Overcoming the pain of deceit
62Offering my two cents...
I was requested by a viewer of my Finding Contentment in Singlehood hub to publish a hub about overcoming the pain of deceit. Most of us have been misled or outright lied to in our lives at some point. It is a very painful realization once the truth comes out. But, you don't have to let it destroy you.
Remember, it's THEM, not YOU
It's the other person who has done wrong, not you. You have done nothing wrong. You NEVER deserve to be deceived, whether it be through the other person telling lies or even cheating on you. Everyone deserves complete honesty and trustworthiness in a relationship. If this trust is broken, it is not YOUR fault - it is the other person's.
Remember your good qualities
Keep up your self-esteem. You are not a bad person if someone treats you badly. Like I said earlier, the problem is with them, not you. Remember all your good qualities and what you have to offer a partner (or if you don't want a new partner, simply what you have to offer the world in general). That should help you keep your spirits up, as well as your confidence.
Be true to yourself
Engage in activities that help you cope - whether it be arts and crafts, spending time in nature, working out, reading a good book, whatever it might be. Focus on "you." Heal through doing your favorite things. Don't just mope around and feel sorry for yourself. Get back up and start plunging into life again!
Any other thoughts?
If anyone has any other helpful advice to add, please feel free to leave it in my Comments section. Thank you, and may you never go through the pain of deceit again - or ever, if you are really lucky!
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Comments
thanks but the other person does not even realise the gravity of situation then what?
Kellys Writing says:
11 months ago
Murray's Mom,
This is a good hub. I know about the pain of deceit as I survived a first marriage full of it. My first husband did on a number on me by hiding his lifestyle through the marriage and subsequently dying of aids.
Deceit tears at you on the inside and out. It has taken me years to recover from what happened. During the time all this was going on, my self esteem and ego took a monster blow. I blamed myself wondering if there was something I did in my marriage to turn my husband gay. If there was something about me that wasn't good enough. Those feelings don't go away easily. No matter what I tried to do to ease the pain, i couldn't stop hurting. Then when you add in the anger of caused by the deceit, it compounds all those feelings over again.
It has taken me years since his death to come to a point in realizing that what he did wasn't my fault and that who I am as a person didn't cause what happened. I know now that he made the choices he made of his own accord.
Inorder for me to work through the pain of what had happened, I learned to write. I have journal after journal of things that I felt and went through with him. I also sat down and took a close hard look at myself. I asked myself what I learned about the experience, what I gained from making the choices I made in dealing with the experience, and what it is about me that I liked.
It might sound crazy but it worked for me. One of the major things about deceit and dealing with it is that you have to learn about forgiveness. You also have to understand that even though you have forgiven, you won't forget. It is always on your mind but perhaps it brings a small degree of relief. A person can't live without all that pain and hurt if they don't find ways to forgive.
Best Wishes,
Kelly