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Prison Inmate Marriages

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By C.Ferreira


I watched a show recently about inmates around the country who are getting married while in prison. They showed examples of famous criminals being married, inmates on death row getting married, lifers getting married, and the run of the mill inmate getting married.

There seemed to be strict rules about which inmates were allowed to get married, but in my opinion, for any inmate to be married while in prison is an outrage! When a person enters jail, they enter a world without privileges. It is their own fault that they ended up in prison, and they should be stripped of almost every single right they have.

Of course I do not feel the same about all types of inmates. For the most part, I am talking about hardened criminals such as murderers and armed robbers. You know, the ones that are actually dangerous and are a detriment to society.

I have several issues with the way this all goes down. So here goes...


Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Human Needs

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a human being has several levels of needs in order to live a fulfilled life. Before reaching the next level, a person must be completely satisfied of the needs in the preceding level.

The first level consists of a person's physiological needs which includes the basic needs for food, water, and shelter. These needs are essential for a person to physically survive. Without them they will surely die.

A prison meets all three of these physiological needs, and I would argue that these are absolutely imperative for our jail system. Without meeting these needs, we are subjecting other human beings to neglect.

Here's the thing. These criminals should be neglected, but because of our morals...two wrongs don't make a right. This is the way I see it...A person on Death Row is really just wasting our time and money. If they are sentenced to death, line 'em up and stick 'em with the needle. There is no reason that people should sit on Death Row year after year, eating food that we pay for in a building run on tax dollars. I know it is expensive to execute someone in prison, however there is no way that it costs more to shoot someone up with a lethal injection than to house and feed them for 30-60 years or longer!

That is where the buck stops with me. As long as we are providing the basic lifelines in our prison system, then that is where inmate rights should end.

Conjugal Visits

Some argue that sex is part of the first level on Maslow's pyramid. They say it is a basic physiological need.

If this were to be true, I would agree with conjugal visits, but since a person can survive without sex, conjugal visits are definitely a privilege that should not be allowed for prison inmates! Again, if they are in prison, it is their own fault (with the extremely rare exceptions of the wrongfully accused). They should not be allowed the same benefits that a person on "the outside" has.


Inmate Marriage

Here is my issue...

If you screw up bad enough to find yourself in prison, I want you to have as little as possible as your punishment. Life behind bars is not enough. There is no reason an inmate should be rewarded for "good behavior" after committing a crime that lands them in a cell to begin with.

I know people can be rehabilitated and some deserve second chances, but that is the price you pay for being a dumbass. Murderers do not deserve a second chance. They took someone's life and should pay the ultimate consequence.

Instead, however, good behavior warrants enough benefits for some inmates that it allows them to find love and get married while in prison! I have no proof or anything to back this statement up with, but I'm willing to bet that a marriage in prison is not free, and that I am paying for it out of my own pocket. Bullshit!

Love and marriage would be considered part of the third level of needs on Maslow's Hierarchy, and is listed as love and belonging. I am all for inmates moving up the pyramid of needs if they can, however it better be at their own expense. I don't want any part of helping them find joy. The fact that inmates are allowed to get married while they are in prison infuriates me.

I certainly don't mind if they find love in prison, or if they are already married. Visitors are fine in my book, which pretty much means an inmate must already be in love, or have someone they know that visits that later turns into some kind of relationship.


But wait...there's more! Inmates, both men and women, are allowed access to the Internet in order to find "love". In fact, there are special websites set up for this specific reason! This is absolutely ridiculous.

On the one hand, it is an extremely good idea business-wise. The founders of these sites are definitely doing well for themselves. On the other hand, this should never be allowed. A prison sentence is a prison sentence, and there should be nothing given to these criminals that allows them to personally benefit themselves in this way.

Educating themselves is one thing because it betters them in a way that can eventually benefit society. Marriage and sex are good only to them and to the person they marry. It serves no purpose to the rest of us who are paying for them!

Marriage, sex, TV, radio etc. are all luxuries that people work hard for all of their lives. An inmate should NOT be given these same luxuries simply because they are behaving themselves behind bars. Basically, if it doesn't benefit society in some way, inmates should not be able to do it!

And in the words of Forrest Gump...

That is all I got to say about that.

