On our local news the other night, they gave the national and local statistics on depression and suicides. It was disturbing to hear how high the numbers were. The numbers, I assume are based on people receiving help or those who have already committed or attempted suicide. What about the ones who are in denial or sitting of the edge?

It bothered me because I have been at both ends of the spectrum. As a child, I was very depressed and it was comfortable to be there. So what changed and how did I work myself out of this dark place? First, you need to know what caused the depression, if you want to come out of it. For me, it happened at the age of four. My mother died and our father walked out on us. This experience plunged me into deep waters for survival.

Luckily, I was too young to understand how to end my life. My mother had taught me to pray before she left. Each night, I prayed for God to end my life. While other children were praying for a bike or something new. I wanted to stop breathing. The pain was too much for me and I went deeper into depression every time I woke up.

So what happened? How did I get from such a dark beginning to a bright and wonderful life leaving all scars behind me? I did it without medication so I know exactly what steps I took. For the record, there isn't a magic bullet. You can take steps to prevent yourself from getting in this state and keeping yourself out. Once, you get help.

I want to share what I did in hopes you find something helpful. The turning point in my life came unexpected and it showed me how scarred I was. I was an adult and my negative thought patterns were deeply entranced in my mind. In my book, How to Rebuild Shattered Dreams, I go into detail how I got into this depression and how I came out. So here, I’m going to only give a highlight. If you want more information, there is always the book.

If you had asked me about depression years ago, I would’ve answered that I had never felt it. I wasn’t lying. What I was saying, I have never felt joy so I did not know the difference. How do you understand light, if you had never see it?

This is what I discovered and I plan on covering it in the next four-blog articles. The plan is to break it down into small bits so you can see something useful to ingrain into your life. We are in denial not because we want too be. We are there because we do not know better or we’re afraid the truth might be unmanageable.

Before you can help yourself, you need to see where you truly are. This can be very frightening. At least, it was for me. Years ago, we had a son from his birth who always seemed angry. He had a big chip on his shoulder.

After weeks of trying different ideas, my husband, Jack came up with an idea of taking our son to a mirror and not letting him leave until he had told himself twenty-five time that he loved Josh. After the first week, our son started to change. For the next few paragraphs, I’m taking excerpt from my book.

In my amazement, Josh started to change. He became happier. One day, Jack invited me in to see Josh repeat his words, I love Josh, twenty-five times. Grinning, Josh passed by as Jack smiled at me. Reaching a hand out to me, he asked, “Can you do it?”

Fear consumed me as I attempted to follow Josh. I said, “Sure, anyone can do that. It’s easy.” Before I could leave the doorway, Jack had a hold of my wrists and yanked me into the room. Leaving me in front of the mirror, he stood in the doorway and said, “You do it.”

As I stared at myself, I became even more afraid. The fear became so strong that I felt like Jack had just shoved me into a cage with a hungry tiger. I felt trapped, fear charging throughout every cell of my body. I looked at Jack with my face as white as a ghost. Not giving him notice, I charged him, expecting him to move.

He didn't and I was so afraid. Not realizing what I was doing, I stepped on his thigh, attempting to climb over him. Jack grabbed a hold and pulled me down. With his arms wrapped around me, he easily brought me back in front of the mirror and repeated his words.

Seeing myself in the mirror, I fought to get away from his grip. Being only ninety-eight pounds, it was easy for Jack to hold me. He repeated his words and I pleaded with him to let me go. When he said no, I felt the invisible arms join him.

Being so familiar with Him, I pleaded with Him to help me get away from Jack. Instantly, I knew He was on Jack’s side as well. Looking at myself, I started to cry from the depths of my soul. By doing it, I saw in my mind all of the layers of shock that I had endured at the hands of others. For the first time, my soul felt the love from the invisible arms.

After being in Jack’s and my creator’s arms, I couldn’t get the vision of all the layers of scars out of my mind. What were they made from? How could I see them now for the first time? I had so many questions, not realizing what was being opened up to me. Hope was being breathed into my life, my soul, and my heart for the first time. It was a chance to rid myself of the pain I had endured for so many years. It started to consume me.

You have to see and embrace the fact you are depressed before you can change anything and get help. Next time, I want to talk about how to recognize the thought patterns that take you down the path towards depression. If you understand how to get there, you will know how to bring yourself back. Sign up for an update at the site www.RebuildShatteredDream.com for your next installment.