Pest's Photo Album and Petition For Hottest Hubber of All Time
65
Ladies Should Should Be Seated For This
It has become obvious that I probably will never make it to the 100 score summit nor will I ever make it to the top ten hubs of the week, especially after I finish and publish this monstrsity! I have been forced to now post my pictures as a sure fire method of becomeing the hottest AND sexiest male Hubber of all time and put to rest any future Hubs on said topic. You, the public, have forced me to do it. Sorry men, but you don't stand a chance from here on out, so I will wish you good luck on and congradulations on reaching second place in any other insane attempt to unseat my crown. Please, ladies, keep the fan mail short and to the point. Sorry, no marriage proposals will be accepted at this time although in the near future I will need to pass my golden seed on to create the next generation of perfection.
I am also including some art filled pictures with captions and explanations for all to ponder in wonderment. Now you shall all see that my talents transcend humor and poetry into personal beauty, art and style!
The Beauty That Is Pest
Here I am on the porch of my trailer. No I am not digging at ear mites, I do that during my weekly shower. I am trying on my new skull and crossbones chain earring. I chose it over the rebel flag as I am from the far north.
Here I am in the bathroom of my trailer. I painted the walls the aqua color myself, proof of my artistic style. I found the kitten at the out at the outhouse crying, so I brought him in and kept him. I figured that momma would need a companion as I was ready to move out on my own...that was six years ago. I think forty-two will be a decent age to move out, first I have to get an agent to handle my modeling career. I do not want to end up like momma, modeling from the street.
In this photo I am relaxing in front of the fan. It gets hot inside our trailer, but not as hot as me, but by now you realize this fact. I will try not to point out my hotness to you from here until this Hub unfortunately will have to end.
This here is my rugged look. I may look mean, but really that is just the bad ass in me showing through. Don't worry ladies I am a teddy bear at heart. Momma calls me a pussy, so as you can see by her comparison to a kitty cat, you have no fears. Momma knows best, right?
I am just coming out of the outhouse here. Momma scared me with that camera! I wondered who's eyeball was staring at me through the knot hole in the door, it was just momma playing games again!
This is the only full body shot I am going to post. I am afraid my image will be pirated and sold for millions without my permission. I wonder if other beautiful people have this problem ? I have a great ass, but I keep it covered to fend off unwanted attention from the ladies. Momma's friends are always groping me at home. Can you imagine if I went out into public with such a wonderful ass?
Art and other Works by Pest
Now that I have won you all over with my sculpted features and eternal handsomeness, I have a few more pictures to show. Consider this a cool down period to end the Hub. I was going to save the images of me for the last, but I didn't wat the reader to end leaving my Hub all hot and bothered. Guys if you are hot and bothered by now, that is understandable, but please no e-mails trying to turn me to your queer ways. Sorry but I like only womans. Here I have pictures of a flower, a kid, my truck, and the trailer.
This here is a tulip and the extent of my art. It is a pinkish one with white. I know what you are thinking, "This needs to be framed and put in the county 4-H fair". I won't do that because once again I like womans and I don't want the public to get the wrong impression of me. I like flowers, so what! Don't make me pull my "rugged" look on you!
I caught this kid in my melon patch. Not much else to say about this picture other than I wanted proof of his thievery for his parents. The police don't come to my part of the woods unless it is to haul off a body, so the boy's mom and dad are the only ones to report to.
The same boy when I kicked him in the balls for stealing my melons. Again the picture says it all! I get all of my dope from the kid so I took it easy on him. Momma says the kid goes by the name of "John"...or at least that is what she calls him.
Finally, in this photo you see my truck and the trailer. The truck has been on blocks since 2001. The garden tractor was still impounded other wise I would have it in the photo as well. Notice the green paint job on the house? That was all me. Artsy, huh? The side porch you see doubles as fish shack that I drag out on the ice in the winter.
Caput
I bet you didn't know that I knew French did you. Caput means "The End". Momma taught me that one. As in, "I have had it with you! This is the END! Pardon my 'French', but your ass is fucking 'caput' !!!" Momma has always been the brains of the family. Now then, there should be no question as to who should top the hottest of hotties! I think I have put that debate soundly to rest and no more second guessing my superior artistic talents either! ... CAPUT.
_____________© 2009 Richard L. Thorp Jr._________________
More of Pest's Work
- Dating Tips From Lot # 47
Don't miss these must have tips on finding that perfect date. If you miss this one you probably are probably lonely and dateless tonight. - Cheap Twelve Step Holiday Side Dish
Recipes from Pest's kitchen. Is there anything he won't print? - Musings From Lot #47, Edition 1
Join Pest, and his momma at lot # 47. See how this epic tale began. You'll laugh, you'll cry...well you won't cry, but laugh, you will! - Blood On The Banks Of Sebewa Creek.
A true childhood story from Pest.
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Comments
You are adorable and you have kind eyes:), I posted the real me too and some of my buddies liked the other Avatar :(. Oh well it is always nice to reveal and I thank you are charming and I still love your Avatar too. :)
laughing still...great ass!!! what I could see of it anyway - even got my spectacles out!! You Win...
