Parents of Autistic Children
71The Hopes and Dreams
The hopes and dreams of a parent of a child with Autism gets dashed when they receive that initial diagnosis.
Until you hear those four little words "Your child has Autism", to a certain degree, you can explain away their little nuances and you can fob off comments from family and friends but when you are given the diagnosis of Autism, it is like a physical void opens in your chest and you have difficulty breathing. Even if you already suspected it yourself, it is not the same.
All those plans that you had for your child since they were mere infants, gone. Replaced by an uncertain future.
A period of denial usually follows, then a grieving period.
You have the body of the child but for a lot of parents of children on the Autism Spectrum, the life spark of the child has gone.
Jakie's Story
The Parent's Isolation
Because of the nature of this condition, parent's are often socially isolated. Raising children who don't often tolerate outings.
It is difficult for a lot of them to have any semblance of a normal life.
And even despite recent and overdue I might add, media attention regarding Autism, there are still a number of folks out there that are quick to judge parents of Autistic children.
If you have children who have Autism, you have to work at building up a support network.
It makes a world of difference to parents to know that they are not alone. That there are other people in the world going through exactly the same types of things that they are going through, battling the same hurdles, changing their hopes and dreams for their children.
There are many places that you can contact to find other like situationed parents in your area, or if not your area, that you can at least keep in contact with by internet or phone.
It helps so much just to have someone to talk to sometimes that understands the unique and challenging difficulties that you as a parent of a child with Autism faces on a daily basis.
And it is equally wonderful to be able to call that same person and tell them of some milestone that your child reached that a regular parent would think insignificant.
Sources
As an aside, everytime I watch movies like these, I bawl like a baby.
So, if you are looking for others in your area in or close proximity with a child who has Autism, you can contact your local chapter of Autism Speaks and they can hook you up with someone.
Their website is www.autismspeaks.org
www.cafemom.com has a large section of mothers with Autistic children.
There are many of them and these are the only two that I can think of off the top of my head, actually, I make a lot of contacts with other parents of children with Autism by going to seminars, by word of mouth (a friend of a friend of a friend knows someone), I actually make a lot of acquaintances through the lady who runs the coffee shop up by the highway, so you never know who you are going to meet.
All I can say is, if you are a parent of children with Autism. You are not alone.
Nor do you ever have to be. There are thousands of us out there, more than happy and willing to lend a hand or a shoulder. Reach out.
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Comments
That's great Jeff. I am pleased that you do have such a positive attitude and that your hopes and dreams for your child remain the same.
I have 3 children who were profoundly Autistic. I know myself how isolating and desolating the receiving of the diagnosis of Autism was as I hoped that it was something else that had a definite cure.
I have spoken to many parents with children with Autism over the past 8 yrs and a lot of them do not share your positive outlook. I am pleased that things are going so well with your child. I did not mean for this hub to be depressing, but, I know that unless you do have a strong support group that it can be socially isolating.
I just want other parents who are not so lucky to know that they are not alone and that all they have to do is reach out and they will find that the family group of parents with Autistic children will take their hand and help and support in any way that they can.
I wish you all the best with your child and I will look forward to watching their movies.
Donna
Ah yes, the diagnosis. When your child is not quite like the others, you search for a reason, an explanation, a diagnosis. When you hear it, the proverbial double sword comes slashing at you: relief and grief.
I enjoyed this hub, Donna. You expressed your feelings, and sought to help others.
Jeff, just curious. Do you belong to or participate in any support groups?
Thanks Shelly, I am glad you understood my intentions.
Donna
Donna..... my heart goes out to you being a parent of a child with a different affiliction. It can be so devistating when we realize our kids won't have the future we thought. Thanks for sharing to let others know they're not alone.
Thanks Lacy.
I am the mother of an eighteen year old autistic son. The Hopes and Dreams of parents can be adjusted as your child develops. Instead of viewing the great big picture of your childs entire life and feeling like that dream is dashed to pieces; dream on a smaller scale, such as making short term goals for your child's development. I started teaching language to my son by singing to him and exposing him to nursery songs. Music touched his soul and brought him into my world. As my son developed, I begin to gently turn his head towards me until he looked at my face as I spoke to him. This techniqued helped him develop language skills. He's eighteen now, can read anything, beat any Wii game, he loves to sing and perform in drama, he has developing math skills, never misspells a word, is high functioning on the computer, and plays sports with Special Olympics. Again, for parents of younger autistic children, rethink and adjust your dreams for your childs sake. Dreams should always be open for discussion! You can find me on the hubpages under Autism support. I will be writing about techniques which helped my son develop. I encourage you to be strong and dream for your child.
I know you may seem despairing facing autism with three children, you are the only one who can make decisions to bring others into your world to help and support you. I am a divorced mother of four. Fifteen years ago, there was little support and I was too busy raising my family to participate. I have become my child's advocate. I read and learned everything about autism which was available back then. I was told by an individual from the pre-school system, one appointed to come to my home and help my child's language skills, that he had no future. I fired her, and was appointed a new pre-school teacher. The new teacher's attitude was day and night different from the first. The new teacher layed down a solid foundation for my son's development. I never settled from that time on with poor attitudes by those who lack knowledge about autism. If a teacher couldn't adjust to his IEP plan then I stepped around her/him. Your attitude about their future will pour out to your children for a lifetime, learning challenged or not. I wish you great support!
Thanks for your frank insight. While I was not devastated at my daughter's dx, I was relieved. We'd been going from one dx to another for several years. While she is high functioning, I still have no illusions about her life ahead. Sort of hard to, right now, build dreams. I much prefer letting her build her own reality, then rejoice in each step.
Jeff C says:
2 years ago
I want to commend you for trying to let parents with Autistic children know that they are not alone and there are places to turn to. However, I felt that your hub overall was rather negative and frankly depressing. As a parent of an Autistic child I have to say that there was no void opened when we found out our son had Autisim. I did not have my hopes and dreams for him slashed. In fact it was quite the opposit. I was relieved to know why he was acting the way he was and there was a solid medical reason for it. Having a diagnoses helped for us to know how to deal with certian situations. I still have hopes and dreams for him. The same hopes and dreams he has for himself, to on day be a great movie producer.
~Jeff C