He told me he wanted a woman who was strong, who could think for herself, take care of herself, who is not emotionally needy, who would understand his fears and help him conquer them as he would for her. He told me he would support me in my goals for a career, for putting the past behind me and show me that life with a man is not a dictatorship, but a partnership, with two people working together to achieve happiness, financial security and a peaceful life together. He told me all the things I wanted to hear and made me believe in him.

I am confused. I struggled with my previous perceptions of men learned by previous relationships. I stumbled a bit, but I tried to alter my perceptions of the past to make way for the present and the future.

Just when I thought I was OK, this is right, this is how it is suppose to be...BAM! I was sideswiped, knocked down and hit over the head. Oh, he was good. He would word his desires in a way that would make me think they would benefit us both, that we were working towards a future together, fulfilling each of our goals together. I postponed my goals to help him start on the path to achieve his. I wanted him to succeed.

I eventually found myself in a situation I had been in before. I gave of myself to help another only to be manipulated into a "nothing". I am no longer able to think for myself, I am told what to do, when to do it and how to do it. I am criticized for not having motivation, for bringing him down, no goals, and no ambitions.

With each stand I make to be true to my 'self' and work towards a good relationship, I am knocked down with criticism, name-calling, and blame for his inadequacies. I am accused of sponging off of him, being lazy, not working towards a better future, blah, blah, blah.

So, I sit here and wonder what am I not doing? Where am I failing him? The confusion has started to clear. I am not the one failing in this relationship; he was not looking for a partner in life, but an opponent. All the traits he wanted were for his enjoyment of command and conquer. The battlefield was our life together. Check...

Each accusation of how I am not doing the right things or not doing enough brings a halt to the things I am doing. I no longer want to help him achieve his goals. I want to achieve mine. I can no longer be happy for him when WE complete a big project and he buys himself some new "toy". I want to buy a "toy" for myself. I no longer stress about the bills and try to plan ahead financially. He has different plans. How can I do more, have ambitions, motivations to achieve goals when I have to get permission to pursue them?

Checkmate... the queen is captured.