Introduction       
   

    Are you staring at the ceiling with sighs of grief ? Listening to depressive music with quick reflections of regret and longing ?
    Heartbreak can be a very painful experience for any individual to overcome because the crushing reality of a fading romance fabricates certain self-destruction.
    I had experienced a time when I thought it was the end of the world and nothing else could possibly replace what I had lost. I couldn’t eat or sleep and I would wait for a phone call that never came. I isolated myself for weeks (or months) and dwelled in my own misery with partial hoping that my partner would come back and everything would be back to normal.
    Before you begin to struggle against your feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty, it may be useful to know what it is and why you’re feeling it in the first place. 


The Drive: Love

    Love is complicating and the dynamics of caring for someone else is staggering.
    Chemically speaking, love may be defined as a personal “drive” where certain neurochemical processes take place.
    What exactly happens when we run into that “special someone” that makes us feel so energized ? Romantic attraction is frequently out of our control; we can’t help how we feel ! This attraction is a significant burst of chemicals that make us feel good.

Phenylethylamin
Dopamine
Serotonin
Oxytoxin
Vasopressin

    Have you ever run into someone that made your heart race and your palms sweat ? These chemical processes are the culprit and we strive for it once it happens. As the presence of the chemical activity continues and grows stronger, so does our “infatuation.”
    I remember immediately putting my ex-partner above everything and everyone else because I was simply compelled to do so. I loved the way I felt (presence of chemicals in the works) and I wanted to hold on to as long as I could (addiction of the presence of chemicals) and I did for a good two and a half years.
   


Fading Love vs. Continuing Love

    Why relationships don’t work out the way you want them to ?
“What doesn’t he/she love me back ?”  “What happened to us ?”
Does this sound familiar ?
    Sadly, the “drive” is temporary but there are instances where an even greater chemical process takes place (hence, long-term relationships) but everyone is different. Sometimes people lose that “special feeling” they had for their spouse ( the “thrill” is gone) and crave for more of that “addictive” presence of chemicals and thus seek another relationship. It can be completely one-sided; you may want to desperately hold onto what you have but the feeling may not be mutual. It all depends on the person and the situation but it may not be your fault that the relationship didn’t work out.
    In long-term relationships, other chemicals take over (endorphins) and this produces a much deeper connection.
    Fading love and continuing love is troublesome to understand (especially if you’re experiencing a resentful break-up) but these things happen. There is the process of loving the “infatuation” or the “addiction” of the feel-good chemicals and there is the neurochemical process that describes us loving “that special person” that makes us feel good.
    After those two and a half years of commitment, my partner and I went our separate ways even though it was not what I wanted. I still wanted to keep that “dynamic feeling” because I loved the way I felt but my partner didn’t feel the same anymore. I suppose you could say we were in love but we weren’t “in love” because of the lack of “attraction.”


Overcoming Heartbreak: DISTRACTION

    Heartbreak can be a dark experience to master. You could reside in your rapid daydreaming and ongoing feelings of helplessness or you could dust yourself off and return anew. Love can be out of your control but limiting your impulses is not.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to distract yourself. Deplete anything that has anything to do with your partner. The fewer connections that you have with your ex-partner , the fewer impulses you have of  laying around all day with repeating thoughts of “what if.” 

No matter how much you want to, DO NOT isolate yourself around your friends and family.  They can help you “limit” your impulses and let’s face it, no one wants to be alone in a time of “need.”
DO NOT immediately try to find the next “special person” to come by and sweep you off your feet. That is the worse thing you could do. It will not help you, it will only enhance your “addiction” and you will end up twice as hurt as before.
DO NOT attempt to contact your ex-partner by any means (at least for awhile until you think you can ‘handle it.’) because you need time to “recover.” If temptation strikes you, STOP and remember why it didn’t work out in the first place. If it didn’t work out before then chances are  it still won’t work out in the future.
DO NOT try to think that things are “different” now and maybe your ex-partner feels the same way. Stop yourself because you are only taking a step backwards.


TRY to go out more. Spend more time with your friends and family and be more social. You may want to be in a dark room somewhere and stare at the walls until the paint peels off but PUSH YOURSELF to do the opposite.
TRY exercising. I’m not an “exercising” fan but I walked and walked and walked until my legs turned into jelly. You would be amazed how refreshing it can be
TRY to continue eating. You may feel like food is the last thing you need but EAT. Sit down and force yourself  to eat. I remember not eating for days because I was so emotionally-damaged but it only made my “recovery” seem further away. Eat healthy and it is wise to refrain from alcohol use (because we all know that alcohol only suppresses things, it doesn’t make it better).



Conclusion:
    Remember that it isn’t the end of the world. Departing love is painful but surrounding yourself with a bunch of “what ifs” and “maybe he/she will call mes” is just as painful. Overcoming heartbreak is a slow process, you won’t be instantly better the next day but there are things you can do to weaken your longing.


With regards,
Avie