Questions to Ponder When There's Nothing Else to Read
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Questions that Haunt Me
If you have sex with a prostitute and it's against her will, could it be considered rape or just shoplifting?
Just how important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Exactly what disease did a "cured" ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway..
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? I know mine does!
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Maybe his wife wrote it because he wouldn't do his other chores?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect and wear such great clothes, while Pluto remains on all fours and is naked?
They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head
out the window?
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Comments
If my wife bitches in a forest
But no one hears it
Is it still my fault?
Damnit! I DID sing the songs before i read the next line! BTW -
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
Why is there braille on drive up ATM's? (thanks to George Carlin RIP)
Great hub Candie, got a good laugh - Assteroids heheh
CF - I say put the penny in a jar, it's one less we have to earn later (was that a Ben Franklin quote?) Thank you!
Ron - if a man says something in the woods and there's no women to hear him is he still wrong? Possibly!
John Z - I love George Carlin's bit about there being no such thing as "Blue Food" Even blueberries are purple.
Thank you all for chuckling with me! We needed something brainless after all the great hubs coming out lately!
Darn it, John Z--You beat me to the drive/park question, lol...
How about--why do fisherman, when they go fishing, throw their lines out as far as they can, but when they're in boats, they get as close to the bank as they can???
Great hub, Candie...Tom'll like this one, lol...
Crap, I did it again--sorry, candie, I posted on Tom's ID, geesh....
Tom - Dang it, Johnny had his finger on the button first! Remind me to go on a game show with you! Fishing..awe the passion of my youth.. we'd hurry up to get out there and sit for hours. The fish are never where you're sitting or standing..they know!!! Many hugs brudda!
Tam - what? what? not on Tom's Id? That's a crime in several states, punished by having to read his hubs again! OMG - are you HIS Tammy? I never made the connection before! I love you!! (well in a sisterly sorta way ya know)Wish I lived a little closer to you guys!
Where was this at 3 this morning?
The first question is the best one!!!!!
LM - I was trying to think of something to post at 2:45 and got nothing.. Sorry, I shall endeavor to ESP a little more thoroughly!
Well you noticed I didn't produce squat, either. It was fun while it lasted, though.
LM you are recovering! How's it going regrowing skin? Hey you could hub on that! I'm just the 'idea' girl!
Candie--yeah, I'm his Tammy, haha...I didn't use my whole name for an ID--guess I should have! And thank for the sisterly love, lol
We both sign in on the same computer, both different browsers, and sometimes I forget to switch over to mine before I post...Tom's been guilty of posting from mine before, too-maybe one of these days we'll start signing off when we're not on, and then we won't have that problem-haha!
Well I say "share and share alike" except for toothbrushes and razors.. I forget what's it like to be married. My son and I share his computer and he always logs off so I don't (errr.. accidentally) see his stuff.
lol--Well, I don't have to worry about razors, since Tom has a beard, haha, but we usually manage to use our own toothbrushes!
Sharing the computer's not bad--he's on it at night mostly, and I have it in the mornings, and we take turns in between times. Don't know if he'll be on much tonight, though, poor guy's not feeling so hot...but, knowing him, he'll try to put a little time in, lol.
As long as he's back to his old self soon. Give him a hug for me!
One time gloves! what are they now?
Very funny candie, I started singing too lol
Candie..This is really funny, i loved it and it couldn't have come at a better time.. thanks... lol...i'm now humming the alphabet song for the rest of the day..oh well, better than singin the blues!
I forgot to mention...my favorite one was about what disease the cured ham had...for some reason, that just cracked me up, lol....
Great, now I've got the Alphabet song and Twinkle playing simultaneously in my head... "A B C D E F G, how I wonder where you are.." It doesn't even rhyme! Make it stop! ;D
You missed 'Why do doctors and lawyers only ever practice'?
Great hub anyway! ROTFL! ;D
I got the email with all of these questions. But here's a couple others:
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it called taking a dump when you are leaving it? :)
dont let my cuz from LA read this
he smokes weed and this will hurt his brain
LMAO candie--the extra penny is inflation, what about a pair of pants?? its just one...
Regrowing skin, Candie?....hmmm. I guess I just haven't given it that much thought. It itches like nobody's business, though!
