create your own

Rare Barbies

83
rate or flag this page

By Patty Inglish, MS


WARNING: These are parody dolls, not widely distributed.

Central Ohio Barbies

These were all emailed to me by a friend with short captions and I added some thoughts. Have you seen any of these Barbies? They begin with the weathy suburbs and work their way into the innermost urban areas of Central Ohio. No offense is meant to any group of people!

The Dublin Barbie

This Barbie is sold only on the square in Dublin or Powell, Ohio. Thsi Barbie comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog, and a large cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck, face lift, and DaVinci Veneers.

Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.


New Albany Barbie

This one is a Yuppie Barbie with a BMW convertible or a Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, a credit card, and a country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.

They are out of your price range.

German Village Barbie and Ken

German Village is a ritzy area just south of downtown Columbus where the bungalows go for $1 million. Many of the weathy gay community have moved to German Village.

The caption I received goes like this: " This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts."

My apologies to the gay community.

Reynoldsburg Barbie

This pale Barbie is dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and a Tweety Bird tattoo. She carries a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate Flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

My apologies to the Confederacy (LOL)

Hilliard Barbie

This is a Homemaker Barbie that comes with a Ford Windstar Minivan and a matching gym outfit to take her kids to soccer practice in -- maybe karate and dance lessons too. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Her traffic jamming cell phone is sold separately.

Hilliard was once the fastest-gowing area in the whole United States. We don't know what happened.

Grove City Barbie

This is getting closer to downtown Columbus, just off to the west side.

This is a tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Grove City Barbie's House. Her ensemble includes the low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Whitehall Barbie

From just east of downtown, this recently-paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills), unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

My apologies to the Mayor of Whitehall, a wonderful lady.

Grandview and Clintonville are what we call "inner suburbs" -- Both are its own town surrounded by the gowing Columbus metropolis. Interestingly, every Saturday morning there is a Farmer's Market on High Street in Clintonville. At the same time, the Republicans and Democrats line up on opposite corners at one intersection with their political placards and yell at one another. Motorists honk in agreement. It truly is free speech at work, though!

Grandview/Clintonville Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She may not need or want a Ken doll. You may purchase two Grandview Barbies and receive an optional Subaru wagon.

Columbus Urban Barbie

This Barbie omes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Additional infant dolls optional.

Rare Barbies in the News

  • Ricki-Lee goes Barbie blondeNews.com.au2 days ago

    RICKI-LEE leaves the dark side, debuting a hot new blonder look, for the launch of new accessories range, Barbie Loves Mimco.

  • Sugar Daddy Ken Doll Spotted on SeekingArrangement.comPRWeb27 hours ago

    How does the new Sugar Daddy Ken doll compare to the real-life sugar daddies of online dating? SeekingArrangement.com - a website for 'mutually beneficial arrangements' - endorses Mattel's new sugar daddy figurine, and announces a giveaway for sugar babies hoping to find a Sugar Daddy Ken of their own. (PRWeb Nov 11, 2009) Read the full story at http://www.prweb.com/releases ...

  • Ricki-Lee leaves the dark sideDaily Telegraph31 hours ago

    HER life's a rollercoaster: she's posed half-naked, had a sad lovers' break-up and now Ricki-Lee Coulter decided blondes do have more fun. Blog: Hot look?

The Barbie House

Barbie and Ken (public domain).
Barbie and Ken (public domain).

Barbie® & The Diamond Castle Princess Liana Doll Barbie® & The Diamond Castle Princess Liana Doll
Price: $14.00
List Price: $29.99
Barbie 2009 Holiday Doll Barbie 2009 Holiday Doll
Price: $35.00
List Price: $39.99
Barbie Glam Vacation House Barbie Glam Vacation House
Price: $34.99
List Price: $34.99
Barbie Glam Convertible Barbie Glam Convertible
Price: $12.99
List Price: $12.99

Comments

RSS for comments on this Hub

firefly07 profile image

firefly07  says:
17 months ago

great hub and great fun. Respect to anyone who can make fun of a cultural icon :)

Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS  says:
17 months ago

Haha - I just read a "Rumpole of the Bailey" story today in which a child was not allowed to have her Barbara-with-the-large-wardrobe dolls. LOL

DaraRai profile image

DaraRai  says:
17 months ago

This is hilarious...:)

rainbow horse profile image

rainbow horse  says:
7 months ago

Such creative fun!

Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS  says:
7 months ago

I'd like to see the lists from other cities around the US. They would be very much fun to see.

Thanks for all the comments.

Submit a Comment

Members and Guests

Sign in or sign up and post using a hubpages account.


optional


  • No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked
  • Comments are not for promoting your hubs or other sites

working