OH mercy, show me that rugged look again! I'm a sucker for rugged. :) Pest, I must admit the pictures were good, and aqua becomes you, but your commentary was ruthlessly funny! I'm still lmao!
Looks to me like that kid deserved a good kick for stealing your melons. Darned rascals.
Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself here! When do the nude photos come out?
Pest, what can I say but caput. I'ts finished and you will be hounded by all these hotties on hubpages forever. I concede, though I wasn't in the running. I'm glad you didn't post your fine ass. Great hub.
its a shame you had to take matters into your own hands.....but at least it's out there now. hm what do i do to get out there???
Hey thanks Tom! I appreciate it!
Ae,,,,rrrrrrrrrow! Thanks...No matter how gorgeous I am i still like my avatar the best, so it stays.
Pam, you will be the first to get the nudes for review. Cris will no doubt be asking as well, but don't worry you are at the top of my list. besides "I like womans".
ajcor...See what i mean, i have to keep it covered so i don't get molested out there! That is why you had a time seeing it!
C.C. I am glad that I will be able to take some of the women off from your shoulders. I know you had quite a following and I salute such an adversary as yourself.
TheRealTruth...Yup, it had to be done. What do you do to get out there...Plastic Surgery. Look like me and you are in! The coined term "You look like a million bucks" will go the way of "you look like a 'Pest'."
What can I say? I am ashamed of my lust, but who can blame me?
You've got my vote Pest! I'm 100 percent behind you...so i can gawk at that fine ass. :) Try flipping that jacket up once in a while so i can get a better peek.
Now that you're a sex object and all, you'll never get any rest.
Pest, you certainly opened a big can of worms on this one!!! You have my vote!!! But, beware, now all the other hubbers are going to be fighting tooth and nail to take the title away from you!!
Pest, I am in shock.You never told me you had real pics, these are really good. You have changed a lot since these were taken.You have grown a lot of hair and even a tail haha.I love that pic though,the new furry one, it brings feelings of adoration, not to mention it just cracks me up.In fact a lot of what you say cracks me up too, you are so full of wit.
***see toad crying in shame***
Pest
yours is the face of all my fears. if there ever was a face that could launch a thousand ships, yours could definitely sink them. now i can definitely go caffeine-free for the rest of the day for i have never woken up to a more jolting experience such as seeing your images. some rude awakening i should say.
one more thing, the camera definitely loves you. it has captured your look from rugged to rugged and back again.
btw, this hub must send some hubber we know to the gym *wink*
Teresa, C.A. and Anna, Thanks for the votes and getting "behind" me. Lust on as you will!
Blondepoet, The pictures are great aren't they...I think you spelled something wrong when you saie"...you are so full of wit"...that is spelled shit, not with a "w".
Toad, I see that I am not the only emotional male Hubber. Don't feel shame, just because I thought of writing a Hub about my great looks before you did. It is okay you can write another Hub pertaining to my supoerb attributes.
Cris, I know, right? My rugged look is fierce and I never saw it your way. Sink ships, start fights, begin wars, that look can certainly do it, thanks I am adding that to my resume!
What to say? Glad to be your Fan! 10 thumbs up, great sense of humor, you improved Quantum theory on my Hub, your look is OK, I vote for you!!!
Tatjana
Which rugged look do you like? the most rugged, the less rugged or the regular rugged look?
Pest- where's the sexy pic of you feeding the farm animal with the shirt off?
I'm still traumatized by that.
Tatjana, i think in you language ok translates to gorgeous, so thanks!
Cris, Cris, Cris...You obviously haven't an eye for the beautiful people of this world.
toad, i was going to post that image but it isn't really me, i would have to get permission from Uncle Mike.
Your uncle is better looking
Well I can vote and give my opinion ...can't I???
I like them all but the one where you are trying on your earring..humm...ummm seems.... well what can I say????...and I laughed the whole time too cause I can't get my score to stay in one place either..ever.. and I have been here 2 years...this ought to help yours...
Nice art work too??? and fine appreciation for flowers...and so gentle with the pussy too....Momma taught you well...G-Ma :O) Hugs & Piece
Toad, the horse's ass from that image is better looking and smells better too!
G-Ma, now I am blushing!
Cris, thanks for the dedication. I have never had a guy play music for me...You do know that I like womans, right?
I do know but I can't find Cher's version. sorry.
What you goin do with all that fiiiiiiine ;) great hub, Pest :) got my vote!
Lol! Cris you are a funny guy! You know what i meant! :D
Dame, i am looking for an agent at this time. My probation officer is hinder my aspirations and dreams though.
Ohhh, womans like bad boys! Please be sure to post when you're featured in Playgirl, don't wanna miss it! Your momma'll be so proud!
Didn't know you had such a nice trailer. Is that a double wide?
Great pics! You would've made in into Blondepoet's hub if she'd seen these.
Don't be surprised if you hit 100, Pest. Just give it a bit of time to kick in.
Pest
you don't have a monopoly of dem acting chops y'know. i can act confused too and do improv...ilike i'm a tree now so dont mind me
SA, Thanks again. I will save those Playgirl issues for all of my fans (I think Cris will want several) so I will have plenty on hand. Momma may be proud, but I fear that she will be my bigest fan. :(
Cris, you got into eric's stash and didn't share???
