Sometimes life imposes a strange twist of fate. About a month ago, a friend whose name I will not reveal here, made telephone contact with me, requesting that I assist her in a dog rescue by keeping a black lab in my kennel until we could find him a home. She explained that she had discovered the dog running close to a busy street, wearing only a spike collar with no ID tag on it, and with no owner or guardian in sight. After recently finding a home for my male Golden Retriever due to my own need to downsize, and still having four dogs of my own, I am certain that only my own present identity with orphans caused me to accept this challenge. The dog has been here a month, and is featured on three websites as needing a forever home, including my own business website.

Ironically, I talked briefly to the same friend this morning, and discovered that her own much loved chocolate lab managed to escape from a friend's basement where she was being kept during a social occasion, and took off in the black of night without a collar, and no identification. Of course, I immediately posted pictures of the dog on MY SPACE, FACEBOOK, and my own business website, www.poetrytogo.net; however, the strange nature of this incident did not miss my observation. Sometimes those of us who once do an act of charity, find ourselves needing one shortly afterwards. I only hope someone shows my friend's dog, the same level of care that she demonstrated last month for the dog I am now fostering in my kennel at her request. I am quite sure that if she had not involved the two of us, he would be dead today.

WHY I IDENTIFY WITH ORPHANS

I did not always identify with orphans. About four months ago, the governor of Georgia proposed budget cuts to substance abuse services that I hoped would never happen. At the time, I was completing in-home substance abuse assessments for residents of Fulton County, Atlanta's inner city, on a contract basis. Many of my clients did not have transportation, or the ability to obtain treatment through their own income level, and many depended on some form of public assistance in spite of working full or part time on jobs paying minimum wage. I worried that these budget cuts might negatively effect them.

I loved the city of Atlanta, and loved my clients; however, I was paid very well, because many professional substance abuse counselors were fearful of going into some of the neighborhoods I frequently visited. I did not fear that my business would be threatened since most of my referrals came from the state. The state seemed secure enough to me in spite of the nation's economic crisis that was going downhill.

Within months after the budget cuts to substance abuse services took place, I had lost my business, and was dependent on my family, and public assistance to cover my monthly expenses. When I saw the orphaned dog, I provided my kennel, because I knew he had no place else to go, and understood on some level that I would be in a similar position if my family and others were not filling in the gap for me.

THE NUTS & BOLTS OF POVERTY

It was not my plan to discover the nuts and bolts of poverty, or to experience what poverty might be like without actually suffering all that much, but while I have suffered a great deal emotionally, my family has filled in most of the gap that exists between running my Substance Abuse Contract business and working as many little jobs as I can get that still add up to less than one full time minimum wage position. Because my family is assisting me, I am able to try to do what so many believe can be done, that is "pull myself up by my own bootstraps," without worrying about losing a home, a car, having my electricity turned off, or no longer having a telephone or computer access.

I am very aware that I am suffering much less than the average poor person, or at least any person experiencing the same situation who either has no family, or has one who is neither able or willing to fill in the gap. My understanding that I have it easy compared to what most must be going through, is exactly what prompts me to write about poverty as much as I have done recently.

I am not asking that you have sympathy or compassion for me, as I understand that I am being cared for as if I had wealthy parents. I am asking you to learn from my experience what this situation has taught me. It is not that easy to pull oneself up by ones own bootstraps as it may have been at other points in time, in fact, without some form of public or family assistance, I believe it would be impossible to do so at all.

By the nuts and bolts of poverty, I do not refer to the job loss, the sudden trauma, the initial event or situation in which one finds himself or herself unemployed, and experiences shock. No. I am referring to the day to day problems that prevent one from pulling oneself back up by ones own bootstraps without help. These are the little things people often overlook or do not think about when they imply that people should be able to get out of the hole with no help, and that the general public should not have to assist them in doing so.

GET A JOB

The first rule for pulling oneself back up, of course, is to get a job. I have no way of knowing what it is like for others, but would presume this should be easier for me than for many, since I do hold a Masters Degree, and have held many positions both inside and outside of my field. Knowing that I was in no immediate threat, I began the process of finding a job. While there was nothing in the state that involved substance abuse work, I was sure there were other jobs I could do, using many of the same skills I used as a substance abuse counselor. I still feel that I could do many of the jobs for which I applied using skills I developed through my years of counseling clients and running substance abuse programs. The problem at present, is that I have never been given the opportunity to try to do these jobs.

NEWS FLASH

It is not that easy to find a job outside of your field. Most managers of fast food chains and convenience stores do not want to deal with somebody who has held a higher paying position, even when jobs are available. They may be polite if you drop in, but they do not contact you for a job interview, at least that has been my experience, no matter how humble you attempt to be when you visit them to ask for work. I have no reason to believe it is any different for anybody else.

