Parenting can be both rewarding and extremely difficult. I know I have been there myself. I decided to create a  virtual community where parents can connect. A place where parents can get together to share experiences, learn and grow. A place where parents can turn when they feel overwhelmed, or frustrated .

Please sit back, relax and share your parenting experience with us. Do not forget to come back, Because new topics will be added often.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone. It is not gender, age, race, sexual orientation or social economic specific. Domestic violence is defined by behavior that is used in order for a person to get control and power over another person. This action can be emotional, economical, or sexual.  It can also be threats or other types of actions towards another that would scare hurt, intimidate, manipulate, or humiliate.  This action generally leaves physical or emotional injuries.

Why They Stay

Many people who are abused blame their self for the abuse, but they are not to blame. It’s not their fault. It’s the abuser fault; they have an anger problem and need help.  Many stay because they are scared of what will happen to them, how they will pay the bills, or that the abuser will find them.  There is help out there. They don’t need to live in fear.

The Abusers

The abuser will often say that it won’t happen again that they are sorry for their actions and they will change. They may believe this, but the truth is once the abused person agrees to stay they enable the abuser to beat them again. Only next time the beatings will be worse than before.  The abuse can get help but first have to take full responsibility for their behavior and goes to a councilor. . Your abuser has a better chance if they see what they did as bad and takes full responsibility for it. Sometimes counseling helps while other times it doesn’t

Signs of Physical and Mental Abuse

Some of the behaviors of abuse include name calling or continuous insults.

 Humiliation in front of friends and family

An abuser is generally very possessive and jealous, doesn’t show trust towards you and constantly accuses you of cheating.  

Because of the lack of trust the abuser will watch where you go and will monitor all of your phone calls.

The abuser tries to isolate especially from friends and family.

They will have control over all the finances and generally won’t allow the abused to have a job.  This is to ensure dependence on them.

They will make the abused to ask for permission to do anything.

 The abuser will threaten acts of violence toward them, their children and family pets.

Signs of Sexual Abuse Include

The abuser will constantly accuse them of cheating and will be jealous about past relationships.

The abuser will insist that they dress sexy.

They will Insult them with sexual innuendoes and sexual names.

They will force you to have sex even when you said you didn’t want to or after they are beaten.

The abuser will hurt them with objects during sex.

The abuser will often want others to join in regardless of how they feel. 

They don’t care about anyone’s sexual feelings but their own.

While They Are in an Abusive Situation

While you are in the abusive situation it is important for you to find a support group and have a circle of people that will be there to give you love and support.  They should find positive things about themselves and keep reminding their selves about these good qualities. They should NEVER put their self down.  This will only help the abuser to gain more control over them.

Make an Escape Plan

 First Make an escape plan and practice it often. This would include having a list of people who they can go to if you need assistance.

 They should know the emergency numbers, numbers of shelters and domestic violence hotline.

  They should set up a code that will let people know you are in trouble and need police assistance.

They should store money, cloths, important papers and phone numbers somewhere where the abuser don’t know about and where they can get to easily.

 They should make sure that the driver’s car door is always unlocked, they have a spare key that is easy to get to and the car has enough gas to get you away from the situation.

They should watch for situations when you know your abuser will be angry, upset and find ways to leave when you see these signs.

If they become trapped in the house know what areas are safer than others.  They don’t want to end up in small enclosed places where you can’t leave or where the abuser could find something to use to hurt them with. They should definitely try to go to a room with a phone, outside door or window.

Help is Available

You can call 911 0r 1800-787-3224

For Sexual assault you can call 1800-656- 4673

 For Stalking you can call 1800- 394-2255 or email them at gethelp@ncvc.org. Help is available from 8-8 Eastern Time.

For Teen Dating Abuse you can call 1-866- 331-9474 help is available 24 hours a day or visit them from 4pm to 2 am CST at www.loveisrespect. Org

 Web Page Resources

 Help

 http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm

http://www.womenslaw.org/

Advocacy Program

 http://www.letswrap.com/usadv/

Victim Law

http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/Main.aspx

http://www.womenslaw.org/

You should be treated with respect and dignity. You and your children don’t deserve this.  Your family deserves to be happy and safe. PLEASE GET OUT before it’s too late before you become another statistic.

