paper! So if you want a paper, get one. But whom are you fooling if you’re not really married. People speak of love all the time; it is used in all sorts of statements. I love my dog; I love that show etc..People don’t have a clue to about love. And even less do people have a clue when they think a paper means they are in love or it proves something. People assume time means a strong love. How is someone who is in love and being loved back and operating in a marriage in the true sense, how is that one couple who has experienced this love for 3 years any less than the person who has experienced for 5 years? Why then if a couple who after 25 years of marriage breaks or gets a divorce is it not wondered what in the world could of happen to break such a super strong marriage. I mean it was 25 years long! How can that be? Because 25 years is time! It is not a measure of love! I could marry a complete stranger (in the paper sense) and then we go off and live in different parts of the world for 25 years and what are we now, super in love? No one knows the strength of two people’s love and the condition of it. If you had a car for 5 years and never had problems with it and one day you got broad sided by a dump truck, would you then say out loud “what is wrong with my car!” Do you follow me? How stupid is that. Why do people assume that two people who get a divorce think the couple screwed up or they really did not love each other? Did these same two people make themselves fall in love with each other? How foolish. But this is the common thought out in society. Just because divorce happens does not mean that the marriage was bad, nor does it mean they never loved each other or they did something wrong. But you ask why did they get a divorce then? Well obviously they don’t LOVE each other anymore. And it only takes one person to break the love connection. You have to have two to make it one whole. If the one doesn’t love the other are they married? But all over the world we have married couples who don’t love each other and yet we say they are married. Yes they are married, by a piece of paper. Is that what you want? It is not what I want. People speak of true love and true this etc. They are full of it. Most people settle for fake this and fake that. I think even low levels of love can be maintained between two people but if a temptation (whatever that may be) comes along, sure the connection is more easily broke. So if people want to or are in a low level of love, maybe they are not fully invested like some couples. Maybe they are more like friends. So what! But they are being true to each other. But be realistic about what you both have. I think many married couples who have the paper are probably in lots of cases no stronger in commitment than two couples who are just going out on dates. Many lie and cheat and some of them if they weren’t stuck by money or reputation concerns they would of ran years ago. So what did the paper do after all? If you want it for legal or money reasons or whatever go ahead, but your paper isn’t going to manufacture love that will keep you and your partner together. Divorce also is looked at as failure of the marriage. Is it? Or is it just another paper? Do you need a paper to tell you your no longer in love? So if someone gets a divorce did the marriage fail? Let’s say a couple has been married for 15 years. We assume they have been married for 15 years because they are still legally married. We really don’t, this marriage could have been over two weeks after they said I do! But this is how the paper works. So now this couple gets a divorce and people say the marriage did not work out. What was it supposed to work out to? Does the marriage only work out if you die before your spouse does? That is the basis of a loving and successful marriage? So if a person lives for 12 years do we say that persons life did not work out? That person failed? That person screwed up? Why couldn’t the marriage of been highly successful for 14 years and something happen in the last year that broke the love apart? THE MARRIAGE WAS SUCCESSFUL for 14 years! But since the couple got divorced your going to say the marriage did not work out? They may have loved and experienced love more so than 20 other marriages combined that are still in effect and considered good marriages, but because they now get a divorce people are going to think their marriage failed? How about they are no longer in love...or would you rather the couple hate each other and cheat and hurt one another and still play marriage with the nice paper in hand. Yeah we get told the latter one is more respectful. All these are just examples to make you think about what your really saying or going after. We need to question and know why we do what we do and see where our true motives are. Otherwise we may wind up just following someone else’s ideas and not realizing we are duped. Do you consider the weighty matters or do you strain at the small cracks. Take care of the cracks but it does no good spending time on the cracks if your whole foundation is split into complete two. People think they can make everything work if they just keep more on their toes and do more and focus more and work more and more this and more that. They really think that next time it is going to work out now. They learned lessons and they are going to nail it next time. Well, I got news for you; you’re not in control. You don’t hold the keys to all the doors. And one fumble or one two second glance off of your task and wham you can be broad sided by the truck you never seen coming. So if you love and your loved back by your mate and it is true, if it lasts until your dead or only 2 years, you have loved. Anyone can get a paper; not everyone can have love. Be thankful for the love you have or had.

ZJWM2009