You guys are a hoot..why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?? Everybody sing along with me...ahem.. A..B..C..D..E.. hmmhmm! Thank you all for your comments!
What a weird and wonderful world we live in I will have to go and ponder some now, another excellent hub
Maggs thanks. I smile everytime I see your name!
Hahaha, why indeed?
FP!! This hub's been marked duplicate, tho I've not seen anything before, I sent the "powers" an email to clarify so I can change it if need be.. grrr Hey do you know when the hub contest ends?
What? How can it be a duplicate - there can only be one Candie asking these all-important questions! Silly people!
I should think the challenge is just about ending - I've even switched on my email notifications again - missed too many hubs over the past month!
SIGH!! I want it done!! Well thank you, but someone out there has something..tho I know I had it first, this was on my facebook for over a year.. well who knows, or cares about lower hub scores? Not me!
Many hugs FP!
Well I know what I'll be thinking about today! Well, that, and wondering if the refrigerator light is really off when the door is closed. Nice post, some great laughs to help get the morning going!
Thank you Nutuba! I'm always glad to help by starting your day laughing!
You might wanna be careful. I saw these same questions on one of those forwarded emails that everyone gets. I also saw some of them on a website a long time ago, but I can't remember what it was.
I know, it's been tagged having duplicate stuff. I send in an email to them for info, so far they've let me keep it.. we'll see.. Not every body reads everything out here, so this is for those that have missed it.. Thanks Jacobt2!
No problem
:)
So you share a computer with your son....do you have to log off so he doesn't have to see your stuff????
No, he's good with it all..I do shut it all down tho. He couldn't care less..he's like that (Mom I just don't want to know, and if you don't want the neighbors to know, shut the window)..Been waiting for you to show up..gotta live in 25 min.....
Working...will talk to you later.
looking forward to it!!! ooh! left a message for you on the hubber fam reunion
Well done Candie Riding Hood. Great Hub... Great Minds. Keep the Hamster running on your treadmill. Thanks for an entertaining hub.
Great hub Candie, had me cackling!
Hey Pearldiver! I've got all the hamsters working at full speed!! Thanks!!
Cindy - cackling? LOL..A sound to behold! You're a hoot! Anything to provide you with a way to get away from your chaos!
Wow some mind you have there, great hub....
Not mine, but I like this : "if you mate a bull dog witth a shitzu are the puppies bullshits ? "
Brenda, Thank you (tho I can't really take all the credit). It was fun to publish!
Iph! long time! Yes, they are, little ones! LOL!
This Hub brought a broad smile to my face tonight. Thank you.
I always wondered, now that everything is low fat, no fat, reduced fat—where did all the fat go? I mean, is it in a big underground vat like spent fuel rods or something? It must be dangerous.
LOL James.. That is something to ponder.. a bunch of 55 gal drums of fat being stored for warfare.. maybe that's the answer to the global war issue..maybe if we went back to catapults/trebuchets we could fling fat at each other!
That would be truly hilarious! You're funny.
Rancid fat would certainly limit the length of the war, yes? Geez, can ya picture it? Ewwwww. "Captain!! Pvt. Watkins' been hit!" "Get him into the shower and back on the line!"
They are excellent Candie I could not have said it better :)
BP, I shall endevor to dig up some more.. we needed a break from the hub siege! thank you!
They are some of the best questions I have heard that is for sure ROFL. They got me 'a thinkin' x0
I am particularly fond of the first two.. just how important do you have to be? And is it shoplifting?? Thank you for laughing with me!
Please...dig-up more! These are all hilarious. There is much to contemplate over...or ponder...on these questions. The Professor...Goofy...Wil E. Coyote...toasters...and hearses in the carpool lane...HHHMMM...much to ponder! Only a great wise one could help us to ponder such things. You write...much humor...Candie V!
Many thanks MPM.. I just pass the great ones along for all to enjoy! Thank you!
Candie, Great questions and I do have to say that I have been sitting here laughing at the questions as they certainly are puzzling aren't they? I did sing the songs and they did sound the same lolololo :D
AE! Yes, they are the same, it took me 2 days to get that tune out of my head!!
But I like the first two the best.. so is it shoplifting? LOL! Perhaps!