Pest
Maybe you did for you are talking to a tree...
To All Female Hubbers: Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have decided to remove myself as a contender for the Hottest Male Hubber. It's...it's a personal matter that requires my immediate attention, probably in a foreign country, frightened, alone, and lamenting the fact that I was once at the "top of the heap." I will miss you all and always remember you fondly. Think of me sometimes when you're in the arms of...someone else.
I don't know if I'll be back. I bid you adieu.
Christoph, Too funny, you can still contend for second, there is a bit of recognition in that...I guess. :D
Awww, Christoph, don't leave!! I'll bet all you have to do is post pictures of your nice trailer, and the womans will be swooning again. I think Pest is holding out by not exposing his booty, so maybe you wanna take note of that fact for your own campaign.
Of course, then, we'll have to have some kind of Mr. America contest to determine the winner.
Nooooo! Yew moosent gooo! Christooph, ShiShi love yew like ze cheap wine on ze hot soomer day! I coom wis yew! Stop running away from me!
(Chi-Chi can't keep up with Christoph's fast pace, so she turns to exit leaving behind the distinct aroma of Malt Duck, Chiclets, and raw catfish left carelessly on a counter top for 3 days.)
SA, you are upping the ante...a Mr Huberica contest. :D
Christoph, uhhhh you forgot something/or someone...Chicklets...ewwwwwwwww!
"Can you imagine if I went out into public with such a wonderful ass? "
LOL - reminds me of my husband when I try to get him to sing with me at karaoke - he always says he doesn't need anymore attention :-)
What can I say, I like a man with "rugged" self-confidence!
dineane thanks for joining and the comments. "self-confidence"...more like self delusional!
*** toad watching jealously from a distance as Chi Chi runs after Christoph, he thinks to himself, she never gives me the time of day ***
Oh say, a Mr. Huberica contest! That sounds great!
Let's see...the swimsuit competition, the talent portion, whatever they call that part where you both tell everybody that all you want is world peace, and the evening gown competition. Winner gets the tiara, and a tissue to wipe away the tears of joy. Both contestants get a bouquet of virtual roses.
This is gonna be fantastic! Somebody call the media and get this promoted and televised!
chi chi has an interesting and familiar aura about her...wait, no that is the odor, never mind ** sniffs armpits **
SA Maybe we could break into a reality show, you know, MTV or something...Instead of "Puck's" dispicable arrogant ass you will have "Pest".
Of course, reality TV, that's perfect! Who's gonna call and set it up?
SA Not me I am the star of the show...:/ I wish there was a puking emoticon guy here cuz the shit is getting deep!
You got a pair of hip waders in the shed?
*She re-enters the room by the faint sound of armpit sniffing*
AH monsewer Pest, i see yew know my mating call! What a roogad mans yew air!
*She's suddenly distracted by the most manly goldentoad she's ever seen*
Mon cheri goolden tood, Christooph is boot a toy. No? Come leetle one, we weel make ze moosic togezair!
*She feels an overwhelming urge to heave her massive bosom, but she left the air pump at her stinky flat...plus, goldentoad appears to be hiding behind Pest's hub couch.*
Farewell mon sweets! I bring ze booze und streeper pole next time!
OMG! I literally laughed out loud through most of this!
Pest- Your so funny. I don't think I have ever laughed at my computer this much! My kids must think I'm nuts!
The only thing this hub is missing is THE POLL to vote you as the hottest!!!
}i{
SA I broke out the chest waders a long time ago. Nothing but chest waders!
Chi Chi I think my momma is calling...from the uhhh street so I will hav ** backs out the door ** to be going now. ** runs away like Napoleon Dynamite **
MamaD there is obviously no need for a poll! I am glad i was able to give you a good laugh. That is my goal every day!
***Goldentoad knowing he missed the opportunity, he’s always waited for, begins to well up, ashamed, but he doesn’t want to show Pest what he is crying about. He fakes sneezes from behind the couch, damn Pest I’m allergic to that cat of yours, ha-choo. He runs out of the trailer sniffling, thinking he better go steal a poem from Cris A, to show Chi Chi what he feels. As he get outside, a gentle breeze has the scent of old tuna, he feels his heart breaking in two.***
Toad...you smell a bit fishy yourself. And that wouldn't be cat dander anyway. Momma lays on that couch after a day on the street scratching herslf "down there" then reaching over the couch to discard the flakes and scabs where you were hiding.
OMG! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww. Get momma some disinfectant!
It is worse when she is done srcratching she chews her nails...usually i am to stoned to move off out of my chair so I am forced to sit and watch in a baked coma with my eyes stuck open!
*shudder* You poor thing!
Toad, you might wanna take a Lysol bath.
I'm going to wash myself with ajax and a brillo pad
SA I am witness to things that no man should ever see, worse still no son should see!
You may want to delouse as well. Just a thought there, pal. :D
the germinator....Call him quick...
So, Pest....any thought of getting a trailer of you own? Have you reached that special age where you want to go off into the world?
After being behind my couch Toad should bathe in rubbing alcohol get out and while still wet light a match. Sure, no hair, but no bugs or whatever momma has drug in. i flame the house regularly.
