Now, now...just hear me out. Think about it. We find solutions to all sorts of problems online, at the mall, in books. This is simply offered as one of many options available.

The experience may be something like this...The obnoxious Mr. Inthedoghouse, has just exceeded the allowable levels of male insensitivity. My temper explodes past the legal limits and the natural response would grant me entrance into one of our States' finest institutions. Instead, I opt to let my fingers do the clicking, on down the internet super highway to the Miracle Mile of Used Husbands.

Boy, you can just find anything on line these days! But, there is ad banner after ad banner of endless run down, banged up used husbands on their last leg.

Wow! They have a Classic Hubby in really good shape! He would fit my personality perfectly. But I bet he's got hidden damage. Maybe he was even in a bad break up. Oh! But it looks like he's been customized with a fully integrated Viagra drive train! I wonder how long will that lasts? I'm sure he'll run just fine for a while, but then he'll nickel and dime me to death. First, it will be his transmission. He'll start to shift gears really slow and then he won't be able to keep upat all. I bet he's gotta have special fuel to keep running right, too. Then before you know it, he'll need a new pump. Then what? Do you just keep fixing him, or is it back to the Used Husband lot again? No, better go with a slightly newer model.

Looking at these, I can see, they just don't make them like they use to. The newer ones aren't as smooth or feel as comfortable as the 'old classic' models. These husbands just look like they've been run hard and not been taken too good of care. Aw, they're just too risky and expensive on insurance. And husband 'mechanics' are so danged expensive these days. That's if you get one who knows what he's doing. Do you get one trained by Ford or Chevy?

I'm just about getting dizzy. High profile husbands; strictly work husbands; real swanky ones; some sleek; some with big rear bumpers; a couple sporty ones, but I hear they're never home. Then, just when I've have lost all hope of finding a decent used husband, I find it. A reputable dealer in Gently Reconditioned Pre-Owned Husbands. Well of course, he is clean, attractive and not too new. Lord knows, the last thing I want to do is to have to break a brand new one in, all over again! Now, I knew I was shopping in the right place. It's Honest Heidi's Pre-owned husbands!

So, lets take a look at the features and options.

• Very handsome (not too pretty-you don't want him to be stolen)
• one owner-(wonder why she dumped him?)
• compact-(I don't really want a large trunk)

• low maintenance (very desirable)
• recent body work (they mean he has a new knee joint)

Ok, so he's not in too bad a shape. But if I'm going to the trouble to replace a broken down, unreliable husband, I want him to be an improvement! So, what upgrades can I expect?

His old 'love handles' have been replaced. He's had a recent tune up and all systems were gone thru, including an 'mri'-a "matrimony rejuvenation implant" installed and a scope.

This isn't a bad warranty either. 50 years or 5,000 broken promises and 50,000 breakdowns in communication, which ever comes first. In the fine print, though it states, the warranty is null and void if said pre-owned husband is found parked in strange garage. I guessI just have to take my chances.

Also, it does come with GPS Navigation system, but the sales man warns it doesn't work very well on these used models. Lo-jack is available, but why pay for that? If he's stolen, there is no telling what kind of condition he'll be in when he returns.

You know what? All this 'used husband'-excuse me 'pre-owned' husband salesman speak is giving me a headache.

Well, maybe I'll just sleep on it tonight. I don't want to jump into anything and make a hasty decision. Then I'll be stuck in a relationship with somebody else's hand-me-down problems. Hey! Oh, Hi, honey. Where have you been?

"Oh, I was just down on the auto mall. I was thinkin' you really deserve a new car. I should've listened to you when you told me about the noise you heard. And I'm sorry, I blamed you for it."

Ok, so what am I suppose to do now?

"Thanks, honey. I've still got some homemade peach cobbler for you. I can heat it up and top it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. You can just walk a few more car lots tomorrow for exercise. I'll be right there. Let me just bookmark this site."