Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman

This is my 50th hub, and by way of celebrating this milestone, i'm indulging and sharing my journey about the time when i turned 50, or 'golden girl'. 50 is a good number, not that i'm into numerology. But, a milestone is a milestone, and when i hit that age, it was a critical time in my life. It was the year i found my redefinition, and in writing my 50th hub, who know's if there is a new defining that's about to happen again. Will i be writing more hubs, or publishing a dream photo book? Who knows.

But before i go ahead of myself, i do want to express my heartfelt gratitude to the HubPages community for welcoming me 7 months ago, and allowing me to write (and challenge my skills) and connect with many wonderful writers, some who i have come to endear. Muchos gracias! Gratis! Mahalo! Salamat!

"You're only as young as the last time you changed your mind", and when i turned fifty that's exactly what i did. I retired from my corporate life of 15 years. After putting in years of so much hard work, running corporations, i had completely burned out. I quit in order to save myself. I didn't like that i had become so much like a robotic machine and serving someone's else's vision, opposed to my soul and essence. This artificial makeover had taken it's toll on me, psychologically, physically and even socially. When your family and dear friends tell you, time and time again, 'you have no time for us', they hurt and they mean it. If you hear yourself saying 'I'm too busy" much too often, then you are likely missing out on what is truly most important in your being in this planet. Like i did. This is just one of the many lessons i learned from my unholy pursuit in our material world. People are more important than things.

Let me quote in part Jules Feiffer, "At sixteen I was stupid, confused and indecisive. At twenty-five I was wise, self-confident, prepossessing and assertive. At forty-five I am stupid, confused, insecure and indecisive... "

At age 49 i was scared. I was about to cross over what i thought then, was the inevitable dreadful middle-age. You can go ahead and surmise why i felt this way. Anyway, i didn't let anyone onto me, how depressed and horrified i was. I really thought my life was over, and that i was going to just fade away into nothingness. I didn't have a clue what to do with myself, and whatever i imagined to do, i didn't like what i saw. But one 90 year old lady would change all that. I was fortunate enough to watch the mother of my brother in law play piano in one of her solo concerts. I still remember vividly, watching her fragile figure, slightly stooped back, wearing a lovely long gown, her hair well coiffed, a crown of beautiful grey (never been dyed), and with arthritic fingers play skillfully, from memory, classic from music piece after piece, applauded profusely by an adoring audience. As she played, i couldn't help but think that i was wasting away the one and only life God had given me. But there she was, like a heaven sent gift, bringing a powerful game changing message just for me . I was completely knocked off my socks that night, i left that concert hall deeply reflective, and wonderfully inspired. Rebuked as well.

To celebrate my 50th birthday, i actually threw a once in a lifetime party by inviting friends and family to personally thank them for the priceless community they have afforded me. I made special mention of those who, knowingly and unknowingly, were the bridges that kept me sane, alive and strong, for the long haul. That night, I even wore a mustard yellow outfit to make a bold statement of my maturing.

Aging can be a cruel thing, if you let it. I find that many of the young tend to look down at our so called 'age group' as inutile and irrelevant. I used to be intimidated by technology, like many of my baby boomer friends. But, unlike them, i not raring to 'age' sooner than i should. I have too much of a curiosity about the world i am still breathing in, and i want to continue to be part of the great big and exciting technological 'wiring'. I know my passion, that's why I went back to school and took a Computer course. I was the oldest student around, would you believe? But, i didn't care. I have to say, it's the best thing i ever did. It's unbelievable what a little machine and the techno highway will open to anybody, including a 'grama' like me. Now, I am back in the map, and have recaptured my lost dream to be a photo journalist. The negative voices that used to taunt me and say 'i can't do it' has, so far as i know, have been silenced. Or, even if they are still around, i'm much too happily engrossed to listen