Asking for a reference letter may seem overwhelming and even frightening. In the professional world, these requests are very common and really expected as you progress in your career. You will ask for letters and people will ask you for letters. It is customary and usual and your requests should be granted and even welcomed.

From the people you ask, it will likely bee felt to be a responsibility and an honor to provide you with a good reference letter. Even if you are leaving your job on not-so-good terms, you may still be able to get a reference letter. You probably did something right on the job, but maybe the job is just not for you. Your employer should recognize that and help you move on. Knowing how, when, and whom to ask is important.

Do not ask just anyone in the office, especially a coworker that is unfamiliar with your job duties and your work. Ask a supervisor or your boss. If a person you ask feels uncomfortable about writing a recommendation, it can be awkward for you and them. When you ask, make sure it is someone that will write positive comments. Say something like, “Do you think we have worked closely enough for you to write me a good reference letter?” If you ask someone that you know well for a letter, this should be an easy question and leave him or her with the opportunity to decline as well. A strong letter is better than a mediocre or bad letter.

I asked a coworker and supervisor for a reference letter once and this person wrote the whole letter about herself! I never saw the letter because it went straight to the new employer. Turns out she wanted the job for herself but was not qualified, so the employer simply dismissed it as a freak incident and did not blame me for it. I have always been careful about asking for these letters since that time and I write outstanding letters for people myself, or I won’t write them at all.

Whom to Ask

The ideal recommendation letter writer should have good knowledge about you as an individual. They should know what goes into writing a good recommendation letter. If you have been asked to turn in more than one recommendation letter, try for letters about different parts of your life: a professional letter, an academic letter, volunteer letter, and a character letter should together highlight all your major accomplishments. Do not forget to get a job-related letter from a current or former boss.

What to Include

A good reference letter needs specifics relevant to your new job. It helps to remind the reader of your accomplishments, so give a list of them to the writer. You should also let them know where the letter is being sent. The letter reader will be looking for proof of like accomplishments, punctuality, leadership, and the ability to get along with coworkers and supervisors.

Sometimes, a letter writer will ask you to write the letter and they will sign it. However, it is really better for them to write it with your input and know what is on the page, because HR departments often call the letter writers and ask them about the information to 1) get a better understanding of you and your relationship with him or her as the letter writer, and 2) make sure that the letter is real.

When to Ask

When leaving a job, ask your manager for a recommendation letter the week before you go. As time progresses, it becomes harder to track down people for letters. The same goes for professors’ recommendations upon graduating from college and even high school. Ask you professors a few weeks before you graduate. Keep copies digitally or in a hard copy file. During your career, you can amass a robust series of references. People will ask that you to send the letter directly to their attention, but having a file of letters is always a good idea. You can give employers copies of general reference letters addresses To Whom It May Concern or Dear Potential Employers.

What to Give the Person that Writes the Letter

Make sure to give the recommendation letter writer a good list of specific accomplishments that you have made that they may recall and are familiar with. Sit down with them and discuss it, if necessary. The list will help them remember and make their letter strong. You should also send them a copy of your resume so that they can target the letter toward your career field. Also, give them an addressed, self-stamped envelope so they can easily send the letter without extra work and expense.

Follow-up

Make sure to thank the letter writer verbally and with a written note. This will ensure that you can keep them as a good business contact, as well as just plain good manners.