Once upon a time in land far, far away an Italian peasant’s wife named Pizzello was making bread. She was rushed and not much of a baker when an accident occurred that would change the world. She brought the dough out and started punching it down the dough. Her mind wandered a bit, thinking how husband Guido had been making eyes at the lush young neighbor girl Frizella and got a bit overenthusiastic with her punching and knocked over the pot holding spaghetti sauce she was cooking. Some of it slopped on to the thoroughly pummeled dough. “Ah, it’s ruined” she exclaimed, then her anger rose again and she decided it was all her weasel of a husband deserved and tossed the lot in the oven to bake as is – and so pizza , named after Pizzello was born.    

The craze swept the globe and now it’s tough to twirl a crust without hitting a pizza joint. Some of the restaurants are better than others, but there’s nothing like making it at home. It is dead easy to make the pie, so easy even an Italian peasant can do it. Even better, you control what goes on and in the pie, unlike some of the “gourmet” pizza places that figure fish heads and chicken lips make great toppings.

The toughest part, and that ain’t saying much, is making the crust. It’s a simple yeast bread recipe, a 3:1 ratio of flour to water.  The crust recipe I use makes two, so there’s one ready to go for the next time, making it even easier. The recipe is below, but I hope that at this stage in your life you are able to put flour, water, yeast, oil and salt together and come up with something resembling a pizza crust. If not, mom let you down, consider suing. 

The toppings are even easier and are up to you, though I like to brush on some tomato sauce, sprinkle on dried crushed red peppers, Italian seasoning, and cover that with commercial shredded cheese, a six Italian cheese mix to be precise. This acts as glue and the small amount of sauce also helps keep the toppings from sliding off into your lap when picking up a slice, though the family dog will be pretty happy to help with the ensuing mess.

This first layer is followed by slices of pepperoni, dry Italian salami, some canned sliced mushrooms, and some sliced black olives. If you think any of the above is disgusting, you have two options, don’t put it on, or pick off the stuff you don’t like.  Best bet is to add what the family will eat, even if it is pork rinds and cheetoes. I thought I had experienced all the disgusting toppings available until visiting Germany where I discovered corn on my pizza, which is almost more nauseating than pineapple – a topping admired by the same little girls who can’t drink a beer without a slice of fruit in the bottle.

Once you have your fish heads on, cover the lot with mozzarella. I like the mozzarella/provolone mix, drizzle on some olive oil, and sprinkle a little dried oregano over the cheese. Place in a 425 degree oven and check after about 10 minutes.

The crust:

3 cups flour

1 cup hot water

2Tsp  Day active yeast

2Tsp salt

2Tbs Olive oil

Even here you can be a bit creative. I use one cup of wheat flour along with a couple of tablespoons of wheat germ to fool myself into believing this is going to be healthy for me. Kind of ridiculous as pizza is supposed to be fun, not good for you. Anyway, put the warm water in a large mixing bowl, add the yeast and stir it in, allowing it to sit for a few minutes so the yeast can “bloom.” The water should look like runoff from a mining operation, kind of light beige when the yeast has come to life. Dump in one cup of the flour, the salt, and the oil and mix with a spoon until everything is incorporated. Add the next cup of flour. Stir that cup of flour in, scraping the bowl down. You’ll be surprised how large your triceps will get if you do this very often. Now for the final cup of flour.  Add it a bit at a time, switching to hand power to mix it in – preferably clean hands.  The trick is to use one hand to mix so you have a clean one to pet the dog. I have a couple huskies that love to help me make pizza, though they don’t get really interested until the pepperoni comes out. You don’t need huskies in the kitchen while you cook, but they seem to help the process and are happy to test any meat for freshness.

Keep adding flour until the dough is no longer sticky. Sprinkle some flour on a table our counter (remembering to remove any tablecloths first). Sprinkle a little on top of the dough and knead for about two or three minutes. You are adding air to the dough so the little yeasties can breathe and make the CO2 needed to make the dough rise.

Place the now well kneaded dough into a clean oiled bowl and place in a warm spot. A good trick is to turn the oven light on and put in the oven to rise. Allow the yeast to live large for around 45 minutes.  The dough should have puffed up, now the fun part, punch it down. Think how frustrated the yeast will feel!! Cut the dough in half, put one half in a plastic freezer bag and off to the freezer it goes for next time. Form the other half into a ball, then flatten. Though as tempting as it is to redecorate the kitchen walls by twirling the dough above my head, I prefer to roll it out on a floured counter. Try to approximate a circle, if it doesn’t work out tell everyone it is rustic, which is what the gourmet places do. How big?  Depends on the size of the flat baking sheets, pizza pan or pizza stone you want to use. I use a pizza stone when cooking the pizza on the grill, but a flat cookie sheet or commercial pizza pan works well. If using a stone dust it with a bit of corn meal, a pan, a thin coating of spray oil (cooking not motor) and a dusting of cornmeal. The cornmeal adds to the texture of the crust and keeps you from having to resort to a hammer and chisel to get the pie off the pan. The oil will make cleanup much easier later.

As I said I keep the sauce to a minimum and there have been times when having forgotten tomato sauce at the market I haven’t put any on at all. The rest is up to you but I suggest skipping the corn or the little fishies. The drizzle of olive oil and dusting of dried oregano will make your kitchen smell like a pizzeria while the pizza bakes and enhances the overall pizza experience. It is best to set the oven to 425 (that’s Fahrenheit, Celsius would be enough to smelt iron ore) while topping the pizza so it is ready to rock and roll when you are finished decorating your masterpiece. Bake for 10 minutes and check the pie, it may have to go a bit longer. Keep a close eye on it after the 10 minutes unless you like watching fire engines roll down your street. When the top is browned a bit, pull the pie and allow to cool for several minutes, this allows the undercoating of cheese to solidify a bit and prevents burned tongues while trying to ingest molten mozzarella.

I hope you try making pizza, it can be a fun family activity, in fact I have split the crust up and made small personal pizzas so if anchovies are dad’s favorite but make the rest of the family gag, he can have at. My grandson has helped with the pizza and he’s only two, so if you run into problems, call him and he can help you out…