Parenting Tips - Child Discipline And Beyond It
87Umm, parenting tips and child discipline - I never thought I would try to tackle this topic, but my own quite grown-up experience of bringing up the kids combined with what I see and hear around about parenting, and with the thoughts of how and why things happen in this life prompted me to write this hub. It may turn into a series of hubs on conscious parenting, but don’t count on it. :)
I want you to picture this: A young mommy with a toddler is navigating grocery store aisles. Toddler is safely located in the shopping cart, harnessed with seat belt. Everything goes just fine, and they both are having a great time together picking some groceries here and there, albeit time to time she has to deny his requests to buy this or that.
Getting distracted with the thoughts of choosing between macaroni and rice, while picking her favorite toilet cleaner, mum places a cart a bit too close to attractive bleach bottles on the shelf, and her toddler does not make any second thought about grabbing a bottle, of course. And proceeds to try to open it. As soon as she discovers it, mommy promptly removes the bottle from the tiny hands and puts it back on the shelf. Of course he vocally protests, but to no avail.
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Now, after you watched this small show, I want you to think what message the child got from this small episode of his life? I don’t know of course what exactly message(s) you came up with, but I let you compare this to what I was able to come up myself. Among several possible more or less reasonable messages one stands out, loud and clear:
It’s OK to rob the weaker ones of the things they enjoy, mommy does it all the time.
Let’s try to modify the plot a bit. Now more advanced in parenting mommy promptly removes the bottle from the tiny hands and puts it back on the shelf, at the same time saying something along the lines that bleach is not for kids to play because it is harmful and may kill if swallowed. There are a few new messages like “mommy does not want me to play with bleach” and “I can die” of course. But aside from it? Let me help you:
It’s OK to rob the weaker ones of the things they enjoy as long as you tell them some story about why you do it. Mommy does it all the time.
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against mommies or grocery stores, this was just an example to illustrate the point. We do it all the time to our kids, both mums and dads, and grannies and teachers and who not! Several dozen times a day every kid gets the message:
It’s OK to force weaker ones to do what you want them to do, adults do it to me all the time.
Now, here is where things get even funnier. Our toddler was being smart as all toddlers are, and just after several repetitions got the message. After grocery shopping his mom decides it’s time for him to socialize and for her to get some rest in talking to other moms, and brings him to a playground. Proud of newfound knowledge, our toddler promptly founds a weaker kid and robs him of his toy…
Our mommy, she already got tired of his wandering around and begging for toys and candy in the supermarket, now she gets quite ashamed about him not being nice to other kids. All hell breaks loose, and he gets what he deserves. His brains are working twice as hard trying to decipher the message in seemingly contradictory mom’s actions. Eventually the light bulb goes off:
It’s OK to do something, and at the same time force weaker ones not to do this.
Or, even better:
It’s OK to say and enforce something, while doing the opposite of it yourself.
Generations after generations we keep bringing up hypocrites who were conditioned to believe that not hurting weaker ones is the right thing to do, at the same time they know from personal experience that everybody including their parents does this. Stop and think for a moment how much tension this disbalance creates inside your psyche? I just wonder how many crimes are rooted in this, how many serious diseases originate from this mental disbalance, and how many lives are ruined because of it…
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You are the first Anjali, thanks for coming :)
I have my doubts too, the older I become - the more I have. Hence the hub :)
very interesting hub
That is an interesting perspective but surely it is about exactly what the child is doing i.e. taking the bleach is dangerous to the child, taking the toy that the other child had and did not belong to the child taking it. Both cases acceptable if the proper reason is understood and it is teaching the child social skills and where the boundaries are, this is very important.
Of course if you don't communicate the correct and proper reasoning you have failed to teach the child anything. Likewise if through your own actions you don't abide by the same rules you apply to your child then you have also failed and we have all seen plenty of examples of that and probably done it ourselves, no one is perfect.
