Losing someone you love is the most painful and sorrowful moment in everyone’s life and yes, a traumatic experience which you can’t hardly accept. A tremendous experienced which I can’t forget when my father died beside me. This is now the time I’m waiting for to get rid to this worthless person in my life. Recalling back to my young age, I remembered how my father made our lives more miserable. We are five children in the family and I am the second daughter, our eldest sister have run away from home for she can’t afford to stay in these kind of life . Because of her absence the responsibility was transferred to me in taking care for our young brother and sisters at the age of 10, since my mother is working at the restaurant, and she went home late at night. My father is a driver of a private company but his compensation is only good for his leisure . My mother’s compensation is only enough for our day to day necessities. We all goes to a public school although finances were very hard to cope up on the part of our mother but she tried to do everything just to comply the needs of her children. At early age of 10 I’ve learned to work every summer at the restaurant to help my mother. We don’t depend from the support of our father since he only give support if he desired to and only went home if he wants to. And he enjoyed his own life it seems that he has no responsibility being a bachelor. Having witnessed on these scenario in our life, prompted myself to take revenge, I said to myself that when I grow up enough to stand at my own feet, I will let him pay these things. To let him realized how irresponsible he is, and yes, it is very disappointing for having a father someone as stupid as him. To make the story short we’ve grown up that the only provider is our mother. And thanks God I know he guided us and he never left us especially during those times of our sufferings. We’ve all settled down and live separately for we have our respective families. We move at the City where we have our respective job. And since my mother was staying with me, my father is always visiting her everytime I’m out for work. I told her and begging her that if possible I don’t want to see even his shadow. But my mother always insisting me to leave the yesterday behind and forget the past. Learn to forgive because she says God always forgiven to those who ask his forgiveness. She also told me that my father had already admitted his fault and he wants our forgiveness he wants to rejoin us again as one family for he is old enough and ailing. I refused to accept him, neither wants to share one roof towards him. Probably because he thought he has somebody to lean on for he is no longer can afford to fed himself? I really appear to be disagreeable but my husband insisted to let my father stay with us even for the last moment of his life. And he also told me to let the memories left behind and move one. So my argument was in vain for nobody listened to me even my own husband. And my agony begun when my father was absolutely stayed with us. The relationship at our house is very strange to me and my father. When I am at home and have no work I kept staying at our room avoiding my father and I did not join them at the table if I learned that my father is joining with us. And if I happened to be in the table eating with my kids, my father will not also join us in the table to avoid that I will be back out. There are so many instances that he happened to join us in the table but I always avoiding him. l know he tried to his best to show us he was indeed regret for what he has done to us. I told myself it’s too late for him to act that way as if he became father to us? No way, in any way I cannot forgive him. I can’t accept the fact that I will swallow what I’ve been promised to take revenge. Not until one incident that ever change my whole life, my father was suddenly collapsed while watching TV, immediately thereafter me and my husband rushed him to the hospital. While we are on board at the taxi I was trembling by a great nervous can’t be able to know what to do. Tears coming from my eyes, praying God to help my father while holding his head. He looked at me and smile wiping my tears away. And as the taxi go along the way. I can feel that his body was getting heavier until we reached the hospital but he was declared dead on arrival. Can’t believed what I’ve heard I feel that my whole body was trembled down and all I have recalled that I have been carried by my husband. After a few more minutes I only woke up with an oxygen in my nostrils, again I begun to cry. Did I won the battle over my father? I told myself earlier and I keep on repeating to myself that I will not waste any tears on him. But what is the matter with me, I felt a great sorrow, yes I admit, I felt the pain deep within my heart, feeling guilty I supposed. Guilty because I did not gave him a chance to proved that he had changed to a better person ready to admit his fault. But I neglected to noice it because I was blinded by my own anger and revenged for what he had done to us. If only I could bring back the past that I have given him a chance to listen perhaps he can show me how much he loved me as I lone it for so many years. If only I could examined myself before its too late, I swear to God I love my father and now I realized how important he is, for I awed him my life but sad to say I losed him. Having gone through my own experience I realized that I did won this battle instead I gained lose, probably because I hold on the bad memories that keep on haunting me. No one is to be blame but my own self. I keep hurting myself without reason and it only add my burden thinking the past since all those memories was already left behind. Now I've realized that keeping those bad memories in my heart is only to hurt me more and I have to let go to those bad memories  so that I can embrace fact that I have to move on. I know it's hard but I'll try my best to let those memories gone as I go along the journey of life. I came to realized that all those years I was blinded by the a great anger and revenge and never to realized that God had given me a wonderful gift that through my parents, THE GIFT OF LIFE AND THE GIFT OF NATURE. Thank you God for all those wonderful gift.