SA i am waiting for the economy to turn around. I have applied for two billion in bail out money as my writing investment is failing. Once that goes through and my Probation officer releases me the sky is the limit. But I will probably move next door.
Good idea, can't hurt much worse than Ajax and a brillo pad.
""self-confidence"...more like self delusional!"
LOL - you said it, not me! and I won't tell my husband :-)
SA, just a quick rush...I make sure to cover my tweeter in some sort of jelly before lighting the match, usually grape jelly. Don't want to singe the little guy off along with all of my hair!
dineane- i have a lot of self confidence but I exibit self depricating behavior. i am a mess! :D
Well, Pest, don't worry. Once the government gives you that bail-out money, you'll be able afford a proper fumigation and delousing. After that, you can use the grape jelly for your sandwiches instead of your tweeter. :)
Who knows, you might even move a couple of trailers away from momma.
Wow a couple of trailers away!!! Maybe I can even get two trailers and put them together as one!!! Now I am dreaming!
Wht do you mean "instead"?...warm jelly spreads easier and is yummy! :D
Hmmm, sounds sticky.
Hey, keep dreaming big and one day, if you believe and work hard, you'll have that double trailer!
Speaking of dreaming, I'm going to bed. Nighty-night!
MM! Such naughty double entendre!
I just love "rugged" look men who like womans and take pictures of art. Hawt!
Mighty Mom i have had trouble keeping my pussy to home. She gets a chance to get out and I dont see her for days. When she comes home she is crusty looking and smells! Where do you think my little pussy wanders off to for those days?
Lita thanks for the comments. Sounds like I would be your man then. I am a one woman man. Three or four womans at one time gits confusing or so I am told. Goldentoad is my advisor.
Pest
where you at? not the outhouse again?!
I am here...Yawn!!!! Looking at my facebook stuff. You have FB?
Pest
Depends on who's asking! LOL Nah I dont. Btw, I have checked out chi-chi and "she" indeed smells familiar. What are your thoughts on "her" anyway?
if you kiss "her" "she" turns into a toad or you.
I have only four hubbers on my fb, I was hoping for more to help promote not only my stuff but to get others to join from my fb list.
ooooooooooooh....niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccccccccccccccceee!!!!!
How come I'm not a fan yet? Terrible oversight!
GT - you'll soon be a green toad at this rate!
Christoph - we're still in that fan following - just - er - a l'il distraction :D
Twas not boring? can you just delete my previous comment as i didn't read his hub just posted some comment - fan duty. hope it did sound legit.
Okay, i'll get to it then when i find the time. promise.
I would like to say yes but it might mean robbing Momma off her hardearned cash. So no, we'll call it charity work.
That is what I did. Had to show my support! Then i read it. Now I have a new author to research.
why not? and then we'll write like toady! Ha! bet he can't write like us because we have no influences! great thinking Pest!
Pest You are the ultimate trailer park tr... er writer. I see you have the Looks for radio and that special something that only a momma can love. CR must be chewing bricks seeing that you have attracted the elusive Chi out of hiding. Shades cannot be far behind. Thank you for warning me that the hottest hubber contest excludes the over sixty's as Ag and I would not have wanted to intrude on your territory.
@ Toady I feel your pain but that will only make you a better writer as long as you don't do a Hemingway on us. That is all "bull" anyway.
Hilarious hub Pest.
***toad drinking beer, still trying to think of a poem to write Chi Chi, tries to ignore his "friends" laughing and having a good time in the background, he is more frustrated by the lack of words, the lack of poetic vision, so he crumbles up his paper and decides to join his friends in hubpages destruction. He looks back though one more time, picks up the ball of paper and straightens it out, saving it for later.***
drama queen! *snort*
so uh, Pest actually went to sleep, he seemed wired enough to go all night!
well i s'pose so. anyway, i'm cashing in myself. will start on my 50th later. :D
quit threatin'n me!
LOL i would if i hadn't made a deal with the devil. i promise high drama so watch out for it. gnight :D
I need the golden seed! I need the golden seed!
Lol I'm sticking with 'wit' ha. Seriously a great hub well done Pest. Damn I try to sound serious around certain hubbers and I just cant do it.
so who has the really golden seed?
Wow Pest! You can't beat rugged in my book!
yuor funny dude.
sorry your heart broke about getting the hubnugget, but to hubpages, you're a veteran, its only to newbies. I'm ready for a beer already and its only the beginning of my shift.
With all due respect Pest, I must confess Christoph is my number one hottie! He was my first, and will be my last. I'm a one-man woman.
I will say, however, you are one good looking man! My favorite photo is the one of you in the t-shirt.
PS: I live in a trailer and have a truck just like yours, only mine isn't up on blocks :)
Toad you have mail! Newbies, huh? Well then it's no sweat off from my "hubnuggets" ** "...there was great wailing and gnashingof teeth..." then the crowb fell silent, this was the day that the humor died. **
Trish you poor dear, i can't win them all I guess. I knew there would be some wack jobs out there! :D Thanks for the comments, negative as they are i will still post them! LOL
But maybe next time, they'll make an exception, and I think they are a week behind, but if they pick a hub, it has to have some information on it, like your dating tips, hint, hint.
