So you have survived your first baby. Your precious little bundle is becoming slightly less little. Maybe they are already beginning to totter around, possibly you have got them as far as nursery or preschool ,and you decide it is time to add another bundle to the mix. This time round will be a breeze though..right? I mean you have already gone through the initiation with number one. You know the REAL truth about pregnancy and birth. You have found out first hand just how chronic sleep deprivation feels, and no doubt you have your own tried and tested remedies all ready for the first 3 months of colic. So you approach this new adventure with a sense of determined enthusiasm.

The reality hits home almost straight away however. The exhaustion of the early months of pregnancy , which didn’t seem too bad last time, suddenly takes on a whole new meaning when trying to run around after a toddler at the same time. And if you are unlucky enough to suffer with bad sickness then even the simplest of trips becomes a challenge. All outings and activities with your older child become punctuated by frequent toilet trips, dragging an unwilling toddler with you. Unfortunately your toddler is not tuned into your changing state and for her life continues full speed. Suddenly you realise the luxury of those extra naps you had daily last time round is well and truly past. Still you tell yourself it will all be worth it. After all once the baby arrives everything will fall into place and you’ll be as natural. Confident and in control. So you struggle on with your expanding bump and diminishing energy levels.

When you reach the final stages that familiar excitement cheers you on as you prepare the cot and dig all the first size clothes out of the loft , marvelling at how tiny they all are. Eventually you are in labour and then holding your precious new bundle in your arms. At once you realise it was all worth it and relax in that heady euphoria of the arrival of a new baby. Gradually however normal life needs to be resumed, you have two children to care for and so set about being the calm and experienced mother you imagined. But gradually you realise that you have entered a whole new territory. Chances rae your new little bundle is very different to your first. What soothed your first born seems to upset and irritate the new arrival. And so you find yourself just as puzzled and bemused as you were last time round. You dig out all the parenting books you were sure you wouldn’t need to consult again. Add to this the fact that you now have to do all this whilst entertaining and caring for your other child and you may find yourself wondering what on earth you have done. Out and about you stare wistfully at mothers with one baby and wonder why you never realised how easy it was with just one. Back at home you wonder how you are supposed to feed a screaming baby and mop up a drink flood whilst consoling an out of sorts hysterical toddler and all with one pair of hands. So how do you do it? Is it possible to be the calm and in control mummy of more than one that you imagined you would be? Well in my opinion the answer to that is yes…and no. Sometimes the expectations we place on ourselves is unrealistically high, and sometimes just letting go of these false expectations can be the key to our survival and success. You don’t need to be Mary Poppins….you just need to be good enough.

Surviving pregnancy number 2

1.take up all offers of help. This is not a time to be proud! If you have any friends or relatives nearby who could help out with your older child once in a while let them. Then use to the time to rest and relax!

2.Try to find some quiet toys that could occupy your older child whist you get a chance to rest. For example invest in some new crayons and a colouring books, sticker books, fuzzy felt, or other activities likely to keep your toddler entertained for a while.

3. Some toddlers may be amenable to the idea of snuggling up in bed with you for an afternoon nap. If you are lucky enough to have a toddler that still has a regular daytime nap do all you can to keep this going for as long as possible, you’ll thank yourself when the new baby arrives! And remember to use anytime your toddler naps for resting yourself!

4.Lower your standards when it comes to housework. Just do the basics. Remember all those images of perfect houses in magazines aren’t real.

5. Consider ordering your groceries online if you don’t already. One less thing to have to worry about, and saves you lugging heavy bags around!

The Early Months with your New Bundle

1. Be gentle on yourself. The early months with your new baby are a time of great change for all of you and it will take you all time to adjust.

2.Get your older child involved with the new baby. Even a toddler can do lots to help out with a newborn, passing nappies, helping at bath time, singing to the baby etc… Involving your older child will help them not to feel left out and will help to minimise any later rivalry

3.Don’t feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your baby without your older child. You need time to get to know your new bundle, and wanting to spend some time alone with your baby is natural. Take up any offers of help with your older child to enable this.

4. Make some time for one to one time with your older child. It doesn’t have to be long. 10 minutes for a snuggle and a story while someone else holds the baby or baby is asleep will mean a lot to your toddler.

5.Keep a box of “special” toys for your older child for times when you are busy with the baby eg feeding, rocking to sleep etc..Change these toys round regularly so there is always something exciting to keep you toddler entertained

6.Don’t expect too much of yourself. Looking after a new baby is hard. Looking after a new baby with an older child is extremely hard! If you all end up still in pyjamas at lunch time that is fine! This stage wont last forever and eventually daily routines will seem more manageable.

As the new baby grows

1. Gradually things will get easier. Remember this, and believe it!

2.As things begin to settle down try to plan some easy outings. These don’t have to be far. A walk round the block, a trip to a local playground. you may have been to toddler groups with your older child and as things begin to settle getting back to these can help you to meet up with and chat to other mums.

3.Make some time for yourself. Maybe meet up with friends for a bit, or just go for a walk on your own, or for a swim. Whatever you enjoy doing making some time for yourself will help you to recharge your batteries. Even if you are breastfeeding it should be possible to leave a slightly older baby for a couple of hours.

4.Be flexible. Whilst your baby may start to develop a routine at this stage this can change. Beginning to build up a routine can help you feel in control, but don’t be afraid to change it if what you are doing is no longer working for you or your family.

5.Look after yourself. Make sure you eat well and sleep as much as possible. If you are feeling low, and this lingers as your baby grows talk to your health visitor or GP. Postnatal depression is very common and can be treated. You don’t have to suffer on alone.

 It will be hard. There will be times when you wonder how you will get through the day. But gradually things will ease. Your baby will grow, your famiy will readjust and before you know it you will all be having lots of fun Your older child and new baby will become the best of friends and you will realise it was all worth while!