The FPI ( Federal Pubic Investigations) has released this warrant:

WANTED.....Crotchy Crab.....alias Dicky Dude...for being a pubic nuisance!

Description.....1 mm tall....in hair....6 legged....smokes Camels....tatto of Kevin Federline on rear right leg....speaks in wannabe black lingo....wears Laker's hat...backwards.

Crotchy Crab was last seen on Britney Spears and jumed over to Madonna during the French kiss. It was rumored that he jumped on Rosie O'Donnel but immediately jumped off and puked on the leg of Tom Cruise. Not being able to withstand the pubic grooming....Crotchy Crab finally wound up on Oprah from Tom bouncing on the couch. See Oprah's new book,"I caint reach my Pookie Pie to scratch it!"

Crotchy Crab is suspicioned to be headed for the White House. An FPI informant named, Itchy Bitchy, has made contact with Crotchy Crab's gang members. They informed Itchy Bitchy that Crotchy Crab was headed for the President. They would only give out the initials, RE, and stated that Crotchy said," I's jumpin' frum Jew to da New Foo!"

This act of testical terrorism could lead to anarchy! Can you imagine the President reaching in his pants to scratch while answering important questions?

Question: Mr. President....Can you tell us what you thought of the Queen of England?

Question: Mr. President....What were you thinking while bowing to the Arab King?

Question: Mr. President....What are you naming the dog?

Question: Mr. President....Is your stimulus package working?

If Crotchy Crab is allowed to reach the Commander in Chief....doom is at hand! If the President is saying "YES OH YES" while scratching during a military meeting....there could be a nuclear war.

Crotchy Crab may have already invaded the Presidential Pubical Palace! The President did say,"YES," to making Hillary Clinton Sec. of State!

Anyone from Hollywood who is a celebrity (Excluding Michael Bolton, because Crotchy hates his voice) is advised to check themselves for crabs. The FPI is setting up a camera at the entrance of the White House for people to raise their leg up to and be scanned.

Americans...be Patriots and check your Privates!

Got a tip....Call agent Quellada Medico at 1-800 Snatchm