I am content with what I am doing so far. I am still learning how to turn on my computer without assistance.
never turn it off
True. The other day I was told to do a cold boot. I sat at my computer with ice in my boots for an hour...all I got was a fever and flu. Is this what is meant by [i]virus[/i]? ( you check your mail?)
Pest, the HubNuggets thing - I feel so bad for ya! I think maybe somebody (me?) should write a hub about it. Check out the HubNuggets hub, the criteria is up in the written part - or at least what we look for. Feel free to send any of us on the HN team an email if you have any questions about it.
Meantime, keep those sexy pics comin'!
just checking if somebody vandalized or stole some pics
I am surprised to see that my Hub is still here at all!
well it takes more than a hubber to flag successfully. and it's no me for i love these pictures, so artistic like those cave paintings
The cave painting must be wonderful! Regular Rembrandts they were!
Hey Pest
Where the ef are you? the outhouse again? go see a doctor when you're done. II'll be back in a bit, have to do lunch - IN THE GARDEN. Now don't you go looking for me like your Momma looking for your pussy (btw, didn't know you have one, seriously) Adios.
well lookit the score of this thing! sleep beckons. i'll catch up with you later, okay? now be good! y'hear? :D
Nighty night Cris. :D
I like your bedroom eyes pest, and I'm a sucker for skull and cross bones. So is the golden seed going to the highest bidder or what?
First come first served. i will be happy to give the stuff away! Make sure you wear one of those thongs!
LOVE IT !!!!!
Thanks Sarah, hopefully there are plenty more like this to come! I am working on another masterpiece right now.
I know why the tractor was impounded. Here's the video for any of you who missed it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtSiAhBlD8Y
And Pest--I thought you and momma got along better than this...But the green trailer looks nice.
So this is what you meant.. ROFL! Hmmm..where is the strawberry beard you told me about? LOL :-)
PM..."I know my rights! I know my right!" "You're fixin to get tazed" LOl! His lawnmower is a lot nicer than mine. Actually that mower is nicer than my truck!
Ripple, the only thing strawberry about this beard is the jam that has been there since this fall.
Hey Pest! How many new fans have you garnered with this shit hub? looks like ya even got your own cult following.
C.C. Shit? This is great stuff! You, sir, obviously lack an eye for true literary tallent! Lol! :D
sheena loves you now, Pest! :)
Sheena, thanks! Wait until I the nude version comes out then we shall see! Where is avatar? :(
Just put that pony picture back up, that'll do it. LOL
great hub...thanx for sharing it...i have enjoyed reading it.
Britney, Thanks for reading...if you in fact redad this Hub. Most women could not get past the handsome pictures.
C.C. I was going to put that picture up b ut I didn't think the readers would appreciate THAT MUCH art.
I'm in love. Marry me.
Send me a proposal listing your assets yearly income.
Don't you also require a dowry Pest? I think that's pretty danged important. I wouldn't except any measly cows and chickens either. ;)
Is that like an ass load of money? If so then yes to your question. :D Cows are ok, as long as they are sacrificial cows. I must feed my cult following.
PM gets special privileges for the insults I hurled her way. :D
Aren't you sweet, Pest? But I didn't take it as an insult. Was it meant that way?!? :-)))))
No silly...you were suppose to ask what priviledges you get...then I say something off color. I am simple that way!
Oh, see--I'm even simpler or I would have gotten it!!!!
Trust me, there will be more off-color opportunities. It's usually several days before I understand I've been had, if I figure it out at all.....
You poor thing, I love you to pieces! You are so funny!
My, my, my........that's pretty much all I can say.........
I do tend to leave many out there speachless... :rolleyes:
LOL....I bet you do! Must be tough, fighting 'em off too.
Oh yeah, I have womans callers all times of day and night...Promise, i am not lying!
Hell if i had one woman come calling she would have to fight me off from her, get a restraining order and seek counseling for the trauma I caused...all within ten minutes of meeting me!
10 minutes you say? and i thought you work fast :D
pest, It doesn't help when you say, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee". :-)))))
I have to be up early for work in the a.m. I'm off to get some sleep.
Night PM...the weeeeeeeeee thing is gay isnt it?
Cris, By the time I fumble nervously with a bra that ten minutes is almost up and I havent even gotten to HER bra yet!
you fumble? I must say your hands are definitely overworked :D
I should've left before you posted this. I may never get to sleep now!
No, not gay, but I had to do a re-take because I originally thought you said you WENT weeeeeeeeeeee, and that's just a whole 'nother therapy session.
This time I mean it--GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!
Sleep well PM!
Cris just the one hand...I am not ambidextrose
oh right, besides you won'd be needing two hands anyway for such a hmm small matter :D
ure hope PM went to bed! It's getting d-e-e-p in here and I'm not explaining another Velvet Elvis...
Pest, thank you so much for putting the "cool down" pics at the end. That was sooo thoughtful, and you're artistic to boot. Be still my heart! Pay no attention to the other guys - they know they'll never be more than second rate after this (and you didn't even have to show us your fantastic ass to prove it!). Sorry 'bout the tractor, but at least they let ya keep the fishing shack.