But you have to do your best and at least try to get it right, without rules and boundaries we would be in a world where the strongest just take what they want and the weak get pushed around, I believe this is what would best be described as anarchy.
Very interesting hub. My take is that kids are pretty smart little creatures and it doesn't take them long to work out that there is a difference between the supermarket scenario and the taking of a toy from another child. But of course whatever we do to our children is screwing them up in one way or another so really it is a no win situation!
Thoughtful hub. I really like how you base it around that story, and your reasoning. Nice job and nice to see a new hub, yay!
Very educative and informative hub. Thanks for the education.
Yeah that is convoluted implying a child will think it is okay to rob weaker beings just because she took the bottle of bleach of the child's hands. You really don't sound like an expert at all! Weird, weird, weird!
Love the hub. The more I think about it, the more I marvel that society is not made up of nuerotics and psychotics because of what Mom and Dad did to them. Oh -- wait a minute, it is.
The truth is parents are human, frail and flawed like all humans. Personally, I call any parent a good parent if they did their best, weren't mean too often and didn't kill their kids.
Misha -A good read, this one. I think that the real goal is to keep kids from killing themselves and, all the while, letting them bump their noses so that they can grow up whole and not as little spoiled brats. Gus
Though it's about kids, and though it's not my kinda hub since I am not a parent yet, I find it amusing and educative. You tackled the subject uniquely, thanks Misha.
Hi Misha
You ought to check out Arthur Silber's blog, he has been posting on this idea for some time (along with Alice Miller), that the way children are raised causes so many more problems down the line.
This article is a good link in to all the essays he has written on the subject:
Are you a parent, Misha? I'm a fan of yours, but I have to say that your perspective is a bit strange on this. Parents don't take bleach bottles away from their kids "because they can, because the child's weaker" - they do it to keep the child safe and teach the child lessons. That's how knowledge is gained.
I have two toddlers, 3 and 4 years old, and, yes, I'm sure I have taken things away from them on many occassions for their own good and I've never seen them try to "copy" this action with other kids who are weaker than they are; they are extremely well bahaved. My oldest, however, will tell me if she sees anyone else, be it a baby or a grown up, doing something wrong or dangerous in her eyes and I applaude that!
Nor do I think they'll grow up and become criminals because I told them to stay away from the stove or took away something potentially dangerous from them.
I do believe that you are a product of your environment and things parents do will have a huge impact on shaping a childs behavior and personality as they grow, but teaching them important lessons about things that are dangerous just can't be detrimental, the way I see it.
Misha, I will wait and see where you go with the rest of the series, before I comment on your implicit anti-violence message.
Let me just share how I handled the "don't touch" message with my daughter when she was a toddler, when we were shopping. The thing I kept repeating every time she reached for an item was this: "It's not ours. It doesn't belong to us." I then tried to explain that we must not touch unless we mean to buy, and that since I was the one who had the money, I would decide what we would buy.
In the play situation, the rules I emphasized were: your toy is yours. The other child's toy is theirs.
Hi guys, thanks for coming. Sorry, i was busy with the kids and did not have time to answer. In fact still busy, but think i can type a few words now, just to let you know I am with you. :)
Yes Lily, I do have kids. In fact my older one is 26 already, and all this info is available on my profile. :) And this is exactly watching their behavior what prompted me to write this hub. But as usual, I am not forcing my opinions on anybody. Those who are ready will get the message. :)
Yes Brian, those of us who actually bother to take parenting seriously are striving to do their best, and this hub is a part of it for me. I am not against the safety message in any way, I am just saying that the way we enforce it leads to hypocrisy. It does Brian, kids at that age don;t really understand the dangers, this is the very reason we have to enforce safety on them. There is no material difference to them between bleach and toy. :)
Yes Catherine, they are undeniably smart. Yet see my answer above to Brian. :)
Thanks Tori and Shamel, hope you recall it if you ever decide to have kids. :)
LOL Lmmartin, I agree. And a bit of awareness would not hurt thought. :)
Yes Gus, this is pretty much my parenting philosophy, too. And having kids at older age, I actually can apply it to practice. :)
Mike, I will definitely give it a read, thanks. :)
Aya, I am not sure there will be a series, so if you have something to say, you better say it now. :) And hub was not exactly about do not touch message, but rather about the way we enforce it. As for anti-violence, I am not so sure it is this way. I am sort of on the fence about it now. It might as well be that anti-violence message is wrong, at least for that age. Wrong in a sense it does not work and only creates problems. :)
Sumaira and Philipo, thanks for visiting. :)
Misha, since you asked, here goes. I do not think it is hypocritical to play the "I'm bigger than you are, so do as I say" card. It is hypocritical ONLY if you are pretending that this is NOT what you are doing.