Positions that are equal in education, or pay, but different from your specific field of study, are also not easy to secure. I attempted to reposition my resume towards something that might use my former experience, yet not involve state budget cuts, with no success. I applied for pharmaceutical sales positions, social work positions other than substance abuse, and management positions, in general, since I had performed management duties on my last four jobs before becoming a self employed contract counselor. I am yet to be granted the first interview.

MY LITTLE JOBS

I do work consistently on three jobs, but they are not typical, and one was more the result of being friends with the right person, than impressing anyone with my ability. i might also add that at least two of the jobs involve writing on-line opportunities, work that requires computer access (being financed by my family, at present), computer literacy, and the ability to write well enough to acquire readers. These options and abilities are not necessarily open to all poor people, most of whom do not have wealthy families, or a Masters Degree.

My major source of income at present, comes from a part time position at Curves for Women. I approached the owner, who had become my friend while I was a paying customer, with the offer to complete a website for her Native Tan business in exchange for a free year's membership at Curves. I had exercised at Curves for a year, and did not want to regress in progress towards my fitness goals due to my present poverty. She was excited about the website, and also hired me from six to 13 hours weekly to close the facility at night. The job does not solve any real problems financially, still it does provide me with running money, some needed items, and pays small debts. To visit her website click www.nativetanonmulberry.com. I still have some work to do on the site, but it is moving along nicely, and I am still working out at Curves. Since regular exercise reduces stress, this exchange turned out to be a very positive development for both of us.

Besides trying to get a commercial writing business off the ground, I write articles for google adsense. The writing could take many months to pay off financially, but offers the opportunity to market myself as a writer, and publish articles that are read by the public such as this one. I have also published on line through demand Studios, an on line writing organization that pays $15 per article, and offers many opportunities to write. Unfortunately, demand articles require a great deal of research, and sometimes require rewrites. As a general rule, I make less than minimum wage writing for demand, and have not found their claims of the possibility of making up to $30,000 annually (though that is no huge income) to be realistic. Curves for women pays me $8 an hour, and other than contract writing, and website design, it is my highest paying work at present. New businesses take time to develop, and often take three years before paying for themselves. Without family help, or public assistance, one could be homeless before ever realizing any profit. Also, as stated earlier, my family support and skill level are not typical of all poor people in the United States.

A TYPICAL WEEK

The only way I know to describe what poverty would be like without my family's help, is to describe my week, and what has happened with family help, then allow you to imagine what it would involve without their assistance. My current week was not that different from most weeks I have experienced since losing my business. I was offered extra hours on my little job at Curves, for which I was grateful. I paid $50 towards my Harold's Propane bill with the small check I received last week, and put $10 worth of gasoline into my car. I felt good about paying $50 of my Harold's Propane bill with my own money, since my family is paying most of my bills. I use my EBT food stamp card to pay for all food, so that I can use my small income to pay my own water bill, auto insurance premium, and as much as I can pay of Harold's Propane, hoping to get the bill paid in time for heat this winter.

Early this week when my refrigerator was full of food, filled with my first purchase after finally receiving my food stamp card, four and a half months late, it suddenly stopped working. I had over $60 worth of food in the refrigerator at the time, and had to eat as much as I could, feed some hamburger to the dogs, and throw some food out when it went bad. I did not want to ask my family for money, when they were already doing so much, so I decided to just purchase packaged food, and canned goods that do not require refrigeration. The next day, my sister showed up with three huge bags of food to help me out with making my food stamp card go further. As you might guess, most of the food she brought over required refrigeration. When I asked her if she had an ice chest, she guessed that things weren't quite right. The next day my Florida family offered to purchase me a refrigerator for my birthday, but I have not had time to look into it yet, though it is quite a blessing.

Since the refrigerator stopped working, I have had to purchase ice every other day, and did not realize until after a few days had passed, that ice could be purchased with an EBT card. Consequently, under stress, I spent above my budget without realizing it, until I checked my bank balance, and discovered that I lacked 80 cents having enough money in my account to cover the check I had written to Harold's propane to pay the gas bill. I planned to take some change I still had at home to the bank to make sure the check did not bounce on the way to curves the next day, since I could not put the money in the bank that day, because I had left it at home. On the way to work that day my car had started running hot, and it was necessary to use the gas can I keep filled with water to refill the water needed to keep my car from running hot. I generally have had to do this about every three or four weeks for a month or so, but seeing a mechanic has not been an option since I never have any money since the business failure, with which to pay one.