Comments

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Candie V profile image

Candie V  says:
6 months ago

It's been this way for ever. Part of our 'kinder/gentler' society, I guess. I agree, tho, a loss of all perks should be standard sentancing. The other disturbing element in this is the women who throw themselves at these men. I was involved in this life thru the guys I knew growing up. They weren't hard-core but the stories of the ones that were, and the women, by the dozens proposing to the men was a joke to the men and amazed me.

Dan  says:
6 months ago

I would only be able to agree with you if the laws that put men and women behind bars were fair and just. Many of these people are in jail for reasons I do not agree with.

http://www.justicepolicy.org/images/upload/99-03_R

If jail were reserved only for violent offenders who have no hope of rehabilitation then yes they should be locked in a "dungeon" and left to rot. Then again, if we are only jailing people who have no hope of rehabilitation, and who really will never be a benefit to society, then why imprison them at all? We should just kill them (preferably in a science experiment to help humanity).

I do not believe that the vast majority of violent prisoners could not be rehabilitated. There are neuronal patterns which get "wired" in to our brains when we are infants and children. Most of our violent prisoners simply were not wired correctly because of serious parental neglect or abuse when they were infants.

http://books.google.com/books?id=ByhOiB4PXg0C&

Research is ongoing into whether or not this miswiring can be fixed. One thing is clear; it would take time... a lot of it. It also takes hard work, love, and one on one relationships to fix a poorly wired brain. Some of the questions that research still needs to answer are: Is it ever too late? How long does it take to "rewire" a brain? Can drugs help? If we find out that the wiring of the brain at 25 would take 150 years to correct with intensive rehabilitation then should we even bother trying? Or should we simply say it is too late for some people, sucks that they were dealt a crappy hand, but we don't want them in our society as they are, and we don't have time to fix them.

I believe the Netherlands has a very liberal take on prison (if I'm thinking of the correct country). Their prisoners live in houses and are treated as human beings in a community (a community separate from normal society). Like if a child is caught doing something bad, he is scolded but then worked with, loved, and taught proper behavior.

I guess my thoughts are: Criminals should only be sent to prison if they are actually criminals, ie they commited a violent crime which cost someone his/her life or property which is nonrecoverable (no more non violent offenders, I don't care how many joints they smoked or cocain they snorted!). Then with those people who are actually criminals we need to do some research to figure out whether they can be rehabilitated so they can rejoin society and become productive members. For those few criminals who are actually criminals and who are too messed up to ever be fixed... why keep them alive? So really all we need are rehab centers (maybe an island somewhere) and holding cells (where the ones who can't be fixed wait for the needle).

Candie V profile image

Candie V  says:
6 months ago

Dan, I would also agree with you up to a point..By who's definition of "rehabilitate". The standards do not exist, it's all point of view.. dependant upon the ability for the offender to lie effectively and show remorse - real/sincere-or completely fabricated for lighter sentance, and the governing body and their ability to see thru the crap, to the reality of the situation. The main difference between a level 3 and level 1 sex offender isn't the crime, it's whether they've gone to rehab class, also not a good judge of 'likely to reoffend".

shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush  says:
6 months ago

This is a tricky subject and I agree with you regarding murderers, rapists, terrorist as far as society is concerned.

Dan  says:
6 months ago

Candie~ I meant we need to develop scientific ways to determine whether someone's brain is still miswired. In fact I am pretty sure they can use MRI's with some success. A psosiopathic brain will fire differently than a normal person's brain when they see certain things. Like if you saw a starving child your brain would (hopefully) fire in a very specific way showing sorrow and sympathy. A person who was miswired would fire differently. You are correct though, it can no longer be left to a judgement call whether a person is rehabilitated. We need scientific measurements.

Rehabilitated= brain works like a normal person's.

C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira  says:
6 months ago

Candie...I didn't want to get into the women...or men...who decide to get into a "relationship" with these inmates. But since you brought it up...it can go one of two ways....

1. They really develop some weird but rewarding connection to the person behind bars, or

2. They are just twisted and think that they can somehow find fulfillment in a relationship with an inmate. I think it is extremely hollow in most cases, but who really knows.

C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira  says:
6 months ago

Dan...again you obviously raise good points. Obviously the laws are messed up, but in the present state this is what we deal with. (not everyone lives in the year 2175 like you do!)

