Psychic Employment – How to Become a Keen Psychic

A few months back I set out to determine whether the psychic powers that supposedly ran in my family lay dormant within me or not by taking some online psychic tests, the results were conclusive, they didn’t, I possess no psychic powers what-so-ever, but I wasn’t about to let a little thing like that stop me from gaining paid employment as an online psychic.

‘Get paid for the advice you give’ read the header on the ‘Keen psychic’ website, ‘set your own hours and your price per minute’, ‘make a difference to peoples lives’, which all sounded very promising, taking up psychic employment as a Keen psychic appealed to the side of me that would be more than happy to laze around in bed all day, wearing a hankie on my head, and getting paid between $3-6 a minute for predicting the unknown quantity.

‘It’s free and easy to sign up’ it proclaimed, ‘start now!’ I didn’t hesitate.

I had to create my username first, which for me came easy, because obviously it would have to be something ‘mystic’ in nature like ‘The Great Keeper of Secrets’ or ‘Master of the Third Eye’ but already having the username ‘MrVoodoo’ right here I decided to stick with that, it already has a little mystic to it, and it would save me trying to remember yet another online username, and having to send off an e-mail every time I forgot it.

The next step on my path to gainful psychic employment as a Keen psychic involved entering all the usual, email address, password, and of course for an online phone psychic the most important, my telephone number, the one via which I would be dishing out future visions, and tantric advice.

After being told several hundred times that my telephone number was invalid I finally got it sussed, getting the system to accept my number was almost a psychic test in itself, but one I eventually passed.

Choose a topic:

Step two on my path to successful psychic employment as a Keen psychic meant choosing my topic, it seemed that through Keen I wasn’t limited to offering only my powerful psychic advice, but could also advise others (for a fee) on topics such as: accounting, careers and education, diet and fitness, life-coaching, and relationship advice. I decided to stick with the psychic path for now, mainly due to the fact that I knew little about any of the others, and that I could plausibly pass myself of as gifted by speaking in husky tones whilst trying to sound wise to the ways of other-worldly knowledge.

So psychic advice it was.

But that wasn’t the end of it, next I was forced to choose by speciality, my area of psychic expertise. As a Keen psychic in the making, what area of online psychic employment defined me: ‘love and relationships, astrology and horoscopes, tarot reading?’ I didn’t own a deck of tarot cards, but as I would be selling my advice solely over the telephone that hardly mattered, I could just pretend that I did.

I chose straightforward psychic readings, and proceeded along the path.

I ate sausages off of sticks as I pondered my next choice, ‘life questions, financial outlook, otherworld connections, voices from beyond or pet psychics.’ The fact that I was faking it meant that if I so chose I had the freedom to work within any and all of these areas of psychic expertise, but the path to psychic employment was no easy one, and once again I was forced to narrow my options down by choosing, I chose ‘voices from beyond’ because it sounded the most fun.

The rest was mere formalities, the uploading of a picture of a voodoo priest that I stole from Google images, and the writing of a handful of words for a profile intended to convince the seekers that I did indeed possess great powers, and that the bargain price of just $3 a minute was peanuts in relation to the untold secrets I could and would share with them.

Did I feel guilty for this fallacy? After all, as I’ve said from the start my psychic powers are nil, but did that mean I had little to offer, or less than the others who’d found paid psychic employment as a Keen psychic without references or test? In the time I’ve spent online lurking in chat-rooms and debating in forums I’ve learned that some people just want to be heard, and understood, and have nobody else or don't care who by. And who knows, by some miracle it’s possible that my advice could bestow untold benefits upon its recipient, and change their lives for the better.

Is it wrong for me to charge $3 a minute to help the needy, the lost and the lonely?  Perhaps, it would certainly be kinder if I did it for free, but the truth of the matter is, I’m just not that nice.

So that’s it, I’m now a bona-fide online paid Keen psychic, and what do I see in your future? A tall dark stranger of course…