I filled the gas can with water, and worked my part time shift on my job at Curves. About half way home, in the dark, and in pouring rain, the car began running hot again. Pulling over to the side of the road in the dark, and in the midst of a raging thunder storm, I poured the rest of the water into the car, and managed to get home before it started smoking again. When I shared the incident with my sister, she sent my brother in law over to look at the car. He insisted the car was leaking gasoline and oil as well as water, and could explode and kill me at any time if I drove it at all. I had just filled it with more water when he arrived, planning to go to Curves, and to the bank to deposit the 80 cents to keep my check to Harold's propane from bouncing. As it turned out, the car went to the shop for repairs, which my family is coverng the cost of, and I was unable to go to work yesterday evening or today. I lost two days of pay, and did not deposit the money into the bank. This would have been an extremely serious consequence and loss without ongoing family support.

Today I was unable to make it to the bank. The car is going to cost at least $470, which my family is covering. In all honesty, I may not make that much in an entire month working at Curves and my other two jobs. Without family help, I would be without a car. My sister agreed to bring me some ice home to keep the food she gave me from ruining. Obviously, I was unable to shop for a refrigerator, even with my family's money. I emailed my niece and requested that she put $1 in my bank account, and explained the problem. I have not heard from her yet, and hope she did so. Without family assistance, just this week would have left me with no transportation and no way to keep food, not to mention being $30 in the red at the bank.

The situations I have described are happening to someone who holds a Masters degree, is working as many jobs as she can find to do, and has more family assistance than most people out there. The car problem prevented me from working for two days since there is no public transportation in this small town, and no taxie service. Problems such as these keep people poor once they get that way. Simply finding any job, no matter how low paying, does not solve the problem, since such jobs do not pay enough money to cover basic living expenses. Still, the first thing I heard when the problems began, was to get any job I could find, as if that would have made any difference at all without public assistance and the help of a devoted family. About all that accomplished was showing those who support far right political agendas that my problem was not pride. It did nothing to solve my mounting financial problems or the crisis I found myself in.

THE HOMELESS

I have spent many hours thinking about the homeless this week, and those who stand on the side of the road holding signs. In my gratitude, there is awareness that the only difference between my options and theirs is found in my family's money and support. I have a warm shower. They don't. I have a land-line, a cell phone, and computer access with which to continue my job search. They don't. Tomorrow, I will once again have a car, though ten years old, that offers transportation. They won't. It is impossible in today's world to get and hold a job without these things.

To insist that the homeless are homeless because they won't work is ludicrous. They cannot work unless we find ways to make it possible for people to pull themselves back up by their own bootstraps. Even with my Masters degree and Substance Abuse management experience, I am not presently self supporting, or even close, and it is not because I have too much pride to accept a minimum wage job, or because I am lazy and enjoy taking handouts. I actually hold more than one minimum wage job. How much harder would it be for someone who has enjoyed less of the advantages (examples: education & wealthy family) that I have on my resume, and in my life. Most of us feel pride when we should feel gratitude. It could, and might, happen to anyone. If your stand is actually that you enjoy your wealth and don't want to share it, why don't you just say so instead of blaming the poor for being poor.

THE BLACK LAB IN MY KENNEL AND THE CHOCOLATE LAB WHO IS LOST

Maybe we have a lesson to learn from my friend's situation. Perhaps someone will protect her lost dog as we are protecting the black lab. At least, if they do not, she will not have to feel in any way that she is to blame. She did for someone else, what she would have wanted done for her. She made the world a safer, better place for one dog.

Should we do any less for humans? I am so grateful today that I was not afraid to go into the projects of Atlanta, or anywhere else I went to visit clients. The fact that I did so, provides me with some measure of peace in my present state of poverty. The people I saw there did not scare me. What frightens me about the poor, is that some people are so unfeeling about the plight of others, and do not seem to recognize their own vulnerabilities in a nation that blames the victim, and justifies a culture of greed.

Many call themselves God's people, yet have no concern or mercy for those less fortunate? Why don't professed Christians quote the apostle Paul less, and lean on the writings of Jesus Christ more often? I can only assume that those who have no mercy for the poor do not understand what being poor feels like, or how easy it is to become that way. I can only suspect that those who experience no empathy believe that the poor are somehow different from themselves, or are not interested in rising above their poverty.

Excess emotion is spilled onto every page of this writing, but perhaps this clumsy attempt at truth will enlighten someone about what being financially challenged is actually all about. I am living it, and I am not even facing any of the real risks involved for most people. Still, I am facing enough of the challenges, and feeling enough of the pain to be very concerned about those who are. Please do not waste any compassion on me. Spend it instead on those who have no family support, and feel no hope of ever climbing out of the pit, because I have discovered that it is not as easy as many would like to believe to pull oneself back out of poverty by ones own bootstraps, even for someone who is well educated and financially advantaged.