Which of these two statements do you think would have a better response from your child?

"Clear your toys quickly so we can have an extra bedtime story tonight" or

"It'll be bedtime soon, so why are your toys still on the floor?"

Communication is the basis for all human interaction. As such, because parents shape the way their kids learn to communicate, making a point to express yourself positively and effectively to your child is probably the most important thing you could do to mould him into a successful person.

While most parents do have some idea of what constitutes good communication, it's often difficult to put these principles into practice. Just think of those days when everything seemed to go wrong at home, of the times when you just couldn't get your child to do what he was supposed to do, or when you were powerless to stop siblings from quarrelling. It is at these times your patience is really tested, and you feel that shouting is the only way to restore order.

By observing the people around them, children pick up messages about what is considered acceptable communication. I realize that my nice speaking rudely to her maid. She was behaving exactly like my grandmother, who lives with them. She believes maids are servants and should be ordered around and my nice began to being rude to her maid.

Research has shown that up to 90 per cent of all communication is nonverbal. Your stance, facial expressions, eye contact and other non-verbal signs are cues that can be understood even by infants. In fact, since children are more adept in picking up on body language, they know when you are lying about your feelings. Communicate how you feel honestly and explain what you are going to do to make things better. This teaches your child that it is normal to have unpleasant feelings and that it is possible to manage them.

Facing your child, looking him/her in the eye and giving him/her your lull attention as you listen to what he/she has to say.

Five minutes of your undivided attention are more precious to him/her than 15 minutes during which you simply pretend to listen.

Let your child express his concerns without commenting, and repeat what you think you have heard him/her say.

Ask questions to get a better understanding of what he/she wants. Use door-opening questions such as "What do you think?" and "Do you want to talk about it?" to encourage him to communicate his feelings. Avoid door-slammer statements such as "You don't need to know about that" and "Why are you telling me this?" These tell your child you are not interested in the discussion, and shut the door on communication.

An important part of active listening is forgoing judgment. While your opinion as a parent is important, you should respect and accept your child's right to his/her feelings. Use non-judgmental words when expressing yourself, and criticize actions rather than the person. When offering your child advice so he/she can make a choice, give him/her the full picture even if you don't agree with certain courses of action. Then, let him/her decide on the best solution.

I-word is an effective skill to use when your child's behavior troubles you. Because it does not allocate blame, it eases tension and conflict, reduces defensiveness, defines problems and fosters communication, while influencing your child to change his behavior.

There are three parts to message.

First, describe your feelings, starting with "I feel..."

Then, follow up with a description of the problematic behavior and state why it is a problem, after which you can offer choices of actions or consequences.

For instance, you can say: "I feel worried when you don't tidy up your room before bedtime, because you might trip over your toys and hurt yourself when you pet up at night to use the bathroom."

A well-crafted words result in willing cooperation, while leaving your child's self-esteem intact. More importantly, it teaches him to change his behavior not out of fear or expectation of reward, but because he cares about your feelings and what you want.

Conflicts are an inevitable part of family life, especially between sibling's who will tussle over anything from changing TV channels to whose turn it is to wash the dishes. The Gordon Model provides a method for no-lose conflict resolution, with the objective of presenting solutions that will be able to satisfy all conflicting parties.

This method works in six steps:

Identify the problem in terms of two sets of needs, rather than as two conflicting ones.

Brainstorm solutions that could meet both sets of needs.

Analyze the ability of these proposed solutions to meet both sets of needs.

Choose a solution to put into action.

Act on the decision.

Evaluate the results.

This usually results in amicable solutions because people are more motivated to comply with decisions in which they played a part in reaching.

Acknowledging your child for doing things you approve of - allows you to emphasize good behavior and eliminate bad behavior. It can also build confidence and resilience in children. It enhances the parent-child relationship, and makes it more loving and open.

The child learns to behave well with this simple method that shows his parents are paying attention to him.

Parents often demonstrate their appreciation of good behavior by offering a reward. But while it can work as a strong motivational tool, it can also backfire. The child may do things only because he expects incentives. Parents should also learn to distinguish between a reward and a bribe. While the former is given to acknowledge positive behavior, a bribe is promised to a child before he demonstrates that behavior. Bribes have the same effect on children as too many rewards.

However, you certainly don't need to eliminate material rewards altogether. Instead, dole them out sensibly and ensure the reward fits the behavior. Don't discount emotional rewards such as a hug, smile or kiss.

Children are strongly motivated by praise and encouragement, so don't forget to praise your child for good behavior and encourage him to do better. Be specific and tell him exactly what you like about his actions. For example, you could say "I liked the way you offered everyone a drink" or "Thank you for cleaning up your room".

Remember to praise your child's behavior and not his person. Statements such as "good girl" and "good boy" have no real value, and may in fact cause the child to wonder if he's bad when he doesn't do well. Instead, accentuate the positive. Look for improvement and compare his current behavior to his own past behavior so he can see how he has grown, but never compare him to other children. If your child is old enough, set some goals for him to achieve as a measure of progress.

The way you communicate with your child greatly influences his psyche. Criticism, mocking and insults increase a child's self-doubt, anger, resentment and shame, while acceptance and empathy increase his or her self-love, confidence and emotional quotient. As such, positive communication is clearly necessary for a child's emotional well-being.

In real life, parents and children does not communicate in an ideal manner. Stress from work, personality differences, managing household chores, raising more than one child, as well as inherent parenting values are just some of the factors that come into play.

It can be tiring to remember to speak to your kids in a positive manner all the time. Some times when you lost your cool and resorted to screaming at them instead.

Positive communication will definitely paid off, your children will not hesitate to approach you for advice, comfort and reassurance whenever they need it.

Practicing positive communication may sometimes be difficult, but its rewards. Not only will you install a sense of security, confidence and self-esteem in your child, but you'll also foster a loving family environment with strong bonds built on mutual respect, acceptance, empathy and consideration.