Q: My Chutia Husband is Looking at Porn--What to Do?

From Desperate Deepka

My husband, a real chutia,is 40 and we have two
children.

A few days ago when I came back
home from the office and saw him watching a porn
video .he had this habit but i thought he
stopped it after i requested many times..

Also, our
sexual encounters are decreasing.. now we
only make love once or twice a month. his
enthusiasm is also decreased. I suspect he is
watching porn for at least the past year.. i
told him that it hurts my feelins and i am
ready to have sex more often but our sex life
remains unchanged and he is watching porn
secretely even now..

Do you have an explanation of

what is going on?

He cannot or will not
provide one. It hurts that he would continue
to engage in an activity that hurts me and i
am sad that he is utilizing the Internet to
meet his sexual needs. please tell me what i
should do now..

-Desperate Deepka

Lakshmiri Advises

Think back to when you were first married, and before you
had your children, sex was simple.

You had privacy and a great
deal more 'mojo'. It isn't surprising that
you and your husband enjoyed a mutually
enjoyable sexual relationship with each
other.

Yet now that you have two children,
sex requires more planning and more
energy.

Your husband's use of videos is his
way to have his sexual need met while
avoiding all the hassle. His strategy is
somewhat effective, since it does lower his
sex drive, and it is certainly more
convenient. But it is at your expense.

The
only reasonable solution to your problem is
for your husband to abandon his offensive use
of videos and any other forms of sex apart
from you, and have sex with you in ways that
are fulfilling for both of you.

The procedure
to overcome an addiction begins when access
to the addictive material becomes
inaccessible. Those addicted to alcohol must
be completely separated from alcohol.

The
same principle applies to sexual addiction.
All of his pornographic videos and any other
sexual material he uses when he masturbates
should be destroyed.

While it's possible for
him to purchase more, at least it would
prevent renewal of his habit during a
momentary lapse. ,

...limit all of
his options to having sex with you,
the more your sexual relationship would
return to the way it was when you were first
married.

He may become depressed and
frustrated...Don't forget that the
way you make love together should be with
your enthusiastic agreement. If he says that
you must make love to him in a way that
upsets you, or is at all uncomfortable, he's
back to his sexual addiction again -- where
having sex is more important to him than your
feelings.