I'm going to be thinking hard on all this?! As if AEvans trivia questions are not hard enough?!
Where ya been May?? I have missed you terribly!! Mine are for humming and giggling..no stress!! Hugs!!!
OMG tooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool!!!!!! And, YES I did sing the alphabet song and can't believe I never realized that....come on, I am almost a senior citizen....lol ...... as I read I kept thinking, "that's my favorite, nope that's my favorite"..... I have to tell you, it's just what I needed this very moment, as my eyes are droopy, but I still can't sleep.....it gave me a good laugh and I will definitely have to share those with some of my buds (if it's ok with you) I'm going to link it to my facebook :-) Freakin' great hub!!!!
MFG- link away.. something tells me I'm going to be seeing it again soon?! LOL.. When I saw your name on my email, I looked at the time and thought.. Hmm she must not be able to get to sleep..LOL.. You didn't know the songs were the same??? Way too funny! Glad you got a late-night giggle in!! Now climb into bed and bury your cold toes in your hubbys.....(?) and wake him up to keep you company.. it's only fair!!
haha okay this is great because my dad sent out a couple of these to my entire family over text a few months ago and I told him the prostitute one. his were:
If a midgit with downsyndrom is late for an appointment is it okay to say he's a little-tardy?
If you see an amputee being hung is it wrong to shout out letters? (think hang-man)
candie
My, the things you ask! But they made me laugh just the same. That said, I think I have the answer to the "in the movie" "on TV" conundrum. Well, the context with which you used them is wrong. "on TV" should be in context with "on the silver screen" while "in the movie" is in synch with "in the TV program". Nevermind, I think I pondered too seriously! LOL Thanks for sharing :D
Aw, now you've got me thinkin' and that's dangerous! Especially so early in the morning. I'd rather not have a thought till at least noon! Great stuff. Thanks for the laugh.
Amy, you know I love your dad!! I love you more every day!
Cris - it's best to not overload.. IMHO.. Would love a chance to meet you one day! Many hugs to start your day!!
JS - I shall put up a warning sign.. "do not approach till you've had 4 cups of coffee" on my next one! Thank you!
And I thought that I am your fan already ... but figure out that you stopped writing hubs after I became yer fan... Jeez, am sounding drunk ... I m running high on fever and sayin' stupid stuff on ppl's hubs so don't mind funny one , ok?
Even admist my feverish stupor I loved the hub! :D Made me do a gesture similar to a mixture of a cough and a grin!
Nazish! Welcome my smiley faced friend! I shall cut you some slack on account of you being so great! Take somemore cough medicine and visit again..don't wait till you're well!
This is one funny Hub! Here are a couple of questions I have:
Why do stores advertise sales through which we can save money when they really want us to spend money?
Is it pornography for a store to advertise that lingerie is half-off?
LoL Tom! Love the porn/lingerie one! Thank you!
Interesting thoughts!
Cashmere, just a few little things to mull over when there's a quiet moment! Thank you for stopping by!! Hugs!!
Honest----- I didn't read this before I did mine!!!! Treasured Pasts
This was probably the funniest thing I have read in a while. You can really raise spirits with your humor. I am still pondering the bra and panty thing, that just doesn't make much since.
hub hugs
dori
LOL! I was just commenting on one of your hubs noticing you were on chat but not chatting! We are ships passing! You really needed a chuckle today D, glad I could help! Hub hugs back to you!
Alright, I was going to respond to each question..but I keep hitting the wrong mouse button.
So maybe it's just not meant to be today. ;)
Hack, are you trying to sweep me off my feet? Cuz it's working! LOL!
Dogs and wind in their faces...so true! LOL
LOL Peggy! It is isn't it!
Hi Candie... I just had to come to answer one of your Qs.
The Answer is Yes! How are you? Hope you are well and not thinking too much! lol Take care.
PD - Oh my gosh~ The answer is 'Yes'? How did I miss it? I guess my (what my father calls) "keen perception of the obvious" has gone on vacation.. I am well and adore you for stopping in to say hello!
C.Ferreira says:
6 months ago
"Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?"
Well...people usually don't want other's opinions unless they ask for it, so you're 'two cents' are really only worth a penny to other people!
I have no clue really....these are funny!