If you wonder about the possible things that can go wrong in running a family business then my family and my husband's family could clue you in on so many things. My brothers, sister and father were (were being the operative word) in business together for many years. My husband is currently an owner in the family business that his father started almost fifty years ago and is now being owned and operated by him and 4 of his brothers. My mother and I own a business together. Between all of these experiences, I have become very knowledgable about the problems that can arise.

Looking first at the business owned by my siblings and my husband's siblings, I realize that birth order has played a significant role in the position and feelings. The oldest child in both our families has turned out to be the ruler in these situations. If you've done much reading about birth order and how it affects our personalities then you'll understand how this can come into play in the operating of a business. I don't want to say too many negative things (we have enough family tension already) but suffice it to say that the God complex comes into play with many first born children and that can be difficult to deal with.

As a middle child I've adopted the role of mediator and peacekeeper but when it comes to money and business that role becomes much more difficult. The siblings that I know who are in business together develop many complex relationships that then spill over to every other family relationship. Our family was once very close. We celebrated holidays together. We went on family vacations. We were very close to our neices, nephews and in-laws. Over time that has deteriorated because of business. My oldest brother still owns the business and our family tends to rotate in and out employment there, but the ties that were once there are gone. It makes me sad for my children because they will never know the family that we were before the family business.

Another problem that can arise with family business is that your personal life is no longer personal. I'll use my brother-in-law as an example. He has, throughout his life, battled alcohol and drug addiction. As any business owner knows, these are serious issues in the workplace. My husband learned that when you make a decision to terminate an employee because of these issues that is much easier than when you make the decision to terminate your brother. How do you get past something like that? It is a question that his brother will never understand. In his mind because it is a family owned business, there should be forgiveness and repeated chances. To the other brothers it is a matter of risking everyone's liveliehood to help him and they are no longer willing to do that. Once again family business has wrecked family relationships.

My mother and I are also in business together. One of the things that we have learned is to be realistic about expectations. One benefit of family business is that you know who you are working with. You already know their strengths and weaknesses so it can be positive if you assign your roles based on that.

I've seen some very successful family businesses. My husband's is one of them, but there are always going to be rough patches and difficult issues. If you think you can make it work, then it's great to have someone you can count on. I really recommend hammering out details of who is responsible for what before the doors open. Try and predict scenarios and plan ahead. One of the greatest things you can do though is to find an outside party to act as an impartial mediator if there are problems. Someone who can step in and look objectively at the situation and recommend solutions that are free from any family bias.

Some other pointers:

• Don't live and breathe the business
• Have business-free family gatherings
• When making decisions ask yourself how you would handle it if it wasn't a family member
• Don't share every issue with non-involved family members. It just creates more problems