Pros and Cons of sex before marriage
74Hi, My Name is Bob - Let's Have Sex
People say, hey, why not - everyone else is doing it? Then you have to ask yourself just how special are YOU. It is up to each of us to hold ourselves in the highest of regards - to wit, You are not everybody else, in fact you were created just a little lower than the angekls and that's important.
We humans are designed with a pwerful and wonderful instinct to come together in love with the idea of procreation. Look at humans from a physically developmental standpoint, Consider the young of the world. They are firm and ripe and appealing. Compare that with the more mature and there is no reason to believe that the young wouldn't want to immediately engage in sex with or without marriage. That's not love or committment, it's lust. That's a huge emotion.
Lust guides the animals to find each other when the female is in estrus. One can only hope that this isn't the only reason humans find one another. We, the evolved, have to add emotional reasons to come together in sexual activity. Finding those deeper emotions also means that we need to give considerable time to one another in non-sexual ways to be able to decide if this is the person we truly want to enter into a total sexual relationship with.
In grandma and grandpa's day sex was reserved for marriage. The couple took time, usually under the eye of watchful parents and relatives, to develop esteem for one another. Parents often arranged the marriaged based upon property alliances, and other meaningful reasons that would strengthen the ultimate family unit. Children coming from these marriages were allocated from their earliest years to other youngsters to continue the overall family plan.
Were the watchful eyes wrong? Did the parents so disregard natural selection of their children one for another for ulterior reasons thus make their ways wrong? Was that a society where the sanctity of marriage was just an old fashioned idea?Comparing our current society of instant gratification and anything goes to the views of past generations, we find that they felt there were prizes worth waiting for. In the end, both parties were protected both socially and emotionally. Families stayed intact and children were raised by both parents.
This leads back to the question of whether it's OK to engage in sex before marriage. This is a personal choice, of course, and the body says go, go, go. But the mind is what we evolved humans have above every other creature. One need not be in a hurry for instant gratification when the prize is so high. Once sex is gratified there are very few more mysteries to discover. Holding off is titlating, allows time to truly get to know one another, and in the end, if this is THE ONE, sex will be glorious when it is put in the right time frame. God forbid this isn't THE ONE and you've given away a precious part of yourself to someone you can't stand for the evening, let alone until death do you part.
Humans have the capacity to think while animals go strait to rutting. That's our gift to ourselves.
The answer to this question is to think about all of the ramifications of early sexual gratification, consider yourself and your own precious status, then your mind, not your loins, will know exactly what to do.
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I think this depends upon each person. sex before marriage kills the fun part of marriage
It's definitely a personal thing. People do what they do, but if they feel they have to lie about it, then there has to be some stigma attached in their own minds.
CR- You are right it depends on the individual. Even today in many societies including mine (I am from India) families still follow what you mentioned "Parents often arranged the marriaged based upon property alliances, and other meaningful reasons that would strengthen the ultimate family unit. "
Great hub, Coast Runner and thought-provoking. The problem is, an idealistic view could result in either frustration or hypocrisy. Maybe humans give sex a lot more importance than it should be given? In cultures where it is just treated as yet another need and enjoyment, without having 'evolved' into the ethical arena, there are far fewer problems in marriage and society. We use sex very often to 'own' another - in every which way, even manipulate. When there's freedom, we can 'choose' to limit it to one person, to love, within marriage, whatever. Just my take :)
It's a quandary isn't it when the powerful urges of the libido battle with the intellect that says, "this could be the dumbest thing I've done forever, but it sure will feel good for the moment." Morals have to play a part in this decision. But if there is guilt or the belief that somehow you can do it and still claim you didn't, then each person has to decide is it better to do it and just see where the chips may fall, or not do it and hold out for the ring and the paper.
This is a very important topic you have chosen for discussion coast runner. In modern times sex has become quite commonplace. The TV and movies have brought it in our homes. It is given a very high place in our priorities now. Sex education is the need of the hour in our school curriculam now. We sure do not want out-of-wedlock infants increasing in number, do we? Then there is the fear of AIDS also.
In writing my tiny little two cents worth, I find that it did cause people to think. And that's what we need to do with every decision, big as this, or even small...just think about what would happen either way.
As you say, it's very hard to avoid sex shoved in our face on billboards, in songs, advertising, television and movies. It's no wonder we've been given a green light to be just like what we are emmersed in, but does that make it right?
I wouldn't buy a car before test driving it. That being said, I also want be able to "perform" for my mate after marrige. Practice makes perfect.
"We sure do not want out-of-wedlock infants increasing in number, do we?"
Why not? It is circumstance-dependent, surely?
Declaration of vested interest - I'm not married, and my boyfriend and I have a 3 year old son. We've lived together for 11 years, love each other and our child, work hard, contribute to society. Marriage just isn't a big deal for us.
If it works for you and you feel like this is your soul mate who will be with you forever, then you HAVE married. Eventually it becomes common law, but for you, it sounds like a piece of paper is immaterial.
You've committed to each other and isn't that the whole point after all?
It is. Love, commitment and family are the important things, not whether we have a bit of paper to say the above.
We don't have common law marriage in the UK, you either are married or you are not.
I agree with SweetiePie, just because it was the norm to wait until marrige in the older generations, it doesn't mean that it didn't hapeen. Your grandmother or great-grandmother isn't going to tell you she did it, because she doesn't want you to do it. I think it's more or less, adults don't want younger population from getting pregnant and being careless with sex. I don't necessarily think that THE ONE has anything to do with it.
These days are a lot different than the early 1900s, and there aren't many mean or women who care whether or not their partner has slept with other people before marriage. Some people do, but not as many as in the past. Of course, given that the list isn't like 5 pages long. I don't think there's anything wrong with sex before marriage, but I also don't think that one should throw sexuality around like it's an old dirty rag. IE don't sleep with any willing human just because you can.
I just watched a show in which New York men and women were chalking up all of their sexual partners. It was an eye opener. But just because you can, does it mean you should? I agree that you have to have a good connection and hope you won't end up feeling used.
I feel that the world is so different now that everything gos and the world doesn't see anything wrong with nothing .We will accept all of it . we are living in darkness we can't so the light.
I feel that the world is so different now that everything gos and the world doesn't see anything wrong with nothing .We will accept all of it . we are living in darkness we can't so the light.
SweetiePie says:
12 months ago
Through out the history of the world though people did things behind closed doors that we did not know about. For instance, a girl might say she was a virgin on her wedding night, but she is not going to tell the truth about having sex before marriage and be labeled a loose woman. People did have sex before marriage, it was just not out in the open like it is today. People also cheated and did many other things, it is just now more in the open.