From Gus’s Redneck’s Kitchen (Specializing in Bait, Tackle and Haute Cuisine)

For folks who like funny country stories and great country food all on the same plate

The Sweeper

Johnny was a high school boy of the age of 17 or so. He was still in the ninth grade.

That was not remarkable. Johnny was, as the saying goes, somewhat slow.

He was, however, a very fine boy and did a great job sweeping up at the chemical factory where he had a part-time job after school let out each day. They didn’t pay Johnny much, but whenever he was handed his ten bucks a week (in cash!) The boss would say, "Johnny, here’s your pay. You have earned every penny of it."

Outside the factory was a large weed-strewn yard surrounded by a decaying fence.

Leaning up against the building was a rusty air conditioner housing that the boss had purchased from somewhere. He had thought to install the thing to help cool the factory. It rusted away outside in the yard because no one had ever gotten around to doing anything with it.

Also the yard contained a variety of critters. The reason for them - part of what the chemical factory produced were products used in biological laboratories. These were what are known as "culture media."

Culture media are things that scientists use to grow cultures of microbes; that is bacteria and the like. Culture media frequently contain some animal blood. That was the reason for the critters in the yard.

In addition to producing culture media, the company was in the business of collecting radioactive waste materials from hospitals and factories.

This waste was stored in 55-gallon steel drums out there in the weed-covered yard. As you might guess, the drums were mostly rusted and falling apart.

One day Johnny told the boss that one of the yard chickens had made a nest in the rusty hulk of the air conditioner leaning against the building. He mentioned that the "eggs were really good eating."

The boss, quite worried now, cautioned Johnny to not eat any eggs from the yard chickens because "those eggs are radioactive."

"No," said Johnny, "those eggs are just fine eating.

Before Johnny reported for sweeping duty the next day, the boss went out to the nest in the air conditioner and grabbed the fresh egg newly laid in the nest.

When he replaced the egg in the nest it had a little yellow sticker on it. The sticker sported that magenta-colored shield and the words, "Caution-Radioactive" on it.

Johnny arrived. He went outside to get his egg. He raced back in, sought out the boss and told him in a really excited voice, "Boss, you were right. Those eggs are radioactive!"

Actually, you can use any part of the chicken, fry it, and top it with some of this sauce.

In fact you can even fry strips of the meat substitute, seitan, in place of chicken if you prefer a vegan diet.

Fried chicken wings are traditional for this dish. Fry 2 or 3 pounds of wings.

For buffalo wings sauce the easiest way imaginable - Melt a half stick of butter or margarine. Add a tablespoon of white wine vinegar and 4 to 6 tablespoons of a good red pepper sauce.

Add in the fried chicken wings and mix to nicely coat the wings with sauce.

Another good version of buffalo wings mixes the fried wings with a sauce made by heating together 3 tablespoons of ketchup, 2 tablespoons of soy sauce, 2 teaspoons of sugar, 1/4 teaspoon each of ground ginger and crushed red pepper. Then make a slurry of 1 tablespoon of cornstarch with about 2 tablespoons of water and add that to the hot sauce mixture so as to thicken it. If that is not enough sauce, double or triple everything (or more).

Bring the sauce to a boil and use it to cover the wings. Alternatively, they can be dipped.

If you like "hotter" wings, use more crushed red pepper.

These Buffalo-style wings and other, meatier, chicken pieces (sauced the same way) surely are a lot better eating than are radioactive chicken eggs!

More of Gus’s Redneck Recipes are here on Hubpages, and you can get a free download of one version of his "Redneck Rub(R) Cookbook" at www.sampsonafb.com

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