 It is difficult to find a babysitter that you can trust especially now days with all that’s going on in the world. Even when you do find a good babysitter parents still find their self’s wondering if their child is being taken care of correctly. How do you find a trustworthy baby sitter? This is what I will discuss in my blog today.

There are several ways to begin your search. Many parents’ puts up signs at local grocery stores convince stores and churches. Others post signs at colleges and high schools. News papers are another way to advertise for a babysitter. You can always go to an employment agency, your local Department of Human Services or do an online search. Of course an employment agency and online services can be rather costly. Once you have found a few prime candidates. The next step would be to interview them.  

During the interview you need to get a sense of who they are including their morals and values.  There is a good chance this will reflect their babysitting ability. You should begin by any previous experience they might have had, what their views are on those different jobs, and why they aren’t sitting for the children any longer. Be sure to check with their former employers once the interview is over. At some stage in the interview you should ask them hypothetical questions about caring for your child for instance; If Bobby chokes what do you do? If he falls down and has an injury, what do you do?  This should continue until you feel confident that they are qualified to take care of your child, and that they can think fast if a situation does occur. Before ending the interview be sure that they are CPR and first aid certified just in case something does happen.

Once you have checked references and are satisfied with the results bring the person back and show them around the house. Make sure you point out where the emergency numbers are. The numbers should include what business you will be at and when. It should also include a cell phone number just in case they miss you. It’s wise to include other family members on the list. In addition to this you should also include poison control, the police department, fire department and ambulance. On your tour make sure you show them where the first aid kit is. Be sure to instruct the sitter to lock the doors when you leave and any other house rules you might have. Specify what time you want your child in bed and any routine they might have. You should also instruct them about any allergies, medicines and diet restrictions they might be on. It’s wise to make a note of this and keep it by the emergency numbers for future reference.

If you are still concerned about your child’s well being even after these steps, you can always survey what is going on at home by utilizing a surveillance camera. There are several affordable cameras on the market, ranging in varies sizes. One popular type is a nanny cam. This camera slides into different children’s toys so it is hard to detect. Of course you should also call often while you are out. This way you can ensure yourself that everything is running smoothly.  It is also a wise idea to only let this person baby sit an hour or two the first night and slowly increase the time as they win your trust and confidence.

Babysitters can take a big chunk out of your pay check. This is especially true when you are a single parent. There are programs set up to assist low income parents with their baby sitting need. Two of these places are the YMCA and the boys and girls club. Often the school will transport your child directly to these places instead of your home. The government also has programs to assist parents. You can find out about these at either your local Department of Human Services or at the following two links below. http://www.singleparentingfordummy.com/daycare_assistance_single_parent.php

http://www.dpw.state.pa.us/servicesprograms/childcareearlyed/003670907.htm

Finding a trustworthy babysitter can be difficult, but if you interview them extensively and check all their references chances are you will find one that you can trust to take good care of your treasures while you are away.

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Your child has been going to a daycare from the time they were little, but now your precious little one is 3. You feel like it is time for them to advance to Pre School. You were told that preschools will help your child to adjust to the school setting. You were also told that it will give your child advantages over their peers. You’re unsure on how to choose the best preschool for your child. I will explain how to find an adequate preschool in this blog.

Once you decide to search for preschools you first need to decide what your priorities are. This should include curriculum, activities, learning approach, and discipline. What do I want my child to learn? How do I want my kid to be taught? When the child acts out what type of punishments are tolerable and what is not.

When you have these answers in mind ask around about the different schools in the area. Your friends and family will often give you some good advice. If they have attended a specific school ask them about their experience, teachers, how they felt about the school and how their child liked it. Also ask if they would they enroll another child in the school, why or why not.

