I have not written a hub in months. I have not written much of anything in months. And the little I have written has been sub-par. Over the past several months I have been going through some sort of a crisis; this is, in addition to the anxiety-ridden ruminations that have been part of my daily life for years. This existential conflict is all about potential and creativity.

What is potential? It's probably impossible to ever reach one's potential. Why do we care?

Does a point exist in each of our lives where our potential as well as our creativity (I assume we must muster some form of creativity to meet potential to some extent?) has been tapped? Do we run out of chances to do things that are extra ordinary... consistently? I believe that for many of us a point comes -- after many original chances followed by repeated chances at redemption -- where we cease to have the capacity to be truly creative, hence rendering any potential we once had as moot or lost.

Even as I write this, I think it sucks... for a multitude of reasons.

Part of my problem - or maybe all of it - is that I have set out on at least four careers and/or endeavors that have all essentially blew up or fizzled, and subsequently failed.  I was always a high achiever.  I was going on to be this or that exciting thing.  That blew up so I was going to go on to this and then this.  Both of these things imploded so I decided to embark on another ambitious project.  Failed again.  And here I sit.  Twenty years down the road.  Still young.  Fully able to realize that I am largely to blame for my failures.  And that's what they were and still are - failures - as much as it sucks to say.  Sure, on the road to failure I experienced lots of great things.  Maybe I should be thankful for, cherish and savor the journey and put less focus on the poor outcomes?  I know I should, but my mind won't let me.  At least not enough.  I focus mostly on potential and creativity.   

Do I have any of either left?  And if, by some stretch I actually do, is it worth putting myself out there yet again for another false start?  There is a part two to this hub, undoubtedly.  Hopefully a more well thought out and well written one.  But at least I have written a hub after a relatively long hiatus.  And maybe my less ambitious, low-achieving self will write another one sometime soon.