JamaGenee, you are welcome. I knew i had to do something to cool the ladies down. I thought of just explaining my chiseled features and posting no pictures, but I wanted the guys to see their competition! :rolleyes:
I see the competition is getting fierce in here with women wanting your rugged attention, so I came back to give you some insight to the Hubberpants fortune that could be YOURS.
A collection of 45 records including The Osmonds' hit "Puppy Love, a 12 x12 piece of organge shag carpet that's only been puked on a few times, two trash cans full of smashed beer cans that can be recycled for cold hard cash, a lucky penny that was run over by a train carrying live circus animals, my cousins tonsils that we saved in a jar after the guy at the radiator shop took em out, and I'll have to check with my granny about more stuff. But I think that's already a lot to offer.
Speaking of granny, she took a peek at your pictures and she told me to tell you she says, "Hubba hubba bubba!" :)
Are you sure you aren't a neighbor or something? Maybe you live on the other side of the trailer park. I live on what is commonly called "the wrong side of the tracks".
Pest, I think you have the winner!!!!
We used to live on the other side of something, it might have been a trailer park, then again, it might of been a caravan of gypsies or one of those nuclear waste sites...anyway, now we've pulled our camper onto the railroad tracks and took out some insurance on it. No luck yet. ;)
PM She does sound hot. I think the tonsils is what got me. I can put it next to the foreskin from my circumcision. I think momma took half of my peter off when she cut me. We didn't have no fancy jar so it is nailed to the wall above the tv.
C.A. just be sure to have your meth lab removed before the train hits. Insurance probably wont cover that one.
pest, we're going to need to talk about TMI. C.A. may need to sit in on this one, too. But then, I know her cat tends to keep her in line.
You guys are too funny! You always make me smile. :-))
TMI ??? what or who is that...Around here that is the "Tenner Mental Institute" and I aint going back!
;-))
Ok seriously what is TMI? I am a hick remember i can only speak in werds.
Good thinking! A hubba hubba man who's also got brains! I'll go take that meth lab out right now! I guess the still needs to go too. Sheesh, this is harder than I thought it was gonna be.
Hey, I saw you sneaking around in the religion forum. There's only one thing I can say...
RUN! RUN for your gah dang life Pest! You're flirtin' wit da debil! DA DEBIL I say!
Hey PM! I'll sit in on anything. :D If you're there, it's sure to be fun. :)
Ya i like to put my two cents worth in in those religion threads, especially if they set too long. i bump them to keep the shit flowing over there.
You will sit on anything as long as PM is there. Are you two in cahoots together? I are scared now! :)
LOL...i missed the whole circumcision thing! ROFL!
TMI means too much information...I think. ;)
I see. Well i wish it were a lot more "information" The poor little guy. I have to use four mirrors just to see him anymore.
I'm impressed. There's nothing in the world like crap flowing the way it should. Good job!
Cahooties? PM and me? Hmmm, perhaps. ;) It even scares me. :D
Now I've got to finish cleaning my camper out! Plus, I don't want to keep you from your work at the forums. Unclog that mess!
Hi, C.A. I think Pest is fishing, but I'm going to hope for the best and assume he really doesn't know. So here goes...
There are some things a girl should find out after she's married--if at all. Promoting your chiseled features is generally acceptable, so long as said features are above the waist line. A girl doesn't want to know about anything that's been "chiseled" down there and left to hang on the wall. It's bad enough when the ranchers around here hang a bull's unmentionables on their trailer hitches.
Now the bra thing you'll definitely want to keep to yourself. But I'm willing to help you out. This is where you might find some duct tape to come in handy. You can hold yourself in while giving yourself a free hair-removal job--especially on the back. I'm throwing this one in for good measure--don't wear a tank top until you've accomplished the hair-removal mentioned above. This is something Uncle Festus was gracious enough to teach all the men in the family.
Hopefully, Pest, these tips will help you to woo C.A. because I do think you are a match made in heaven!
Now C.A.--even I saw that one coming.
Pest--please refer to the comment above.
I amgoing back to bed...or the couch. Be sure that you aren't in that camper when the train comes. Uncle Mike thought he would collect on his life insurance when tried a similar stunt. He just walks with a limp now and has to pee into a bag.
PM thanks for the tips. I guess I will have to put my tank tops away then. I always thought the ladies liked lookin at my muscles...except when a man boob flops out..the girls always wince with dismay! Too bad they are jealous that my boobs are larger than most of theirs...They always turn their heads in shame and never get the chance to be with a stud like myself.
LMAO PM! Well said, especially the part about chiseled features below the waist! You're good. :) And I meant to say "sit IN on" but I guess my mind was wandering. ;)
Thanks for the advice Pest, I wondered why Granny wanted me to sit in the camper and watch for the train. She told me not to holler until it got about 6 feet away.
See you guys later. :D
All in fun, Pest. And you do know how to have that!!!! :-))
Bye C.A.! I'll check on you later to make sure you didn't move on down the tracks.
I am off to bed...f'd up schedule... and momma is out for the day. Thanks PM and C.A. !
'night. Or mornin'--I'm confused. I probably ought to make lunch now......
PM...That is new knews??? The confused part.
my vote with you
WoW i got the vote from Lgali! My mission at HP is now complete. :D
Ha Ha, Pest. Keep hurling insults and I'll have to ask about the priveledges.....
