How to Sleep With a Woman
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I’d imagine a number of men arrived here with the hopes of finding something lewd and explicit. You’ll have to forgive me, as the title is actually quite literal; this article is about sleeping in the same bed with a wife, girlfriend, whatever -- as opposed to whatever naughtiness your mind was hoping for.
If you think the way you sleep next to a woman is insignificant, you’re one of many (men and women alike) who don’t realize how easily broken down a relationship can become when certain sleeping habits are exhibited. The way you wake up has a profound effect on how your subconscious perceives the person you’ve woken up next to. The way you sleep next to each other really says an awful lot about the true status of your relationship. The further apart you position yourselves, the directions you face, the body contact or lack thereof is very telling when it comes to evaluating the relationship.
Even if you love, love, love the person you’re with, and sleep a foot apart from them in bed, this can eventually take its toll, making the subconscious feel as though a couple is growing apart. I realize some people get overheated or can’t sleep when piled on top of another person. I am one of you, so don’t think I’m saying you have to cuddle all night long. You don’t. This is just a discussion on how certain positions can affect a relationship, and how less and less of a good thing can lead to emotional detachments. The fact is, most women need at least a marginal degree of contact in bed - and I'm not talking about that kind!
Cuddling.
People who are mad about each other often do this. Not everyone, obviously, but many. This can take a variety of forms, but generally just means completely wrapped up around each other, regardless of the specific position. If you start out cuddling in the beginning of your relationship, and watch the frequency dwindle over a period of weeks, months and years, the subconscious takes note. You should try to maintain some degree of continuity, or the other person will (subconsciously) read this as a decline in interest. You don’t need a never-ending cuddlefest to do this, but you should make an effort to do it at least once or twice a week – maybe on weekends when you aren’t overwhelmed by work. It makes a difference, believe me.
Funny Video: How to Avoid a Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed
Spooning.
I hate this word. I don’t know why, but I always have, and am cringing as I write it. But most people use it with some regularity, so I’m including the term for the purposes of this article. A lot of happy couples sleep this way, but some can’t take the heat – literally. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it for 5 or 10 minutes and then shift to something else. I get very hot from this and absolutely cannot sleep this way, but I don’t mind it initially.
Sleeping on one's stomach.
This is me. I can only sleep on my stomach. This can pose a problem when a partner wants to be closer to you, but you can’t sleep any other way. Hand holding is helpful in this situation, but you could also resolve the feelings of distance by simply moving closer. Sometimes it's enough to just brush up against someone while sleeping. The idea isn’t to feel like you’re slow dancing in bed – just to feel like you’re together.
Sleeping back to back.
This should be pretty obvious. If you’re both on your sides and facing opposite directions, that’s strong body language, even when asleep. Some people can only sleep on their sides, and some can only sleep on a certain side of the bed – but it’s rare that both people would have a need for this. To resolve the distance, whomever is comfortable switching sides, should do so; this will result in both people facing each other, which is a better alternative.
Hand holding.
Don’t laugh – this is a really, really good alternative when you can’t stand being too close to someone for whatever reason. Holding hands does not emit an exorbitant level of heat, and it doesn’t require being piled on top of another person. If you’re someone who needs space, this is a good way of maintaining it, but still letting your partner know you want to be there with them. Obviously, you’re not going to be holding hands when you wake up, but that’s ok.
Things you shouldn’t expect her to do.
- Don’t expect her to sleep with her head on your chest -- This can really hurt the neck even after a short period of time, and even more so if you’re a guy with a big chest. The angle just isn’t conducive to comfort.
- Don’t expect her to cuddle with you from behind -- Most women don’t like the idea of cuddling a man – it's just not very feminine feeling, especially if you are larger than she is. Its not even easy to do, because most men have broader shoulders.
- Don’t expect her to sleep with you arm under her back all night -- That can really start to hurt after awhile. It’s nice to want to hold her, but there has to a better way.
- Don’t get upset if she tells you she’s too hot to cuddle -- You’re probably bigger than she is, and that means you have a greater surface area of heat transference; if she’s already hot by nature, this can drive her mad. Do it for a few minutes, and then try an alternative (hand holding, etc) to keep the physical contact.
