Rebuilding Trust in a Marriage
81Rebuilding Trust after an Affair
Tips on Rebuilding Trust within the Marriage
You felt that your life has suddenly become like a movie-complete with the drama and the emotional difficulties accompanying the aftermath of an affair. It seems like an unreal nightmare. When the dust settles, and the two of you decide the marriage is worth saving, steps will need to be taken to rebuild the relationship. Besides committing to doing your best to preserve it, what can you do to make the love between you grow again? Here are some tips that you can follow in rebuilding trust, and ultimately, rebuilding your marriage.
-Resolve to let go of the past. You have gone through the pains of digging through the events of the affair. Quit making museum trips and resolve to live in the present. Rather, both of you needs to work things out to make things better. If you keep on bringing up the past, you will end up discouraging the efforts of your spouse to work out your marriage and make things better.
-Have fun with each other. Many times the couple has forgotten how to have fun. When two people do not enjoy each others company, it makes it difficult to work together, much less trust each other.
-Do some new things with each other. Many times, there is a special openness in relationships when couples do things for the first time. When both of you do something that neither one of you has done before, then neither one has the edge. With it being a new experience, that neither of you has done before, it creates a ‘primacy experience’. Such first time experiences tend to stick with us.
-Spend spiritual time with each other. In the aftermath of an affair, each of you needs healing. The relationship needs healing. When there is a spiritual oneness, then emotional oneness is easier to accomplish. Try to find common spiritual ground. Pray together, go to a religious site together, read spiritual material together. These things can serve to unite the two of you on a level that was not there before. You need a common goal, and such actions can provide it.
-Value each other’s secrets. Even when you are mad, do not share the secrets your spouse has shared with you. When they realize that you may be upset with them, yet you value their confidences, it provides a place to start rebuilding trust.
-Spend time with each other. It is hard to rebuild trust if you do not spend time with each other. Couples need to spend time talking and just being with each other. Often, they isolate themselves from the very people that they need in their lives.
-Make room for your spouse. During the rebuilding, there is often some uncertainty concerning where the relationship stands. It will be important to make your message clear and unambiguous. In the event you want them back, make room for them. Make space in your schedule for them and make space in the home for them as well. No one wants to feel useless or unwanted.
-Forgive and Forget. It is never easy to ask for forgiveness. The guilt and shame can easily blow you away. Pride can also get in the way. If asking forgiveness is difficult, how much more is the act of forgiving? Yet, forgiveness is important if both of you want to rebuild your marriage.
These tips are simple enough yet will require commitment from both of you. It takes two to tango, after all; and marriage is a difficult tango to dance. If you have ever danced the tango, you also know that the longer your practice it with your partner, the better you get at it.
Resources for rebuilding your marriage
- The Affair Recovery System
Your marriage does not have to end due to an affair. If you want to save your marriage, you can access powerful tools that will help you recover from what happened and begin turning your marriage around. - Marriage Counseling
Help is only a click away. You do not have to keep on hurting after the devastation of an affair. Evening hours and telephone access make help closer than before. - Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair?
Is your marriage worth saving? Do you want to know what steps you can take to salvage what has been damaged? You can begin transforming your marriage today. - Forgiveness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
- Forgiveness Quotes | Forgiveness Quotations | Forgiveness Sayings ...
- Forgiveness, Psychology, and Mental Health
- CrossRoads Counseling of the Rockies
Spritual Resources for Couples
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A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage
Price: $7.98
List Price: $17.00 |
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Ordinary People, ExtraOrdinary Marriages: Reclaiming God's Design for Oneness
Price: $3.96
List Price: $12.95 |
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Angry Without a Cause (Christian Anger Management Book / Mens-Ladies Bible Study / Biblical Anger Book / Marriage, Parenting, and Christian Counseling) (A Thought-Provoking Look at God's view of Anger)
Price: $19.95
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Creating a Successful Christian Marriage
Price: $24.20
List Price: $39.99 |
Resources for rebuilding marriages
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The DNA of Relationships (Smalley Franchise Products)
Price: $9.03
List Price: $14.99 |
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From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage
Price: $13.75
List Price: $22.99 |
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If Only He Knew: What No Woman Can Resist
Price: $2.44
List Price: $5.99 |
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For Better or for Best
Price: $2.47
List Price: $5.99 |
Blog on Overcoming Affairs
- Can my marriage be saved?
The emotion filled question “Can my marriage be saved?” is often asked by hurting spouses. My response to their question ranges from heartbroken pain to being appalled. The question is one that seeks for validation and hope regarding their relationship. It is as if those hurting couples are wanting the counselor to give them permission [...] - 16 hours ago
- Evil Mother-in-Laws
Not all Mother-in-Laws are evil. Some are very wonderful people who are filled with love, hope and encouragement. Although not all are evil, some are. I have to address the topic since a Mother-in-Law is in a unique position to encourage or devastate a marriage. I have encountered some MIL who keep photos of their [...] - 2 days ago
- Held hostage by secrets
Cassie was excitedly getting ready for a days outing with her sister Tammy. They often did things together. When Cassie arrived for the swim party, she was shocked. Tammy was there with another man, who was not her husband. Tammy quickly approached her sister and swore her to secrecy concerning this little ‘get together’ and [...] - 10 days ago
- Trauma and affairs
When people have suffered traumas, especially sexual traumas, there are some potential risks regarding affairs. Depending on the intensity of the trauma, they may find themselves unable to say “no” or set firm boundaries in response to predators. In such cases, they often want to say no, yet the conditioning associated with the trauma make [...] - 2 weeks ago
- “What are you here for?”
Gary and Jennifer were having problems. A discovered affair now has their marriage in a precarious place. Over the years they drifted apart and now they were face to face with their worst fears. in response, they decided to see a counselor. After the initial introductions, the counselor posed the question “What are you here [...] - 2 weeks ago
- Halloween Love
The time of year associated with Halloween is connected with threats and tricks. The public often visit haunted houses and events that produce sensations of fear or surprise. There are times that those frightened scream and run off. Fear, fright, and surprise are part of the package that goes with Halloween. Sadly, there are some [...] - 2 weeks ago
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Comments
Evan Angel,
The failure to recognize the spiritual side of relationships is one of the main contributing factors to affairs. If the spiritual oneness is taken care of, couples would pick up signals of distance and seperation WAY before an affair occurs. When the oneness is there, the likelihood of an affair is lessened significantly. Thanks for your encouraging words.
Thumbs up to you JD. Great article and very informative tips. :)
Drop by at my hub when you get some time.
Beth,
Thanks for your kind words. Encouraging each other in building strong marriages helps all of us.
thank u for your info on rebuilding my relationship
if any other things come up please email me at petey12watts@yahoo.com
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Evan Angel says:
15 months ago
Hi JD,
Excellent article and advice on restoring a marriage after an affair. I agree with what you said about spending spiritual time with one another. Too many people fail to realize that marriage is a spirtual union as well as an emotional and legal one.
Evan