Face it: you, the parent, do have more power than your very young child -- and it's a good thing, too! Imagine if the situation were reversed.
Most parents are not bullies, and they don't throw their power around just to show who is boss. They use their temporary physical advantage in order to protect the child and to help to prepare the child for the time when they will no longer be able to offer protection.
I'm not so sure I agree Misha. Perhaps it is due to where I have worked in the past, but it's been my experience that kids know what they are and are not supposed to do and look to their parents for cues on how to proceed. I've seen my nieces who are 2 and 3 look to my brother or their mother to see if what they are doing meets with their approval.
Rather than strong people doing what they want, I think its more along the lines of "the person who gives me things". In order to keep their provider happy, they do what the provider wants.
This is an unhealthy behavior in an adult, which is why it's a good thing that kids start asking why and teens start exploring the why of thing, it's all to the good. The tricky part as parents or guardians is to know when and how to loosen things so that kids can grow, but at the same time stay safe.
I'm not even sure you should call discipline violence. Because kids need someone to tell them where the boundaries are, the prohibition against corporal punishment doesn't apply like it does with adults. I've seen kids who will push and push and push until they get a physical reaction. They need to know where the boundaries are. If they don't know, they'll push.
Not that we were allowed to use physical force to impose our restrictions, we had to use "softer" methods. Which work, but much less perfectly than "harder" methods. That's one of the reasons our recidivism rates were so high.
A couple of weeks before I was let go, I ran into a kid I'd worked with for about a year and a half. He left the program several years ago and was 19. He'd already been in and out of jail (not prison, that's something I guess) several times. Now when he was there I'd told him numerous times that he'd wind up in jail if he didn't take things more seriously. He was a joker and thought he could talk his way out of things. Since talk was our primary tool in dealing with things, he started to get the impression that he could talk his way out of anything.
Another problem was because he held some of his staff in such high esteem that just reinforced his thinking that he could talk authority around to his way of thinking and get off scot free. In talking with him I still heard his excuses for why it wasn't his fault and his belief that he could game the system. I wouldn't be surprised if he were in jail again.
Was there any message about Anarchy in your hub, Misha? :-) It's not just about a harmful bleach and other kid's toy, is it?
:-)
Misha, this made me laugh, and made me think....I'm glad my kids are grown. I guess, when I was growing up it was about respecting adults, they knew best. When my kids were growing up it was less a demand and more an education. These days it's not trying to hurt a kids feelings. Times do change. I'm glad you're writing again.
I think I disagree Aya. "Do as I say, not as I do" is the very essence of hypocrisy to me. And if everybody does it, it does not make it less hypocritical. :)
I also would sort of disagree on parents not being bullies. They are. Most of the parents in Western culture micromanage their kids, and the famous "you have to share" is always giving me shivers, too. And while they micromanage, they are enforcing their managing moves, many times over multiplying the repetition of "do as I say"...
LDT, I think you get so carried away with your own experience, you changed the topic completely. :) I was not really talking about boundaries (though I am not that sure about them) and other stuff you mentioned. I was not really talking about violence either.