Another place to search would be the phone book. There is also a toll free number you could call to get information about pre schools, that number is 1800 424-2246.  The National Association of Family Child care (NAEYC) also has a web site where you can find helpful information. Once you have a few places in mind it’s wise to check with the local Better Business Bureau to find out if there have been any complaints against the school.

Once you have a few choices in mind you should visit the school. During this visit it is wise to ask about things like; cost, hours, vacations and activities. You should also discuses the school polices, philosophies, nutrition and discipline, Make sure these things agree with your priorities. 

Another thing to check is that the teacher student ratio isn’t too high. It’s recommended that it should be 1 teacher for 5 students if your child is 2 or 3. There should be1 teacher for every 7 students in the 3 and 4 year old category. The school should have no less than1 teacher for every 15 children in the 5 year old group. The teachers should be experienced and there should be a big turn over, because consistence and routine are important in a child’s development.

On your tour watch how the teachers handles the students and her teaching methods. Also when you are touring try to get a feel for the school. Ask yourself is the school environment should be warm, friendly, clean and safe?  Another question to ask your self is how I would feel if I was a child attending this school?

Your second tour should include your child. While you are strolling though the school watch how your child reacts. Another thing to note is whether your child appears comfortable, relaxed or if they are tense. Introduce your child to their teacher and watch how they interact. Could there be a bond there? Does the teacher show concern for your child’s well being?  If you are satisfied with what you see your search is over. If this school is unsatisfactory continue your search using the instructions above until you find one that everyone will be happy with.

The first day of school can be very scary for a child. For some of them it could be the first time they are separated from their parents for the first time maybe the fear comes from it’s the idea of going to a new place with a bunch of strangers.  I will show you ways to help your child reduce their fear so the first day of school will be a memorable one.

The way you prepare your child depends on them individually. Generally a child is fearful about this change.  Have your child express their fears. Remember the issues that seem little to you it are a big deal to them. So you should address each of these problems individually. While you are discussing the fears be sure to listen patently to the child and answer any questions they have. This would also b a good time to talk to them about school tell them what they will be doing and where they will be going. Emphasis different activities that you think they would enjoy.  

Another way to address fears is by playing different games. Some of these might include acting like you are talking to a large crowd. This will help them with shyness and help boost their self esteem. Another good idea is to have your child role play with different toys. Their toy could be the teacher and you r toy the student

Different type of arts has shown to reduce fear. Painting a picture is a form of expression that will also help minimize fears. Writing is another idea that involves the arts. Have the child tell you what they are scared of. You can make a list of their fears and then talk about each one. Some children may benefit from reading books about going to school.

Playing with children their own age and attending the schools open house two more wonderful ideas. During the open house make sure they see their classroom where they will be sitting and meet with their teacher and other classmates. Interacting with children their own age is another way to reduce anxiety. This interaction will enhance social skills.

A few days before school starts have your child help pick out the school supplies that they will need. By them helping prepare for the big day they feel better about going to school that they have choices. When you pick out school supplies remember the supplies don’t have to be extravagant. Because more than likely half of it will break or be lost before they reach the middle of the school year. It is also a good idea to label their things. This will make their belongings easier to retrieve when they are lost.

  You might want to start preparing for the first day of school the night before. You can have your child help you by choose things like cloths, lunch and other things they may want to take along with them. It’s also a good idea to put your child to bed early the night before. This will ensure that they will get enough rest for the big day.

The next morning make sure you have plenty of time to get ready.  Stress is only added when you rush around. Be sure to include time for a good healthy breakfast before school. If the child cries about going to school don’t become upset. It is best to stay calm and keep talking to them about what a great place school. Explain to them what school will be like. Again reemphasize activities that you know that your child will enjoy.

When it is time to drop off your child whether is it at the door or classroom door don’t linger. Long goodbyes will only make things worse. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep. Often times a parent will be tempted to say I will be right outside your door or I’ll pick you up early. Don’t say this unless it is true. Most importantly don’t let your child see you upset this will only make their fears worse. Instead you need to act like everything is alright and that you will see them right after school.

