Today seemed like the day to me

To recycle cans and bottles at three

So I went around to move my truck

And the drive-way was empty so that was great luck

But much to my dismay by far

The driver's door was slightly ajar

I looked inside and saw a scene

All my stuff was dumped out on my seat and between

The glove compartment door was open

The thieves hadn't taken much I was hopin'

So I called the police before I touched a thing

They answered their phone on the first ring

We are terribly busy she said to me

We can't come out till 6:03

And anyway all they'd do is write about the crime

So drive to a station and save lots of time

But what about evidence and fingerprints I said

Well, it's been all night so they'd be gone

There'd be no fingerprints to gaze upon

That seemed weird to me but I was swift to comply

I cleaned up the mess and tossed the trash with a sigh

I was in a bad funk but nothing was taken

I had gotten off easy if I wasn't mistaken

So I decided to drive to the store to cheer myself up

Go buy some shoes at the mall and stop for a cup

But to my shock I couldn't insert my key

The ignition was ruined to the utmost degree

The connector doohickey that holds the steering wheel on

Was in bad shape and a few pieces were gone

There was no way that truck was going to start again

But at least they didn't have auto theft to add to their sin

So I went to the station to report the misgivings

And how without my truck I was suddenly living

And the first things she said, I swear to god

Was you shouldn't have touched anything if the scene looked odd

So I told her the story about calling the station

And how the first officer dealt with my indignation

She apologized profusely and filled out the report

"We can't do anything to help you in short."

So I went to Toyota and ordered another ignition

Which won't come until Tuesday despite my ambition

Because if I don't move the truck off the street by Wednesday morning

I'll get a $65 ticket from the street sweeper without warning.