I find it increasingly more difficult to raise children in today's fast paced social environment. Peer pressure has always reared it's ugly face amongst teens, I just happen to have a front row seat to observing how early it really happens "these days". I am still in my late twenties, which in my opnion gives me an advantage to relating to my "tweens" situations. I constantly remind him that it wasn't so long ago, I too faced the pressures of being "cool".

From the pre-pubesent body odor, the angry tanturms, the crying tantrums, the need for a myspace account and the hunger for social acceptance there is no lack of evidence of an ever present pre-teen in my house. My oldest is 10 years old, turning 18, did I say 18? I meant, turning 11 in June! I have stood back over the past couple of years watching this social soire' escalate. I will admit my mistakes and offer suggestions amongst taking stabs at local public school systems.

It really started last year in fourth grade, there was a "dance". Yes, that's right, fourth graders are allowed and invited to go to a dance amongst middle schoolers raging hormones! Do I want my child learning about relationships from 15 year olds in a dark gym.........I think not! My child was enrolled in the after school program; due to America's rising cost of living, both parents in most homes have to work a full time job. I strictly instructed my child after much begging and pleading that I would not allow him to go to the dance because he was simply to young. What to my surprise when my husband goes to pick up our son from after school care, he is not there. Not a soul at afterschool care knows where he is! My husband calls me, I knew where he was! Was the breech of breaking parental trust really coming at 9 years old, I was devestated! He was at that dance; borrowed the entry fee (yes the school charges them to be socially acceptable) and pranced right into the dark gym my husband had to push through to find him. Now this is a hub in itself, this story, it's not my point. My point is that the schools use the expense of our childrens abilbity to remain children past 9 years old to raise money for God knows what! The school in my opinion has endorsed the importance of being social and having a date for a dance as young as 9 year old fourth graders. Are you sick yet?

Fifth grade has been one big ugly monster in itself, I'm so thankful it's almost over so maybe I can hide my son out and cleanse him over the summer! We are pretty strict parents, way more strict than what I grew up. It probably stems from the fact that my husband and I were both quite the wild child in our teens.

Most of his friends have a cell phone, which I constantly cringe over. Your allowed to discriminate, but my child does not have a need for a cell phone. The begging has been endless, I am consistent in my answer. NO. First, you have no need for one, you are never anywhere without a parent or family member. Second, you have no means to pay for the monthly bill. Three, a cell phone should not be a status symbol. No cell phone means the landline is always kicking. I made the no calling girls rule, I told him he was too young and the dads of the little girls would surely not like it! We allowed him to forego afterschool care this year. He is ten, we live in a small town on the road I grew up on in which family surrounds us. We allow him to ride the bus home and stay home alone for an hour before we get home with strict instructions to call as soon as you get in and lock the door, not go outside, not answer the door or cook anything. So far, so good. He is very responsible, each child is different and each neighborhood is different. I happen to be very blessed in this department. However, our trust has been broken with the no girl calling rule during his powerhour alone. A lovely little lady from our church had caught his eye and she so inclined to give her number out. That did not last long, her mother confronted my son and myself that it was not allowed at her house! A lesson of mother really does know best that my son learned. Although, it did not stick for very long. A good buddy and my son figured out that good buddy could three way girls into the conversation without my son technically calling any girls. Sly these kids are, do you remember those days? Not at 10 years old though right? I let it slide for a couple of days, with him not know I was eavesdropping on the conversations, hoping, praying that through the open, close relationship I had built would bring him to talk to me about it. Yeah....that really doesn't work. Parents, we have to pry into our childrens lives and be involved in everything. Even down to eavesdropping on phone conversations. I should have faced the situation head on as soon as I found it out. I didn't hear the conversation was harmless, so I let it slide. Big mistake. Now it's an anger fest, of well you let me three way call "so-n-so"; yada, yada, the mother really knows best really can't work here. I already messed that up by letting it slide, so now it is an ongoing hissy fit.

We always keep the computer locked down, my advice to all parents. I did allow my son to set up a myspace account because his youth pastor said she would post activities and their weekly verses on there. It was fun, we designed his page, found all the friends in his youth group, a few family members and I really seen no harm in it as long as we didn't post any personal information. I didn't allow my son to know his password in case the opportunity ever arised for him to be online without my supervision. Friends from school started friend requesting him, I would check out their profiles and their friends and say yes or no. Which often caused a ruccus in itself. I should have delted the account right then and there when the altercations came up. I continue to monitor his account while he is present and while he is not. I have deleted a few friends because of the comments and bullentins they have posted with profanity and over PG-13 content. I explain to Tyler very clearly why. It has been a good tool to bring up situations I may not have otherwise been involved in; persay if they were jsut going on at school. It allows me an insight into the way these kids act, talk, and how closely thier parents monitor them. I say the later because I know good and well if half of these children were being monitored while on the computer they wouldn't say they things they say, that gives me the knowledge to know wheter or not I could really trust my child going over to their homes without me. The Myspace account has been good in those aspects, but the regret I have in allowing the account is the permission I gave to my child to be so socially involved. It is not near as bad as the phone deal because we don't always have time to login. He knows I will not log him in and walk off and go about my duties, so this becomes a non-issue really. Consistentsy the key again. If I give in one time, that is all it would take, like I did with the phone situation. The computer is in my room which is off limits in the first place and the computer loggins are password protected to which only my husband and I can access. This is very important for parents to monitor who their children are talking to.

We are trying to raise a Christian family with strong morals and have two really good kids compared to others I have observed. No matter how well you know your kid, you have to know who your kid knows. Two children could be raised in the same home with the same morals and they could vear off two completely different paths because of the people they hang out with, the influences you have in their lives are so substantial. Parents we have to prepare our kids for the real world, because like it our not it is coming to them earlier and earlier with each generation. The computer age has sucked us all in, including myself. That's where I come in, I have to set boundries and limits. Happy Parenting.