PM LOL. Idle threats!!! :D One priviledge is that you get to endure my insults. I don't just insult anyone you know! :)
Well if I'm going to take an insult, you're the one I'd want to take it from!!
I'm off to the movies!! Mall Cop is calling.
OMG!! Now you HAVE to marry me. Or maybe I'll forward this to my daughter and she'll boot her current husband out and ask for your hand. Seriously, have you received a lot of offers from womans?
I don't know what all the fuss about "chiselled features" is. After all Michaelangelos David had beautifully chiselled features any place you care to choose!
I have read references with regard to you in other people's hubs and now I know why! You are hilarious! All the comments below the actual hub with your chiseled appearance and artistically painted trailer are equally funny. Thumbs up...what the heck...I'll throw in the entire hand with all the fingers!
Peggy---LOL!!!!
druneric. No womans have come to me with a serious proposal. I am waiting for PM to kick her hubby to the curb! ;)
sistyorso, The only chiselled feature I have is the bullshit I spew in my Hubs. The master of crap, the Hubs I produce are works of art as far as fecal publication is concerned.
Peggy W, thank you so much. Now that I know other people are talking about me I don't have to waste my time reading their Hubs and comments to see for myself.
PM...What can I say. I have a pallet of blankets on the floor next to the couch with your name on it!
Such fine accomodations you offer, Pest!!!!!!!
Nothing but the finest for you PM! You'll be happy to know I dusted the blankets with lye to kill the ticks. The neighbors hound had a litter of puppies on them two weeks ago.
Didn't you hear what happened to me the last time I was around chemicals that were mixed?!?!??
I hope it is a funny story, but clue me in will ya!
It's a story about a large dog, an equally large puddle of pee and bleach. I wrote a hub, "Sometimes I don't have the common sense of a goat", and sadly, it's all true.....
Amonia and bleach??? I will have to go check it out. You so silly!
Now I said nothing about ammonia.....Who told???
Common sense PM...oh yeah sorry. :D
well every one will appriciate what ever art you will release for this amazing world...lol....looking for some nice great artistic pics like this from you....
Thanks for reading! I have a couple of people that seem to like what I put out there. :)
If you decide to become a mystic you could always use your turd eye!
I think I've seen that boy's picture on a milk carton.
What did you do Pest? What did you do?!?!
He stole my melons, nobody touches my melons, nobody. I made it all better though, all is better. My melons are safe.
Pest, it seems you have quite a following, and your name was mentioned for sexiest man alive. I am thinking of putting together contestants for HubPages Sexiest Man Alive contest. Since your name was mentioned, I was wondering if you are willing to participate? Nothing is needed of you, but I would like to ask you a quick question...What do you hope to achieve if you are chosen as HubPages Sexiest Man Alive?
There wouldn't be much of a competition if I entered, but I am game. The contest should be a competition for second place seeing how 1st palce is a lock. After i am crowned and the endorsements begin rolling in, I would like to be sure that no trialer house ever have frozen pipes again, that every vehicle in the park on blocks have rims and tires, that every engine hanging from a tree finds a vehicle to call home, that there would be two lawn tractors in every drive way, pantries over flow with ramen noodles, that every mole on every face be without hair, and finally that the uni-brow become a thing of the past.
You may be right, but it will be fun, just the same!!! Thanks for the quick answer!
You forgot doing away with the mullet, Pest....
Now why would I do a silly thing like that?
Wow Pest, I am so glad that I was sitting down for this one and that my hubby wasn't in the room. I think he would have been jealous of me oogling over you! Of course you have #1 on lock who else could compare?
I know! I am awesome, right? .... This Hub is near 1000 views which for me is a milestone and a first so i am going to self promote this crap until it hits 1000. Deal with it! :D
It's always nice to see the person who's writing. I love this hub!
Yay Pest I am all behind you for the 1000, you do whatever it takes, no matter how long the road, how runny the sweat. We will cheer with you all the way to the bank with you and pop the bubbly when the time is nigh :)
The damn thing is stuck at 977! I jinxt it! :(
Pest--I have to talk to you as soon as you get a chance.
send me an email..
we'll unjinx the damn thing then
That's pretty sexy, but when do we get to see pictures of the Lawn Tractor????
Maybe you ON the lawn tractor?
This made me fall in love with you. You seriously kept me entertained from start to finish. I adore it. ; )
There is your long awaited proposal Pest!
Amy, I will get pictures of the tractor am me when the weather turns warm. I aint getting on the thing with my cuttoffs and tank top in the sub zero weather! It is bad enough when my ass sticks to the cracked plastic seat in the heat of the summer!
MallasViews, Thanks for the comments! Have you joined my cult following yet? :)
Peggy...I know, right? I am going to have to hire someone to manage my women and proposals!
Do I get a tee shirt also? Can I have the flannel you wore in that picture... that smokin hot picture. : )
Yes... I have been a fan for quite some time now... secretly in hiding... stalking behind bushes and stuff. lol. ; )
The flannel's mine MellasViews. Back off!
Good photos, maybe we can have more? Keep posting your excellent pictures.