Rather I was talking about hypocrisy of "do as I say not as i do". When/if you get your own kids, you will have a chance to watch, and then you might see were I am coming from. I know that you worked with difficult kids, I suppose they were a bit older than toddlers though. :)
Seriously, I often see my 5 year old imposing and enforcing arbitrary restrictions on his 3 year old sister...
LOL Vera, no, no anarchy here. But you are right in a sense - it is all parts of how human beings operate, so they are definitely sort of related. :)
Hi Jib, glad you came. I don't think it's about not hurting kids feelings though - but it is definitely about bringing up a mentally healthy adult that does not need to rely on drugs for sanity... :)
Heh, I figured you were talking about little ones. We didn't have too many but we did have a few that were six or seven years old. Working with them was doubly tough because in order for placement they already had to be through the system once. I always did better with the older kids, although I wasn't too shabby with the younger ones. I let the college kids try to keep up with them, I wish I had that kind of energy. :)
It's kind of funny to watch my nieces, how the older tries to boss the younger around. I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. At least not if there is parental supervision around. It's amazing how little kids will watch your reaction and act according to what they see. It's like watching a little kid fall, most times they'll look around to see how you act. If you're horrified and jumping up and down, making a lot of noise, they usually start crying. If, on the other hand, you remain calm and collected, they tend to shrug things off and continue with their day.
I really do believe that you can turn just about anything into a lesson with kids, even those as young as yours. You could try to focus the 5 year old away from arbitrary rules and more towards enforcing those things that will keep the 3 year old out of trouble.
Actually you have two types of bad parents in the US. Those that try to live vicariously through their kids and those who pay no attention whatsoever to their kids. Both types of parents tend to screw their kids up. Heck I lost count of the number of times I was told to do something because my father said so. Still, at least with me, I learned that you can't just impose your will on kids without some sort of explanation. In the end, that sort of thinking is what made my job easier when I worked with my kids.
Misha, I had 3 kids, the oldest boy turned out to be the smartest, and most mature. I credit that to the constant attention he got his first 3 years, he had the benefit of an explanation of why he should or should not 'drink bleach'. The middle child learned the 'that's not your' version, from his brother, he is the most selfless and giving. The third, the youngest, was a spoilled girl. She was given the least attention as a child, but was given the most in material things, she grew up a liberal. None of them got into drugs, course I used to have my doubts about the Liberal and pot. So, the moral of the story is, be a good parent, the role model, and let nature take it's course. Kids are smarter than we think. :)
Misha - thanks for such a different point of view! Maybe kids do get confused - we parents are such a confused lot, aren't we? :D
I tend to agree with jiberish though - they really are smarter than we give them credit for. Finally, it's the example we set them that has the most influence I feel.
Thought-provoking hub!
LOL LDT, you covered the area suitable for several books about parenting, not just a mere hub comment. :) I do agree to most of what you said, and it does not invalidate my concern - as far as I am concerned LOL.
Jib, I am afraid my oldest got the least attention. We both were young and quite indoctrinated, and did not really know any better than to try to make him to obey us. Nevertheless, he grew up pretty independent and smart. I still feel guilty about not giving him enough signs of love though, as I was really scared about bringing up a homosexual...
Shalini, glad to see you here. :) Yeah, they are undeniably smart, and this is exactly why I am afraid they are getting the mentioned message. Well, I am not afraid, I am pretty sure they do. Yes, we teach them by example, and this particular example is quite terrible...
Excellent, Misha. In addition to that, very small children do not perceive the difference between "I,myself" and the rest of the world, whatever they see is part of their world, so do not understand why they cannot have what belongs to them.
Parenting is the most tricky job in the world, whatever you do as parent, is just not possible to avoid mistakes. But, who is perfect? Just relax and do your best...