Seeing your child off to their first day of school can be difficult. It’s the time when most parents realize their baby is growing up. By being upset parents make the child fears worse. It is best to stay calm when that big day arrives.  Be sure to talk with your children beforehand about their fears this includes reading books, playing games and visiting the school during open house.  This with your calm composure will ensure a happier first day of school.

There are three types of parents they are; authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. The authoritarian tries to control a child's behavior. The permissive disciplinary allows them to do too much. The authoritative parent sets rules and punishments. While punishing, the authoritarian explain what the child did, and the rationale behind the rule. They are the parents who successfully raise children. This blog will discuss the authoritative way of disciplining children and how to incorporate it in your behavior modification techniques.

There are several ways to discipline your child. The method you choose should, depend on the child's age and demeanor. Some of the more beneficial types include; utilizing logical and natural consequences, revoking privileges, and time outs. When you use logical consequences you punish them for what they did not do for instance; you left out your belongings so now you can not have them back for a length of time. This punishment should be done right away, with constancy. You should explain your rationale calmly with authority. Natural consequences can be used if they will not danger the child. An example of this would be; you broke something and now you need to find a way to replace it. Another way to discipline your child is revoking privileges like watching TV playing video games or playing with friends. When using this discipline make sure it fits the wrongdoing. One example would be your child played games instead of doing homework, so now your game privileges are taken away. When utilizing this punishment you should do it immediately after the crime. You should never take away something essential like food or water.

Time out is a good discipline tool for any child over a year. It is especially helpful for aggressive behavior, or anger management. Explain why they are being punished, then choose an area where they will be bored without distractions. The time should be set according to age. It is suggested adding 1 minute per year. If the child misbehaves in time out explain they need to stop, and reset the timer when they stop. If they refuse to go into timeout, place them there and hold them in the area. Explain to your child why you are holding them there. When time out is over redirect your child to appropriate activities.

Raising children can be very difficult. This is especially true if you are using nonproductive behavior modification techniques. This blog has given you four alternative methods of discipline they are; natural and logical consequences, revoking privileges, and time out. Logical consequence is the result of what they did not do. Natural consequence is a behavior modification technique that makes them face responsibilities for their actions. Revoking privileges is taking away a favorite activity, because this activity was the reason for the wrongdoing. Timeouts are used for anger management. It an also be used when they need to be separated from something, or someone. When disciplining, make sure you are firm, fair and consistent. Never miss an opportunity to show your child love and affection.

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Being a parent can be very stressful. Over time, this stress can build up which could lead to serious health issues. Some of these include stroke and heart attack. There are numerous ways to relieve stress. I have listed a few of my stress reliving techniques below.

Aroma Therapy Many people use essential oils made from plant extract. They blend them together to produce a pleasant smell. This stress reliever is also beneficial when you are soaking in a nice hot bath tub.

Guided imagery This technique involves picturing yourself in a peaceful place. Close your eyes and try to imagine this place. Picture what you would hear, smell and feel in your favorite spot. Breathe deep while you are picturing the details. This will also help you relax.

Music and Massage Listening and singing to your favorite tune is an affective way of relieving stress. Some times relaxing tense muscles will alleviate stress.

Laughing and crying Sometimes a good comedy or a tear jerking love story is what the doctor ordered. Either of these also helps relieve stress.

Meditation Close your eyes and listening only your own breathing. When a thought pops in your head, let it go. The only thing you should concentrate on is how your breathing sounds and feels.

Walking / Nap A short walk will relieve stress. While you are walking, stop and take in the scenery. If you follow your walk with a nap, you will feel rested and stress free when you wake.

Stress is a part of everyday life. With kids, bills, work and home it is no wonder why stress related health issues are on the rise. There are ways to control our stress levels some of them include aroma therapy, massage, meditation, or taking a nap. Sometimes people will feel better if they sings real loud, screams or takes a brisk walk. While other times, something as simple as watching a movie will work. Remember that life is too limited to worry about every little detail.