Ok, I know I chose a funny title. Its ok though, we can all work with this. Its just a title right? The important thing here is that I'm going to introduce everyone to an incredible type of chowmein that is so unique few have ever had it. Its so good that nothing can possibly compare to it in asian cuisine and I'm not just saying that because I was raised on the stuff. There is a place in Massachusetts called Fall River. It has a nice name and at one time was a nicer area. The good thing is they still make this chicken chowmein there and it will blow your mind!! What is chicken chow mein you ask? It's a blend of special broth with soybeans, chicken, and celery that is poured over a bed of crispy noodles and a buttered roll that lays open on the plate. The open faced sandwich that I am about to teach you to make became popular in this fine area in the 20's and 30's. One of the reasons that it was so popular was because it was cheap to make. Then, like now, the country was in a recession. People couldn't afford to go out and eat but if you wanted a chinese chicken chowmein sandwich you still could. (Try saying that 5 times fast) You see, a kid could go get an ice cream with his friends for the same price as this delicacy I'm speaking to you about. But he'd have to stand outside in the sun. Instead, many of these underprivilaged kids decided it was better to go to a chinese restaurant, sit in a booth, and for 10 cents get served like a real adult. Standard fare in those days was a round of chow mein sandwiches with orange soda. Ah the good old days. When did things get so complicated. And what the hell is a computer, I'm too busy playing jacks and shooting marbles to figure that out. The important thing to remember here is that this piece of history that was born there is still available. Not only that, but if you google "fall river chow mein" and find a place called "Oriental Chow Mein, Co" you will be able to have the noodles and gravy mix shipped to your house. The last time I was there, there were 3 customers in the place. They were each traveling two hours in opposite directions but each had about two pounds of the stuff made up for the road in tupperware containers. Below I have posted the recipe for chicken chow mein.

What you need

1pkg original hoo-mee chow mein mix

1 cup chopped onion

1 cup chopped celery

1.5 pints of water or soup stock

canned bean sprouts

1 cup cooked chicken shredded

First, you disolve the contents of the gravy package into half a cup of warm water. Then you mix it up and stir in 1.5 pints of water (or soup stock). Throw in the bean sprouts and the celery next taking care that they are stirred in as well.

As this is being done cook chicken seperately and shred it up so it will be ready when the gravy is done cooking. When this too is finished, add it into the mix.

Before you do anything else, it is of great importance to open up a hamburger bun and butter it on each of the plates where this will be served. Then sprinkle the dry noodles out of the box on this open bun. These noodles are amazingly crunchy and unlike any I have ever seen before. I think that they are a big part of the magic this dish has but a big part may also be the gravy. When the sauce you've been cooking is hot enough, ladle it over the bun and noodles for a quick, cheap and amazing chow mein meal that will blow you away!!

By now, many of you think I have lost it. Others will assume that I never had it to begin with which may be the case. No one can deny however that there are certain childhood tastes that we never forget and that astound us every time we take a bite. Don't believe me, just watch Ratatouille you'll get it. Yes it comes out of a box. If you went to the restaurant you'd get the real deal, but to expect this to happen is unreasonable for me. Who needs to go when you can get the real thing delivered? Do you need the ambiance of a restaurant to eat pizza? I see you eating it right now, looking mighty guilty as your critisize my box recipe!! You gonna share that pie?? You can't hide it behind the laptop I already saw it!!! Laugh all you want at this but if you don't have a bite of this once in your life then your missing out on a truly religious experience. (Ok, that last bit was embellished, but the rest is true!!)

To show you I'm a reasonable guy, I'll let you in on a little secret. Emrille Lagasse knows how to make chicken chow mein from scratch!! Yes, that means the mix so you won't have to order it and he even entitles the recipe "Fall River Chow Mein". You can see that more advanced culinary delight posted in the links below this article. I never made this from scratch but I'm going to try one of these days and see if it holds up. I have no doubt it will. Who am I to say a guy like that can't cook? He was born holding a frying pan and and a whisk for Christ sake. (His poor mom.)