Misha: As I read this, I felt as as if you got into a little tyke's head and percieved the world from their innocent perspective and its excellent. :)
Yes, they probably think in their little minds, that if mommy took something away from them, they also can do likewise, but as they get older they learn to use discernment between taking a toy away that does not belong to them or being protected from a harmful substance.
Yep, as usual, what is really learned is, "Blame it all on Mommy, everyone else does!" :)
Glad to see a new hub from you. I haven't seen your name in my inbox for a very long time. Though I think I see your name in Hubtivity. Congrats on 1840 fans. Wow. That must be some kind of record.
Great hub Misha! Today, I am a big supporter of positive discipline and finishing my first hub on how to communicate with our kids to be a better parent.
It’s funny that only now, when my kids are teens, I have learned my lessons. How was I supposed to know back fifteen years ago, that I must drop everything I am doing at the moment and have a pleasant educational chat with my daughter about this fascinating thing called “bleach” or do some other tricks to make her return the bottle to the shelf on her own? It takes work and time to train ourselves to do it right, but it’s worth it, no doubt about it. Some sort of parenting school wouldn’t be a bad idea before kids learn all the wrong things simply by following their parents footsteps :) ?
An interesting take, Misha. That's one cynical kid...but then kids are cynical. I don't have kids so I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to do it, but before I read this I would have gone with the "taking it away and explaining it was bad for you." Maybe if the parent actually let the kid drink the bleach he would understand than mommy speaks the truth. Kidding, of course, but what is the option? Or are we just doomed?
Hi guys, thanks for coming:)
Tanechka, did not see you for a while, have to come to your hubs more often. I am pretty relaxed, I am just trying to share my thoughts about it - this is pretty much all I can do, aside from trying to bring up my own ones as best as I can - and I am happy I can. :)
Yeah Violet, this is exactly what i am trying to do for the last several years - very entertaining and educational experience, mind you. :)
Storytellers, I know it's not a record number, quite a few people have more fans than me. But I am trying my best to outdo them - j/k :)
BelayaSova, I guess you are the one who understood what I said better then anybody else on this thread. Is it just a Russian thing I start wondering? And please publish, I am dying to read it. Oh, and thanks for the song, I enjoyed it. :)
Chris, we can call kids cynical of course. But I think their are just very honest. Until we teach them that black is not really black, they call it as they see it. Yes, taking and explaining is much better than just taking, but the answer is (assuming we are trying to be not hypocritical, and we think that forcing other should be avoided) what BelayaSova mentioned - persuade them. It takes an awful lot of time, and unfortunately not always possible, but it seems to be the way to go :)
Another option is to trick them, to divert their attention, and this is relatively easy at this age - but should be done with care - or you may relay another wrong message ;)
Misha, love this, your insight is refreshing. the bleach bottle in itself is not dangerous, if he drinks it, it is. highly unlikely he would get the sealed top off.
I probably would have not shown any reaction other than, 'wow, that's a big bottle isn't it? I don't need any bleach today. that's for when mommy does the laundry. we need to put it back on the shelf.' when we react instead of respond, the child will react also. any parent knows when you tell a child they can't have it, they want it more. what the kid did was not wrong. he sees mom and others taking things off the shelf.
you need to keep writing from the male/father perspective. I think many would enjoy reading it.
wow i never really thought in that sense. but i agree, there will be some kids who actually might think that way. thanks for sharing.
Rebekah, you sound like a wise mom. I would have joined your fan club, if I was not there already. :) And this was not exactly about bleach being dangerous, you can substitute it with a pack of candy or something really neutral like like kleenex box. I just wanted to make this example with some object that obviously has to be removed from the child the sooner the better. :)
Sminut, thanks. :)
Great read Misha. Er is this why you are sleeping in your avatar (because you're too tired from all the parenting, j/k). We don't have kids yet but we're kind of 'raising' a 3-year old niece. And sometimes, I really get confused on how best to raise her. It's becoming like a 'no you can't do that' game for us all the time. Sometimes, we manage to successfully distract her but other times, we just impose on her. This is a great hub Misha, hope you write more about parenting as I'm picking up a couple of lessons from this one :).
