Kids. Gotta love 'em.

The problem with parenting is that when you get it figured out, you're out of a job. Unless you have grandkids, and that brings up another whole set of issues, challenges and sometimes problems. The family profile has changed. Parents often don't marry each other, or don't stay together long when they do. Before you know it, you're losing your mind. Stressed, worried, mad, and broken both monetarily and emotionally.

Kids come into the world without an instruction book. Or, so we say. But, actually, there is a lot of parenting information, INCLUDING instruction books. However, most parents don't even read a paragraph, unless it's how to choose a name.

Many young expectant mothers don't have a clue about pre-natal care. We think "animals do it, it'll all come naturally." But, it doesn't. Far too many young mothers know little or nothing about raising kids until all of a sudden, they've given birth. More important than the color of the nursery, more important than even the child's name (unless you're considering a boy named "Sue") is the development of a parenting plan.

Here are some parenting issues to think about:

1. How are you going to parent your child as an infant?
2. What do you know about infant's need for holding, rocking, formula, immunizations, and safe sleeping positions?
3. How are you going to handle your child's nutritional needs?
4. How are you going to handle differing opinions about child behavior with the other parent?
5. What support do you have when you're sick, out of money, or too tired?
6. What are your values and standards for yourself and children?
7. What will they watch on tv, what music do you support?
8. What comes out of your mouth? Is it going to be ok to curse around your toddler? Does it matter to you?
9. Do you drink alcohol, and if so, how will it affect your child?
10. Do you smoke in the home and car, and if so, does it affect the safety of your child?
11. What rules do you live by, and how do you handle compromises?
12. What is your position on spanking?
13. What is your temperament?

The joy of parenting is almost indescribable, but so is the misery when it comes. And, it will. If we don't take a moment to look and think ahead, we can make some serious mistakes and problems can worsen. Kids will misbehave, they will get sick, and teens will be uncooperative, rebellious, maybe even violent.

What's a parent to do?

Be prepared. Read. Seek out parenting videos from the local library. Look for solid parenting help online. Keep a journal. Ask questions from other parents you know. Ask a grandmother. If you don't have the support of family, can you build a circle of healthy influence from your church, neighbors, school, relatives, friends?

I am a firm believer in teaching our young children while in school how to build healthy life skills. It's never too early to teach kids how to resolve anger and conflict. They could learn about family structure in our changing world; how to accept differences, how to handle their own tempers. They need to know how to ask for help and that it's ok not to be just like everybody else.

Many children experience violence in the home due to parental abuse, or parents abusing each other. Domestic violence is on the rise and it affects our kids tremendously. Most elementary aged children have friends who come from single parent families, or are in foster care. Way too many children experience sexual abuse by a parent or relative before they are 9 years old.

I remember a young girl in our small town, where my husband was Assistant Chief of Police. For many years, she suffered sexual abuse from her step-father. When she finally told someone who told someone, her family and the town rejected her claim because he was an "upstanding member" of the community and "they didn't do things like that." Her step-father became "Man of the Year." As a foster parent, I cringed. Evidence didn't surface and secrets remained just that. But, we knew.

No police or school official could do anything to stop it, because the mother and step-father controlled the flow of information from the child. Years later, the now teen-aged girl made enough noise and a teacher called child welfare who stepped in. The marriage split, mother finally choosing daughter over husband, but it was too late. Domestic violence and sexual abuse had taken their toll over the years, with disastrous life-long results.

While teaching, I saw many kids in pain and causing pain for others. Even though the teachers are in loco parentis, meaning: "in place of parent", the school system looked the other way, instead of teaching them how to handle simple, everyday personal situations. I believe, if we had a life-skilled program that had at its core the purpose of teaching kids the basics of right and wrong, how to value their bodies, how to get help, how to resolve conflict, how to become productive and law-abiding adults, as well as how to vote to express their opinions, our world would be a more joyous one.

Families would be stronger, mothers and fathers would have a parenting plan and philosophy, and even be aware of how to avoid pregnancy if they were not yet ready to be a parent.

We might think it's not the schools responsibility. The need of kids is great, and families benefit when the schools share the burden. In Hilary Clinton's book "It Takes A Village To Raise A Child" she discusses the influence of all who interact with a child. Neighbors, co-workers, libraries, clubs and organizations all play a part in building stronger communties, who would have no strength if the kids and families fall apart.

If you already have a child, and are experiencing problems with tempers, whether it's yours or theirs or both, it's not too late. It may be hard, but start today. Make a list of what you want to see in your home and in your child, and begin to chip away at the problem.

Here are a few good places to start:

1. Think of your daily home routine. List what's good and what needs to change.
2. Clean up. Clutter affects attitudes and behavior. Start small, but start. Do something everyday until everything is in order.
3. If you have a teen you are worried about, spend more time with them. They may resist, but do it. Listen, supervise by just "being where they are."
4. Play together. Be creative, keep it simeple, but find a way.
5. Go to the library and look at parenting books. Check out at least 2 and read them again and again. Put 1 new change in place per month, keeping in mind that new habits take at least 3 weeks to form, and even then they are fragile.
6. Keep home conversation pleasant.
7. If alcohol is an issue, don't buy it, get rid of it. Stop.
8. Fing a support group: churches, clubs, service organizations.
9. Keep the kids busy.
10. Establish some free time so that the kids just relax.
11. You relax, some everyday. Turn on relaxing music that is not blaring, just to show your kids it can be soothing. An hour or so of no tv, just reading and listening, a quiet time, is so essential to good moods.
12. Keep your adult problems away from the kids. Explain family budgets in short terms, and encourage older kids to work parttime.
13. Let the kids observe you doing things for others and involve all of the kids in the family.
14. Set limits, but keep them reasonable.
15. Don't let your limits be without flexibility. Rigid rules for rules sake only build resentment.

Try, try again, but if something is totally not working, make a change.

Last, but not least, become active in school board meetings and let your school know you want them to help families out by teaching life skills to the kids.  It works.