Forrest Gump

First scene is a complete waste of time as we watch a computer generated feather flying around. These are exactly the kinds of openings that make me NOT wanna re-watch a film. When the feather finally lands we get a look at our supposed-hero Forrest Gump. The next thing we find out is that he was named after someone from the KKK and that his mother was not beyond doing sexual favors in order to shove her idiot kid face-forward into the real world. Kids throw rocks at him because he wears a knee-bace and through pity he makes a friend in Jenny who is, of course being sexually abused by her father. And so goes the all-American feel-good flick that celebrates all the simple things.

Turns out in this world it's a good thing when your simple.

Instead of writing a script, you can just have the lead character walk through all the big moments in history. We can even superimpose his image onto past events, whatever. It's a simple film for simple people. People like Tom Hanks who made it big time by playing an adult kid and then get to do it again in this film except this time he gets a shiny new Oscar trophy for it. I can't even entertain watching the rest of the film because it is essentially just one looong sketch (that lasts an hour) followed by sappy sentimentality ad nauseum.

Robin Wright-Penn of "The Princess Bride" will play Hanks' love interest even though they have no chemistry and she could be his daughter. No problem Mr. Hanks! Right away sir!

Forrest Gump was awarded the Academy Award for Best Picture even though it went up against the most awesome cinematic force in this country since the early Scorsese/Woody Allen/Coppola heyday.......Quentin Tarantino's PULP FICTION.

Pulp Fiction

• First scene in this film is electrifying right off the bat as we listen to two small-time crooks debating the rationality of robbing gas stations and convenience stores when the opportunity in restaurants is staring them right in the face. We listen intently as Pumpkin (Tim Roth) proceeds to arouse his partner Honey Bunny (Amanda Plummer) with his precise explanation why the staff of busboys, waiters and manager would offer little resistance and how the surprise factor is also in their favor. She can't take anymore and appears to orgasm her fury on the patrons with the memorable opening line "Any of you f**king p**cks move, and I'll execute every MFing last one of you!"

Roll opening credits and you have a theater full of people who are breathless. They are so blown away by the opening that they are startled into the realization that they are in the hands of one gifted and oh so very twisted storyteller. They are delighted at the possibilities the film presents and they are never let down. This is just the opening scene and we got more of a rush than we did during the first half hour of Gump combined.

There are amazing pop culture moments too. Like when Uma says to Travolta, "Would mind rolling me one of those cowboy?" and he responds "You can have this one cowgirl." If this little nugget was lost on you too bad because this is a sly reference to John's role in Urban Cowboy and Uma's in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. What about the great timing displayed by Bruce Willis here? He's never been this good. His comedic scenes with his girlfriend Fabienne are priceless, I mean who isn't laughing when she starts to cry and he has to ask her about the blueberry pancakes to calm down. I know I'm ROFL.

His best line though is "I'm an American honey. Our names don't mean sh!t"

But before I wrap things up we must also look at the timeline. How many people realize that the first scene in chronological order is Christopher Walken's speech to Butch about his father's watch?

• We open in the middle of the story at the diner and see everything leading up to the robbery attempt.

• We see Jules & Vincent's morning discussing Tony Rocky Horror and Big Kahuna Burgers until Ezekiel 25:17

• TITLE: VINCENT VEGA & MARSELLUS WALLACE'S WIFE ~ Flash forward to the first time Butch and Vincent meet at Marsellus Wallace's place. We now know the fix is in. Vincent and Jules are dressed in Jimmy's clothes already and they have the case which means that they just came from the diner where the film ends. Chronologically speaking this is the last scene for Jules. Huh? Think about it. Why isn't he with Vincent at Butch's place later? Because Jules has by this time already quit killing so that he can walk the earth.

• Now we meet Lance & Jodi, then Mia Wallace and Buddy Holly. Awkward silence, Urge Overkill, OD back to Lance's and concluding with the Fox Force Five joke. End of Story One

• TITLE: THE GOLD WATCH ~ Cap'n Koons >flash> to the fight!...or after it anyway. Esmerelda Villa Lobos, talk of Bora Bora and sleep. We all as an audience too exhale deeply. We wake up to chaos though and Bruce Willis turns on the action hero thing. From the back alley home to the poptarts to that crazy samarai finish, he's electric. Ving Rhames gets medieval as well. Zed's Dead baby, Zed's dead and THAT IS ACTUALLY THE END OF THE STORY!

• But not in Quentin's world. We still have to find out what happened to Pumpkin & Honey Bunny? Not before "Divine Intervention" however. "I just shot Marvin in the face." TITLE: THE BONNIE SITUATION ~ Quentin's inter-racial blaspheming aside, the scenes turn hilarious upon the arrival of Mr. Wolf but call him Winston.

• Finally we arrive at the middle where we began. Jules is trying real hard to be the shepherd and hoping we'll all stay like three lil' Fonzies.

Q: So the Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences dropped the ball on this, the one picture with the MOST motion, the MOST artistic?

A: Correctamundo!

Doubly so in fact, when you take into account that The Shawshank Redemption ALSO was in the Best Picture Nominees in 1994.

Man, did they blow it!