Misha, my policy is not "Do as I say, and not as I do." My policy is "Do as I say and as I do."
I say: "Don't take something belonging to somebody else, unless you have their permission." That's what I do, too.
I also say: "If somebody tries to take something belonging to you without your permission, you may use physical force to deter them from doing so, just as I use physical force to deter others from taking what is mine."
How does that make me a hypocrite? If you believe in private property, how else could it possibly work?
I have never told my daughter she has to share. I have explained to her that if she wants to have friends, then it might be a good idea to let them play with her toys. But it's strictly up to her. Her stuff, her choice.
What the child should learn is that, "There are different rules for grown-ups than children. Since I'm smaller and weaker, I am not allowed to touch whatever I want in the grocery store. When I am big like Mommy I can have lots more fun doing neat things like picking up a bottle of bleach and putting it in my very own grocery cart." Yippie! I tell my child, "Isn't it great to be a kid? You don't have to worry about things like shopping or bills. Everything you need is already taken care of so you can just play, play, play. Uh, when we get home, of course. And only with the things I tell you that you can play with." ha ha!
Thanks Emievil. LOL This pic has been taken by my 5 year old kid btw. :) Yeah, it get really tricky quite often, and it is really hard to walk the fine line between keeping them safe and micromanaging them. :)
This is the perfect Avatar for you Misha. I cracked up when I saw it.
Aya, I think we have some kind of misunderstanding here, and I am really sorry I sounded like calling you a hypocrite. You are the last person I would accuse of conscious hypocrisy. :) I was talking about the regular parents, one of examples just below your last post. LOL
Using power on your child is perfectly OK with me – as long as you at the same time don’t teach them that using power on weaker ones is bad. So, what I am telling basically is that if a parent wants to avoid that kind of hypocritical message, they better decide for themselves if they teach kids that enforcing others is bad or not. If it’s OK, it’s OK. But if it is not, then them enforcing whatever their rules are relay a “do as I say, not as I do” message. :)
Umm, Willismiller, "what the child should learn?"... I am sorry for your children...
LOL Thanks Jib. I don't think it will stay for long though, people keep making fun of me because of it :)
The avatar is funny, had meant to say something, but guess others did it for me. LOL! Read most of the comments after I made mine, and you sound like a caring and psychologically aware parent, which is a blessing for your family.
I stopped by to give you a good spanking. That's all I child really needs. Done properly with love of course, soon it is never needed again as you have gained their respect.
Hey Misha, Good hub, I enjoyed it and it took me back to early parenting joys ( haha). I was one of 9 kids and we lived miles from any big stores(well they werent big,but they seemed big then )Anyway as much as possible , we didnt go shopping with our mum, she had to be organised to manage that one...but I do remember around the age of 8 or 9 demanding I have these shoes (cuz now Im aware of my rights -haha) but I guess the Government never told my parents ,cuz I never got anything out of sheer want or curiousity...
Later as a young mother ,I was firm but consistant, I even signed a petition for a candy free checkout aisle at our supermarket...very helpful..we called it the tantrum free checkout.
I didnt always get it right , but common sense with lots of patience worked well for me ,parenting 3 sons and 2 step sons! Thankyou for the good read!
He-he, thanks Violet! And thanks again! :)
LOL Charlie, we are getting into a dangerous territory here. Spanking a man? :O
Kiwi yes, it does require heaps of patience, you are so right! :)
Misha, we're waiting for your next installment. :) hey, I checked my fans and I didn't see you. :( maybe you thought you had or saw me as one of yours. come on over.
advice apart, I love your writing style....witty, understated and truly insightful. I totally agree that it's our childhood experiences (and parenting influences) that make us the adults we are today and I don't think we realize enough how very impressionable children are! anyway, really enjoyed reading this...so thank you for sharing!
