Parenting - What Kind of Mom Are You?
59
You Rang?
In The Motherhood Part 1
Motherhood Part 2
When You Remember - Carrie Underwood
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Do You Zone Out?
Be There With the Attention Button On!
Mom At Attention!
Are you at home, but gone at the same time? Leave the Zombie at the movies. Don't be offended, a lot of us "zone out." It's normal. The stress of the day takes over and the mind and body react by focusing on other things instead of our children. Giveyourself a break to re-group when you get home. Sounds easy, but I know it's not.
How do you pay attention to the kids when you have so many other demands your attention and time?
First, take a look at your home time. What's got your attention? Is it housework? Supper? Friends? Arguing with older kids or spouse? The need for a quiet moment?
When you identify what steals your attention, see what you can re-arrange. When I was parenting many children, I was also working, going to college, and training foster parents and clinicians for the state child welfare department. Pressures were huge. I missed my sons. I was with them in the evening, but I was also far away much of the time. While studying about why and how a parent should spend time with their children, I was somewhat ignoring my own.
It had to change. I couldn't add hours, but I could scoot them around. I decided that when I first came home, I would sit and talk to the boys. Just talk, listen, or even play a bit with them. I gave them that all important hour, and it would often extend as I went into the kitchen to prepare the meal. They followed, sitting down at the table and talking or reading. Everyone began to feel better and ACT better. Supper was moved to 6:30 instead of 6:00, and bedtime was put off another hour for me.
Changes in behavior made it all worth it.
The kids had my attention when I first got home, and more of me right before they went to bed. Housework happened at warp speed at 10 at night. Whatever it takes to make time to be the mom at attention, do it.
One day, they'll be on their own and you'll want all that time back. They'll have habits you will think "Why didn't I work on that years ago?" They need a mom now, who can pay attention.
Make the most of your moment, Mom, growing up doesn't wait until parents have time.
See more about How To Be A Solid Mom, Step 2: Mom At Attention, here.
Here's an excerpt:
"During the last 20 years, I've parented my three sons, and over 250 foster kids. I know. Insane. Talk about hard to pay attention! I had to learn to carry on 5 or 6 conversations at the same time...which sounded something like this:
"Johnny, put your books in your - "Kerri, don't hold the cat like - "Bob, you can't stay out til 11:00, curfew during the week is 9pm, you don't need to ask, it's just the way it - "Sharon, you're aunt's on the phone, take it in the kitchen, - "Yes, honey, I'm listening, just a minute, I smell something burning... - "Who left the water on in the bathroom? - "Sharon, you never came to the phone! - "Kerri, put the CAT DOWN!" - "Lynn, I can't hear you could you speak up? - "Johnny, don't pick your nose, and no you can't pick the cat's nose either. - "
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Comments
You heve a lot of guts with all those kids doll. Good one
hey there!! I'm retired from foster parenting but we did this for 20 years... i think we were nuts.....now i'm telling the stories...=))
And I bet yo have 1000's of them. here's an idea for you...
Write a book about it. You'r a very good writer and kids' stories make very interresting reading. I'll accept 10% of your earnings.LOL
LOL am in the process of doing this. I've been writing parenting stories, and are putting more and more real live examples of foster kids experiences in them, and will have a book, ebooks first....soon I hope. it's tons of works and my parenting websites are being moved to another server this weekend, so I'm up to my neck in Kaka or alligatos, whichever you prefer. sigh. =)))
This is something that needs to be said. Of course the opposite problem exists -- moms that spend way too much attention on the kids trying to scream away physical disabilities with orders.
I am currently struggling to keep an active 4 year old involved in creative and productive tasks while trying to get my freelance writing project completed. Also planning a huge party tomorrow and planning ahead for a two week out of station trip. I really needed to read this hub to put things back in perspective!
Thanks for the "slap on the face" :) and reminder to spend more quality time with my children.
Hi robertsloan2, many parents take out their lack of understanding on others, by screaming. They're caught up in fear, but that doesn't make it right. The time and energy spent screaming at things kids or adults can't help could be better spend learning how to deal with the challenges at hand. I know from both sides. My mother was blind, and there were so many times I didn't want to be patient when leading her or handing her something. We had to take the words "it's right here" out of our vocabulary and say instead "it's two inches to the right of your left hand." It took effort, but it was so worth it. Our home became peaceful. She couldn't help not seeing, and I COULD help by not being impatient. We had to come together and we did, by working at it everyday. Patience and effor takes a family far into the light.
Hi cashmere, I can so relate. I live my life in many lanes at once, I am my own worst enemy, but, people like us both accomplish a lot, and wish we could do more....are we addicted to stress or what? Thank you for stopping by and I'm glad you felt this was helpful!! =)) come back soon and I say to you as I do to myself....slow down. =)))
Hi Princessa, only a gentle slap....LOL We all need those reminders. Parents have so much demand on their time, as we try to make the living, we forget to live. =)) leave the dishes, and read and talk to the kids. or dance with them!! =))) I bet you're doing fine!! come back soon!
We used to eat dinner really, really late and people thought we were crazy but we all got to eat together. We have wonderful memories of the four us having dinner so it was worth it and the right thing to do.
Hi Readabook, you bring something back in my own memory. My husband was a cop and for 13 years worked the night shift. When our son was just a toddler, on occasion, I would take him out at 11pm and meet Lynn at a local all night cafe that was a frequent cop hangout. He got to spend 30 - 45 minutes with his son, which was like lunchtime to him. Those are such special memories, but we were often criticized by others for having our son up so late.
When our son was school aged, we kept the tradition up on the weekends...and it gave us all great fun.
=)) Sometimes, others are way too quick to judge!! =)) Which I was reminded of in later years, when I'd see young kids out at Walmart late, late. I began to assume that perhaps they had a story like mine, and I was less quick to judge them!!
What kind of mom am I? Distracted. I needed to read this.
This is such an important topic--I'm so glad you came to understand how important it is to spend that time with your kids before it was too late...they grow up so darn fast!
I was a stay at home mom, and I had lots of time with my three kids, so I feel blessed. My favorite time was bedtime, though, reading them a story, and tucking them in--I will never forget how cute they looked--thanks for reminding me of these special times...
Hi TamCor, they do grow up fast, and those "tiring" times become the moments you want back. I loved bedtimes too, and believe putting them to bed in good moods is crucial to waking up in good moods. Beginnings and endings are very important for all of us.
As parents, we can't be so caught up in providing for them, that we spend very little time enjoying them...=)) thank you so much for coming by to read and come back soon!!! =)
Hi Laughing Mom, I'm so glad you found this helpful, we all need to slow down, especially in these hard stressful times. Enjoy the kiddos!! (and yourself...) =)) come back soon!!!
Thanks for this lovely hub. You're wonderful doing all those things and finding time to parent all those children. With just one child I often find myself zoning out! And interesting read, and I'll try to take your advice. :)
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caitlinlea says:
6 months ago
I'm not a mom yet, but I LOVE this hub...:-) Thanks for posting such good advice!!