We've all been like this chick. Standing there. Smiling. Tiara fixed to our perfectly formed do's as we pose for the paparazzi.

Frankly, my apt, but seriously wanting readers, I've never actually been there. But I know YOU have, or at least WANT TO BE. Forget the paparazzi chick in the stupid tiara. Today in Ally's Lesson In Social Decorum I will teach you how to become one glorious step closer to, well, Me.

Dry your eyes, my apprentice princesses, and fake a pregnancy.

Ever noticed how people crowd around pregnant ladies? Feeling and patting their increasingly voluptuous abdomoninal region? You can only hope for a stray touch, yet these wanton women solicit such actions "for the baby".

And just think how you'll be the envy of your contemporaries when for two simple cheques of $39.99 I will send you the Leaky-Milk-O'Matic. Pour forth from your bosom fresh waves of milky, low calorie, cancer-curing goodness.

Don't fret, my pretties. Soon you'll be the envy of all your peers, blossoming, budding and grossly overweight, you can strump your way out of any awkward social situation with the cliche line "I feel...uhh...crampy...Oh-My-God! My waters just broke!"