That is why I made note that I am referring to hardened criminals and not the non-violent offenders.

I agree that if we can come up with a scientific measurement of rehabilitation, then we should use that. If it can't be done, lifers should definitely be lined up. There is no need to waste the time, money, and resources for them to stay alive in prison.

Dan  says:
6 months ago

Or they can build stuff to earn their keep.

badcompany99  says:
6 months ago

I got drunk and was abusive on the forums, am so sorry I took a week to add you back, have a good weekend my friend !

C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira  says:
6 months ago

aahh...must have been that rum!

mayhmong profile image

mayhmong  says:
6 months ago

Are you @#$! me? They seemed to have more priviledge and have the life of being a coach potato behind bars. While people out there in the world are suffering with no food or shelter. That's just wrong!

greggy  says:
6 months ago

I would like to disagree for the most part with your hub point of view about what should happen to prisoners. Tne justice system is America is very unfair especially in America. When a senator in Alaska admits stealing millions of dollars from IRS, he gets no jail time for fraud and theft. When a hungry person steal a bugger from bugger king, he gets 15 years in jail.

How about man vs woman crimes? Same crime commited by a man and a woman, a woman is more likely to get free or lesser sentence than a man.

How about black society (men)? if a black male is in a crime scene commited by a white person, the black person is the first suspect and assumed guilty until proven innocent, VS a white person assumed innocent until proven guilty.

How about Latinos? Law enforcement especially in southern states will take a latino to prison without second thought for any crime associated to them. But in the same crime, will have a white person record a statement pending investigations, most of the times.

....and yes, wrong imprisonment is not rare like you mentioned especially with if you are male, are black, are latino in the South. Read my hub about "would you survive a rape" and feel it for those taken behind bars wrongly.

... am not opinionated, am just an observer of the legal system

C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira  says:
6 months ago

greg, thanks for your comments. I appreciate you taking the time to read, but I fear that you missed the entire point of the Hub. The Hub's point is about the rights that inmates are given behind bars, not about whether or not they were wrongfully imprisoned.

I know that it happens, however I think you are overly pessimistic about the quantity of times this happens. I hear all of your observations, but without factual evidence, I find it quite hard to believe most of your claims.

csmith  says:
5 months ago

I happen to be married to a WONDERFUL man that was incarcerated for 6 years. We started our relationship while he was in prison and I am loving it!!!! Just to let you know, he has started a mentoring camp for troulbled teens that now have about 400 members, we attend church reguarly, we have jobs and pay taxes. Everyone is not the same and people can change through prayer.

C.Ferreira profile image

C.Ferreira  says:
5 months ago

csmith...thanks for the comment. I do not doubt that people can change, nor do I think all people in prison are bad people.

My main and only point to this really, is that I do not think inmates should have a lot of the rights they are given in jail, especially the use of the internet to find love.

If you don't mind me asking, how did the two of you begin dating while he was incarcerated?

And ps. prayer is not how people change. Human will is how people change.

Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet  says:
5 months ago

The whole things seems ludicrous. Why get married when you're in jail? What is the point? But the worst is when women write to inmates - murderers and others of that ilk - love letters and proposals of marriage.

Travis  says:
4 months ago

First off please pardon my spelling i know it sucks lol

In genral I agree with you that a person that has been locked up should be denied all rights but the basics that they need to live, food, water, shelter. However my only issue with your argument is that unfourntly our justice system has a major flaw in it, and almost and my inccont people as guilty are convicted and locked up every year! Our system is so hell bent on gettin convictions that even thou a person is totaly inocent they can still be found guilty. These people should not be denied of the "finer" rights life offers such as marrige, sex, friends, decent food, etc. unfourntly scince there is no way to tell apart the truely guilty and the falsely accused i belive that certin rights should still be extended to inmates. I totaly agree with removeing sex however is 2 people want to get married who are we as a people as a state how ever you want to look at it to tell them that they can't get married. I have a friend who married her husband while he was locked up and ill be honest at first i was no thrilled with the idea but what i came to relize is even if we are going to take away the right to get married in the process we are also punishing the person who is not locked up who hasnt done anything wrong and is that fair?

kerrie   says:
3 weeks ago

its good and hence should be promoted

kerrie   says:
3 weeks ago

its good and hence should be promoted

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