PREFERENCE AND TRUE LOVE

When it comes to relationships, does preference hold a place? When I say preference, I mean the type of person we are attracted to such as, tall, thin, short, fat etc. I don't want to get into the deep unsettled waters that concern various sexual preferences because if I state my views, I'm positive that someone out there will send me an overflow of comments. Since I'm a Christian, I'm sure those out there can guess what my views are pertaining to that. I want to deal here with the idea of preference. Does it hold a place. In my honest yet humble hopefully humble opinion I believe it does.

A single person decides that they want to date, step out into the raging rivers of the dating scene. Maybe in some areas it's more like a bubbling brook or even a dead stagnant pond. The key lies here, they have in mind what they're looking for in a date. You've possibly seen these ads that read, "I'm looking for someone between the ages of 45-55," or "Bald guys really appeal to me," or, "I want a woman who's a little heavier," and the list goes on and on. These adjectives serve as preferences, nothing less or less.

Now let's say you place one of these ads or answer one and meet this cute bald guy or heavy set girl. These serve only as examples. You two sit down for coffee or dinner but for whatever reason the chemistry doesn't match. Don't worry. You didn't fail chemistry in school. Or if you did, this doesn't represent that fact. You leave and return home and say,"Woe! What happened! I thought I was attracted to that nice girl, or that cute bald guy." Here's where folks can get into some trouble.

People often get into trouble because they become anxious in this area. They keep up the search with hopes that one day Mr. or Ms. right will walk into their lives. People often decided when the door stays open and no one walks in right away to run the first person over they meet after several unsuccessful attempts in the dating waters. Two problems occur.

First, they find anyone who meets their preferential interests and decided that serves as the end result. Or, they find anyone that will give them an emotional high only to find that their preference interest isn't met. The problem lies here. Attraction and preference though separate can mingle together, and in some cases where folks don't care that much about preference then more opportunity appears for a match.

So avoid the trap that allows you to run over the next prospective date. Keep sober and your eyes wide open. Eventually both the preference and attraction will meet together to create what so many people define as "the right one" or right type. Some folks believe that there's one person for everyone and others believe that we can pick. I think that the later can apply, but when you meet someone that matches you, why keep up the search!

So you met that bald guy or whomever that swept you off your feet and you decided to walk down the isle after you've dated for a while. The honey-moon ends, and life begins. Eventually kids come along, bills, house payments, job struggles, family struggles to name a few. What happens with preference and attraction? Do they soon fade into the land of forgetfulness? Did they serve a purpose now to never hold their place?

The vows say, "Forsaking all others," and "till death do we part," but a person thinks that their preference changed one day when their spouse doesn't seem as attractive to them. Perhaps a thinner person gained a few pounds, or perhaps the allure seems to distant or non existent. Does this mean that this couple should have paid attention in chemistry class instead of going to the burger joint? What happens if new preferences crop up and one becomes attracted to another? This does pose a dilemma or does it?

The dilemma occurs when preference and attraction fall into the wrong hands. To ensure that it falls into the right hands means that a couple now must handle it with extreme care as a soldier holds a grenade.

First, attractions will continue to taunt us. As humans with emotions and blood flowing in our veins, attractions do occur especially if that person falls into a new preference that we somehow created. Now before you read more, grab something to drink or eat and really hone in here. This is where so many folks get into trouble. OK, you're back. Great! Keep reading.

First understand that attractions exist. Own up to it. Let's be honest with ourselves. They do. Second, learn to channel that in the right direction, to our significant other, the one we forsake others to become one with, if I could end a phrase this way. Third, if for some reason a new preference lurks in the shadows outside your inner sanctuary of love toward your spouse, put an alarm system on that little house. When it tries to enter you heart, say NO! Don't dwell on it. Don't wish things were different. NO! Fourth, choose to make your spouse your preference rather than allowing the preference to decide for you. Take your original preference and let it dwell with you. Don't allow it to look outside and taunt the new one because it may succumb to it and allow it to enter. Forget attractions as they come and go like the desire for a hot cup of coffee, or a chocolate binge. Protect what's inside, your preference and own up to the choice. Soon you'll forget the new preference and your love will deepen.

In the scheme of things, preference like attraction serves merely as a superficial gateway toward what truly matters. They have their places in the early stages, but later on they soon become part of the entire mosaic and masterpiece that Marriage is meant to become. Anything new whether attraction or preference do not have their place and serve merely as emotional fowl balls hit into the bleachers of the ball park of the human mind. They serve as gutter balls at the bowling alley. Take them as they are, mere distractions or attempts to distract. Simply ignore them and keep moving in the direction and course you set out, to love cherish and honor. May your relationships and future ones be incredible ones!