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Rebuilding Marriage: Tips for the One Who Broke Trust

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By J D Murrah


Repairing your marriage requires teamwork.
Repairing your marriage requires teamwork.

Rebuilding Marriage: Tips for the One Who Broke Trust

Intellectually, we might all agree that having an affair is not a good thing to do. It is costly—financially, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Yet people still do it from time to time.

Many factors need to be considered when an affair has been committed. In fact, you may even be as surprised as your spouse when you learned that you already have a full-blown affair. The intense emotions aroused in an affair have a way of blinding people to what is actually occurring. You love your partner but you suddenly found yourself into a situation that could potentially harm yourself, your family and your reputation. There are the feelings of shame, excitement, disappointment, anger, regret and helplessness all at the same time.

You confessed and you were forgiven. Although you feel relieved, there are still problems. You notice that things are not the same. You have broken your partner’s trust and it will take time for you to earn such trust again. Although you are doing what you know to be the right things, it never seems to be enough. A mistake in judgment occurred, you confessed and are now confused because things have not gone back to the way they were before. You may be wrestling with guilt and shame concerning the affair and its aftermath. Now is the time to take concrete actions to rebuild your marriage and re-earn your partner’s trust.


Even when the going gets rocky, it is important to persevere.
Even when the going gets rocky, it is important to persevere.

Action Items You Can do Now to Rebuild Trust

Show your spouse that you have changed. They will be looking for signs of it. They know that talk is cheap, so they are looking for action.

Be willing to hear them out. Listen to what they say and the feelings behind it WITHOUT interrupting or correcting them. Hear them out before you speak up.

Small things such as letting him or her know where you are and what your plans are will help him know you are sincere.

Be honest with them, both factually and emotionally. When being honest, do so out of love and not out of vindictiveness.

Be consistent in your efforts. They want someone they can depend on. Showing them that you can be depended on goes a long way to improving the trust.

Spend some time with the children. Fulfill your husbandly or wifely responsibilities.

Spend time with them. Let them be able to cry with you, without you interrupting them.

Be willing to go places and do things that are important to them.

Whenever you say or promise anything, make sure that you deliver. Deliver the promises to both the children and your spouse.

These small acts of kindness are a way to begin the transformation. They have an additive effect and will multiply. This will start a firm rebuilding of the trust that was lost.


Children and Affairs: 21 Ways to Help Your Child Deal with the Trauma of an Affair
Children and Affairs: 21 Ways to Help Your Child Deal with the Trauma of an Affair

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betherickson profile image

betherickson  says:
14 months ago

Very informative tips you have. I agree of what you said here. Trust will be too long to come back and this is the part that our faith will be tested. Great hub. I'm giving you a thumbs up. :)

Drop by at my hubs whe you have time.

J D Murrah profile image

J D Murrah  says:
14 months ago

betherckson,

Thank you for stopping by. Trust is definitely an essential.

Dennis Hunce  says:
13 months ago

need more help, had an affair, she knew about it, came clean but am running or going mad with every day interogation

J D Murrah profile image

J D Murrah  says:
13 months ago

The "interrogation" is a difficult part of the aftermath. You may have to tell her the truth several times before it sinks in. Many times the denial and shock makes it difficult for the one listening to actually 'hear' what you are telling them.

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