Misha: This hub is certainly an eye-opener. I hope you don't mind if I reflect to a few opinions here. Parenting has always been probably the only topic I could actually kill over. :)
Brian - You can't communicate reason or logic to a toddler, because they don't understand these. Probably the best thing you can do about this is make him feel good about losing that bottle. I don't know how on earth you do that. It is important to realize that even adults don't base their decisions on logic, but EMOTIONS.
Catherine - optimistic. Unfortunately, we still have greedy, selfish and hypocritical 'fellow human beings'.
Immartin - good people do bad things, that's for sure; and dying can be a slow slow process.
shamelabboush - you're not a parent yet, but if you plan to be, or even if you don't just yet, grab every opportunity to read such hubs.
Lily Rose - the secret is in the method you use to teach them. And check out the term 'field-dependent'. I'm happy I did myself.
Aya - you are so clever, as always. we always have to take the time to get our point across. That's parenting. :)
LOL Rebekah, I am sorry, I was sure I was your fan! Now i went and checked, and to my shame I was not! Fixed of course. :)
Thanks Myownworld, so sweet of you. :) And you know, I don't think it is only experiences that make us what we are. We are not a blank slate when we are born, after three kids I am positive about that. :)
Hi Pacal, thanks for stopping by, and be my guest - I think we are more or less on the same page here. :)
Interesting take on things, Misha. My rule of thumb: teach by being the example. Children learn from modelling behaviors of ones they watch, especially parents. As such, I do my best to teach through what I do and reinforce by what I say. Tough, but it can be done. Patience is a necessary requirement to succeed. And yes, what we do to our children impact their lives and the cycle will be repeated unless someone can teach them otherwise and/or we change our own behaviors.
I am doing more or less the same Beth, for exactly the same reasons. I do realize though I fail miserably sometimes, I am just human, and I am just learning, and those little angles/devils do know ways to drive me crazy. :)
Misha, I agree. Kids do have reasoning power (just a limited vocabulary) and they do connect all kinds of mental dots in their heads. You have to find a way to explain using words in their voculary. Also, like most adults, they respond well to common courtesy. They also mimmick behavior. It's how they learn. I would consider it rude if someone snatched something from me without explanantion, so why would I do that to a child? Worse, *teach* that to a child. Nice hub. I gave it a thumbs up!
Hi Linda. Yes, absolutely, we are on the same page :)
Oh Misha... conditioning - perhaps a social construction? It seems that society has entrapped itself, dont you think?
I have a perspective, babes..
Yeah, and the worst thing about it the vast majority are in plain denial. Comment thread here is not really indicative of this, cause people on HP tend to be much more thinking than the average population...
Will go and check on your shortly :)
Good stuff, Misha. You've hit on one of the reasons I avoided taking my daughter to the grocery store when she was little. The temptations are simply not fair. And there's nothing I hate more than hearing a crying kid at the grocery - I immediately feel sorry for them. They have to be tired, bored, in a constant state of frustration from all the goodies denied them. I hate shopping, personally, and didn't want to impose the unpleasantness on my little girl. Now that she's a teenager, however, she does not seem to have the same concern for me! :-) She LOVES to drag me to the mall!
Hello Misha, you are a good writer, I like your hub. I also wanted to say a big thank you for your kind word on the forum. I really feel more than welcome now, thanks to hubbers like you. God Bless you Misha. :)
Maybe it's not OK, but that it's possible, and THAT raises the question - Even good children know how to be bad; when will it show?
I do think the toddler perceives the mother as stronger or more powerful than him/her, but the care the mother has given the toddler for the first few years of his/her life is accorded into how the child's schema of what is right and what is wrong forms.
anjalichugh says:
5 weeks ago
Wow! That was funny. Interesting hub from a child's perspective. Parents try to do the best for their kids but then it finally comes down to what we often say....'Who knows what is right or wrong!' Do we, as parents, know the answer? I have my doubts.