Rebuilding Marriage: Tips for the One Who Broke Trust
77
Rebuilding Marriage: Tips for the One Who Broke Trust
Intellectually, we might all agree that having an affair is not a good thing to do. It is costly—financially, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Yet people still do it from time to time.
Many factors need to be considered when an affair has been committed. In fact, you may even be as surprised as your spouse when you learned that you already have a full-blown affair. The intense emotions aroused in an affair have a way of blinding people to what is actually occurring. You love your partner but you suddenly found yourself into a situation that could potentially harm yourself, your family and your reputation. There are the feelings of shame, excitement, disappointment, anger, regret and helplessness all at the same time.
You confessed and you were forgiven. Although you feel relieved, there are still problems. You notice that things are not the same. You have broken your partner’s trust and it will take time for you to earn such trust again. Although you are doing what you know to be the right things, it never seems to be enough. A mistake in judgment occurred, you confessed and are now confused because things have not gone back to the way they were before. You may be wrestling with guilt and shame concerning the affair and its aftermath. Now is the time to take concrete actions to rebuild your marriage and re-earn your partner’s trust.
Action Items You Can do Now to Rebuild Trust
Show your spouse that you have changed. They will be looking for signs of it. They know that talk is cheap, so they are looking for action.
Be willing to hear them out. Listen to what they say and the feelings behind it WITHOUT interrupting or correcting them. Hear them out before you speak up.
Small things such as letting him or her know where you are and what your plans are will help him know you are sincere.
Be honest with them, both factually and emotionally. When being honest, do so out of love and not out of vindictiveness.
Be consistent in your efforts. They want someone they can depend on. Showing them that you can be depended on goes a long way to improving the trust.
Spend some time with the children. Fulfill your husbandly or wifely responsibilities.
Spend time with them. Let them be able to cry with you, without you interrupting them.
Be willing to go places and do things that are important to them.
Whenever you say or promise anything, make sure that you deliver. Deliver the promises to both the children and your spouse.
These small acts of kindness are a way to begin the transformation. They have an additive effect and will multiply. This will start a firm rebuilding of the trust that was lost.
Resources to help rebuild your marriage
- The Affair Recovery System
Is your marriage worth saving? Are you willing to do something about saving it? Are you willing to take action NOW? Find out what to do and what not to do in order to survive an affair. - Marriage Counseling
When you decide to work on your marriage, you can contact the author about the availability of counseling. Limited slots available. - Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair?
If your want your marriage to survive an affair rather than be another statistic, you can take steps to change that. - Survive Your Partner's Affair @ Facebook
- Counseling Services for the Texas Hill Country
- Best Remedies for a Shaky Marriage
- Save My Marriage
- Marriage Builders® Radio
PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
betherckson,
Thank you for stopping by. Trust is definitely an essential.
need more help, had an affair, she knew about it, came clean but am running or going mad with every day interogation
The "interrogation" is a difficult part of the aftermath. You may have to tell her the truth several times before it sinks in. Many times the denial and shock makes it difficult for the one listening to actually 'hear' what you are telling them.
Up to date blog postings on repairing your marriage
- Held hostage by secrets
Cassie was excitedly getting ready for a days outing with her sister Tammy. They often did things together. When Cassie arrived for the swim party, she was shocked. Tammy was there with another man, who was not her husband. Tammy quickly approached her sister and swore her to secrecy concerning this little ‘get together’ and [...] - 8 days ago
- Trauma and affairs
When people have suffered traumas, especially sexual traumas, there are some potential risks regarding affairs. Depending on the intensity of the trauma, they may find themselves unable to say “no” or set firm boundaries in response to predators. In such cases, they often want to say no, yet the conditioning associated with the trauma make [...] - 9 days ago
- “What are you here for?”
Gary and Jennifer were having problems. A discovered affair now has their marriage in a precarious place. Over the years they drifted apart and now they were face to face with their worst fears. in response, they decided to see a counselor. After the initial introductions, the counselor posed the question “What are you here [...] - 2 weeks ago
Marriage Repair Books
|
Post-affair Recovery (Biblical Solutions)
Price: $15.00
|
|
|
Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage
Price: $3.08
List Price: $10.99 |
|
|
Counselling in the Pastoral and Spiritual Context (Counselling in Context)
Price: $33.37
List Price: $41.95 |
More Marriage Repair Resources
|
Blueprints for a Solid Marriage: Build/Repair/Remodel (Focus on the Family Resources)
Price: $4.95
List Price: $19.99 |
|
When Your Marriage Needs Repair: A No-Nonsense Tool for Restoring Your Marriage (Your Pocket Therapist Series)
Price: $0.09
List Price: $4.99 |
|
The Marriage Workbook: Preparation, Maintenance, Repair
Price: $24.95
|
|
The Marriage Maintenance and Repair Manual
Price: $14.99
List Price: $14.99 |











betherickson says:
14 months ago
Very informative tips you have. I agree of what you said here. Trust will be too long to come back and this is the part that our faith will be tested. Great hub. I'm giving you a thumbs up. :)
Drop by at my hubs whe you have time.