I think i will update this one later.... :D i have more cool pics. One is of me in a thong... a video of my table dancing (serious) Well stripping and not on a table. I am not sure how much of my ass HubPages will take tho.
Cannot really understand. but your hub is very popular. Good job.
I get that a lot! :)
you weren't dancing on a table... not yet anyway!! :P
I personally think you are the hottest hubber!! but then I'm partial... :-"
Another womans? Tish, you need a face to get into these sweat pants!
Actually, my avatar is obviously hotter than any of these. After all, I've got everybody's hands and fingers all over me. :-)
Pest that pic of you holding the little kitten, shows a side of you we don't often see.That pic could melt any heart...
Sigh where are u
Pest, you have my vote. I really do have to paste your head on the body of Anne Margaret or somebody now, though.
Sorry peoples, I was unable to log on to HP...Seems that i am over qualified.
Bout bloody time. That is like a few nights ago I had far too many to drink and I locked myself out of HP for 5 hours LMAO
I am sorry BP...You get your mail from me yet??? :D
Yes just then I replied LMAO
I dont get any nakeder than that.
From a fellow Minnesotan, hiya! This is very funny:)
It is a bit humorous isn't it?
I quit reading the comments about half way through. My days in the roller derby and as a bouncer at the Mosh Pit, assure me I can take any of those girls in a fair fight. CC has captured my heart, but now having seen you, my affections may be wandering. You get my vote today, but you will have to stay on your toes, to keep me intrested with CC around.
I have framed your picture and put it by my bed (the full body shot of course) Covering your ass was a very clever marketing tequinique, as now I am left wanting more. Your # 1 fan!
Bo
PS If only you had a sense of humor you would be the PERFECT man.
Bo, thanks for the comments. I am flattered! I will certainly work on my sense of humor just for you. I have some killer knock-knock jokes. Maybe I should ad some blonde jokes or midget jokes.
Pest
Do you have by any chane plans to update your hmmm portfolio? :D
Portfolio??? You mean profile?
Pest
Portfolio - a case carrying documents such as maps, PHOTOGRAPHS, or drawings.
This is a photo album is it not? **rollseyes***
A portfolio can encompass many things...Finances, photos, work history, credentials, visas, resumes, and Mafia hits.
LOL mafia hits?! Okay I;m sorry I thought you were your usual self. Wong! Boy, are we sharp today! Where've you been anyway? :D
I have been out of the trailer for a few days...Spring time and warm weather now.
That sounds cool and i must say it's about time you get your bum tanned! LOL I'm happy for you then, keep warm :D
I am working on something that will take the reader even farther back.
Like how far? And far to where?
Pest,
I would be willing to offer lessons, free of charge (to you only) However I will want to be assured you will not use it to get the attention of other women. I am going to have to fight through the crowd already. If you were to learn the art of humor I might loose you to some one else.
What can I say, Pest, I am in love! Do you like sausage?
Cris, i wont say
Bo, Free of charge??? Damn that is awesome. Here I have been giving out sexual favors just for a few jokes!
Cindy. I prefer wieners. I cant brave even the best sausages unless I have been drinking.
Alright then, surprise us! Btw, you're up early or running very late :D
ah, well, how about apple pie? i can bake that
Cris. Up early. I am on more of a summer schedule now. I have to tend to momma's gardens now. Two weeks ago we had snow. Now i am in shorts.
Cindy, MMMMMMMMmmmm Apple pie. With Vannila ice cream? ohhhhh and Whipped topping!
yeah, exactly, might make some tonight! You want a beer with it?
PEST,
You must be having LOTS of sex, you tease. Are you trying to make me jealous? Well it's working!
Cindy,
Where'd you get that thing? Are there more?
Cindy, i will leave the door open. No beer as I prefer Vodka and so will you once you step into my place. You will need several drinks in fact.
Bo, Yeah lots of sex! If you call dancing with myself while watching Britney spears videos sex, well then I am guilty. You are trying to make me jealous, asking about Cindy's sausage!
pest, you really should be mr super 100 top hubber, you have so many comments, it takes me a half an hour to read them all, that must mean something
Nice eyes and a great sense of humour. You definately have my vote! You should be on the cover of GQ...but then again you'd give Brad Pitt and all those other wussies a complex so we'll just keep you here at Hubpages. :-)
Dolores, it does say a lot when the comments are BETTER than the Hub! LOL
sharrie69...Thanks for the compliments. I don't know about Brad Pitt, even i think Brad is hot.
Pest,
I was not prepared to have Brad Pitt as compitition too, geeeze I'l never make it to the top of the list.
Janies got a gun
Bo: There is a lot of competion...GoldenToad gives a great pedicure.
Well I'll just have to take a # and wait my turn in hopes someday I make it to the front on the line. In the mean time I have your picture and can dance to elvis videos.
Can homely old mud-fence broads vote? If so, you get my vote, hands down1 Hunky, handsome, and he-man....how could you lose?
Dang Pest,..I'm allready married,..where were you I was single ???? I just love your sense of humor,..If everyone was like you,.the world would be a kinder place to live !!!! HOOAH
Tom Cornett says:
9 months ago
Hands down, you win! Oh, I found some pecker bar balls.