Until the 20th century, wealth and power were much more important factors than love. Love really was not even on the top ten list of prerequisites for marriage. Indeed, most marriages were prearranged. It was not until the 20th century that the 'match made in heaven' even appeared on the radar scope of marriage. In fact, for most of history it was thought that love could only flourish in adultery.

In America's early days, passion between husband and wife was considered impolite and a little strange. Dating became popular in the 1920's, and as love and marriage subsequently grew inseperable, the divorce rate also grew. Whereas as late as the mid-1800's divorce was considered scandalous and was an occurrance of note, today about half of all marriages end in divorce. A study in New York revealed that about 95 percent of those surveyed said they had experienced premarital sex. By 2003 the median age for first premarital sex experience was about 17 years old.

Currently marriage rates are falling as couples "test the waters" before jumping down the well of nuptial bliss, and wait until they are really sure about it before taking the leap.

Divorce rates in the "Bible Belt" states, the Carolinas, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, Texas, Arkansas, Missouri, Kansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, etc., where I think people tend to favor abstinance over birth control and premarital sex is presumably a big no-no, are double those of "liberal" states such as Massachusetts, New York, Connecticut and New Jersey, where in some places gay marriage is allowed and presumably the atmosphere is more permissive. (Divorce rate statistics from the CDC division of the Department of Health, Education and Welfare.)

Anecdotally, I know a couple here in Massachusetts who lived together for three years before they decided to get married. They went to the clergy to talk about the logistics, and during the conversation it came out that they were, in fact, "living in sin". The clergy said, "I guess this speaks to the times we live in, but when a couple says they're NOT living together, I think there must be something wrong."

This particular couple has been together for more than twenty years, so I surmise that their premarital activities did not significantly spoil the charm of marriage for them.

The minefield of premarital sex today is sexually transmitted diseases. In 2007, over 18,000 cases of HIV - currently the deadliest of STDs - were reported in Massachusetts, over 14,000 in Connecticut, and over 170,000 in New York. Over 30,000 cases were reported in Georgia, over 99,000 in Florida, almost 67,000 in Texas and almost 12,000 in Tennessee. The percentage of the population affected seems uniform across the country as does the demographics of the epidemic. It is a cautionary tale for those who venture down the path of premarital sex, and it seems to me that one would really want to know one's partner very well indeed before rolling the dice on one's life.

HIV, though the most deadly, is hardly the only STD on the scene. Gonorrhea and syphilis are still very prevalent and can cause grave harm in left untreated.

Many who have been through the dating scene can attest that it is no picnic. It can be difficult and stressful to find compatible people, and then if you do find a compatible person, and you have sex with the person, sex can totally change the relationship for the worse.

As recounted by an anonymous writer at premaritalsex.info (see Romances With Wolves link below) "Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart. That's what I mean by "sex killed my best relationships." People can relate on many different levels -- emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we (I) had waited."

So as you can see, premarital sex is no panacea to guarantee a happy and successful relationship. It can be risky, stressful, and otherwise unproductive.

Without hard data to back it up, I think the real answer is that when it comes to deciding whether or not to have sex before marriage, you are on your own. I would offer my own opinion: take it slow. No need to rush. Listen to your partner more than your hormones. Be friends - maybe for years - before you become lovers. Even married sex is messy and charged with hidden emotion. Go one step at a time and move together toward your future, each always watching the other for their cue. Maybe it's right for you and maybe not.

Listen also to your parents, friends, priest, preacher, rabbi or imam, anyone you feel can give you guidance. It's a decision that needs to made with great care.