If you were to be asked this question, how would you answer it? "How do you feel about yourself?" Or "What is your opinion about yourself?" For many people, there is a range of answers. Some would answer, "I feel good about myself." Many though, would say that they hate themselves; they are clumsy, dumb, crazy, or other similar answers.

One very important point is that how you feel about yourself is guided by what you are thinking. What you are thinking, is influenced by what you tell yourself. Below is a simplified diagram on this subject:

What I tell myself in my mind ---> Influences my thinking ---> Determines how I feel about myself

The next thing you need to know is what are some of the most common types of thinking errors.

These are some of the most common thinking errors that people fall into:

1. Perfectionism - This is a common one. You set up very high, even impossible, standards that in reality you can never live up to. Then, when you fail to achieve a particular goal, you may fall into the idea that you will never live up to or achieve that goal. The danger here is that you may give up entirely. Example: You can never fail a test. You fail one test, which sets you up to give up entirely on the course, or even school itself. Continuing this type of thinking is a guaranteed way of being miserable.
2. Exaggerating The Negative - Another common thinking error. Very often, you will overemphasize any personal failure or imperfection on your part. You will also minimize your positive accomplishments and good points. Again, this type of thinking will eventually distort all your thinking.
3. Black or White Thinking - You see things as either on or off, black or white, with no gray areas. If something does not meet your expectations or standards (this is closely linked with perfectionism), you see it as a total failure. An example would be skipping one day of your exercise program, leads you to stop exercising completely.
   
4. Downplaying Positive Things - Every time someone points out something positive about you, you immediately insist that what you did does not count or does not matter anyway. This type of thinking will take any joy out of life quickly.
5. Predicting bad things will happen - You take any situation and immediately think that the worst will happen. A subset of this is predicting what people will think about you. Many times you will say that people will look down on you if you were to go to a party. For example. You think, "I can't go to the prom, because everyone there will laugh at me. No one really likes me anyway."
   
6. Must and Should Statements - You tell yourself that you "must" do this or you "should" do that. This type of thinking will only lead to guilt and frustration. You set yourself up for incredible disappointment by telling yourself to do things that are probably not achievable or even necessary. ¹
   

1. Start writing down what you are telling yourself. For many years, mental health professionals have discovered that people's behavior is largely determined by what they think. Furthermore, what people think about themselves is largely governed by what they tell themselves. The first thing you need to do is write down what you are telling yourself. This is a very important step.

2. After you write your thoughts down, using the above list, try and categorize what type of thinking error the statement falls under. For example, you say something like, "I always do something stupid." This would be an exaggerated statement, which is not true. Everyone can do something correctly. In fact, you probably do a lot of things correctly, but do not give yourself credit.

3. Start refuting each and every one of these lies with the truth. Make sure you write this down. There is nothing like seeing your thinking errors on paper, and then seeing the truth right along side them.

4. Do this exercise on a daily basis, and do not let any thinking error go by without refuting it. The more you refute these errors, the more you will be able to find, locate, and destroy your thinking errors. This in turn will enable you to feel better about yourself.

Trying to fight and overcome thinking errors is not easy, but it can be done. It takes consistent application of the steps outlined above. If you need extra help, please go to either a psychologist or psychiatrist that uses cognitive behavioural therapy techniques. You can feel better about yourself. You do not need to remain unhappy and miserable.

1 Burns, David D., M.D., "The Feeling Good Handbook", Plume, N.Y., 1999, pp 8 - 11.