There are exceptions to every rule, but the way a couple sleeps together can determine how long they stay together. Even if you're perfectly happy, inadvertently putting distance between you and her can create problems where none would have existed otherwise. The worst thing about it, is it's all subconscious - which makes it incredibly difficult to resolve. If you at least make an effort to maintain some kind of physical contact as mentioned here, that's just one less problem you have to work out in the future.
xx Isabella
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Comments
Hahaha.....i wasn´t aware of the effect of bad sleeping habbits.
Great hub isabella
yours
J.T
The positions my husband and I sleep in change all the time, but I always notice we find a way to touch one another. If he comes to bed long after I've gone to sleep, he always snuggles really close and I love it. It doesn't help, though, that we share the bed with two furry beasts who think the bed is more theirs than ours.
Coolbreeze - Thanks!
JT - Glad you liked it!
Stacie - That's very sweet, you are lucky to have that, many people do not. Keeping some degree of contact is really important!
Interesting information! My fiance and I sleep in different positions, but we always touch, even if just our feet or legs are crossed. We DO tend to sleep back to back, but we're still touching and we're both comfortable that way. He gets VERY warm while sleeping, and sleeping facing each other can be uncomfortable with different body temps, exhaled breath temperatures, etc. PLUS, he likes to watch TV in bed, so he faces in that direction and I face away from it...
I find touch important, but the way we find it no as much... :)
Well, there are exceptions to every rule, Deborah.. if it works for you, thats great! :)
I loooove spooning (sorry... you said you didn't like the term, but I love it!). I cannot sleep on my front, it crushes my .... and that is painful. Sleeping on my back is too 'serious' so my favorite has always been side by side, the closer the better! and ovbiously NO pijamas :-)
LOL, you saucy thing! ;)
Great HUB Isabella!
regards Zsuzsy
Great Hub. Probably the most important thing I learned all week!
I (and my wife) prefer to sleep in separate rooms. There are at least two benefits:
- you don't spoil your partner's sleep with snoring, coughing, sneezing, movements, etc.
- when you finally get together in one bed, it's all fresh and brand spanking new :D
Great hub isabella . I'll take your advice! thanx
For us it's a dance if an overhead camera speeds up the final film. First the spooning, or arm-overs, then a bumping and shoulder-to-shoulder, then finally apart on our backs. I have to sleep on my back for a restful sleep.
Nice hub, though I knew there would be nothing sleazy, only interesting stuff.
If I wanted hot, I could always go to your book site! :)
That video was hilarious!
Zuz - Thanks! :)
Moneyguy - Aw, thank you! :)
Misha - Yeah, snoring is a problem. I might write something on that...
Cleanclover - Thank you! Hope it helps! :)
Kenny - LOL. Well your dance works for you, obviously! And I loved that vid too, I hope more people watch it. ;)
I never htought about it! We usually start cuddling and eventually end up tangled.
I cannot sleep in a bed with another person - too confining. I would grow tiger jaws in my sleep and inadvertantly shred a person. I would like to sleep in a large hammock all the time, actually.
I like feeling her lying next to me. I especially like wrapping my legs up with her's. Touching her in any way (hands, bodies, faces) not only makes me feel close to her, but is also (duh!) quite a turn-on. Only problem is that I am a very active sleeper and thrash about a good bit. But when I wake up, I know what position I'm heading for!
Isabella - great advice - My wife and I always 'make up' in bed. Even if we are mad with one another we cuddle up and make our peace before falling asleep - Sleeping together (not just the sex!) is key to a good relationship.
Just read more of your writing...
You are amazon....
Thank you...
Again, Isabella, you have given us, often clueless men, a great insight. Thanks and Happy Holidays.
I will get this emailed to my boyfriend( he wont know i sent it lol :D
This was entertaining. Every three years or so I'll come to bed and my wife will have changed sides of the bed. It's the oddest thing to switch sides. Any idea what triggers this? I guess we can't get too complacent.
Marye - That's why you've been married so long. ;)
Patty - Girl.. I hear you, believe me. ;-p
Doc - Good! That should keep you doing it then. ;)
Rik - Thank you! I'm glad you agree! :)
Joey - You're very sweet, thank you! :)
Garuda - You're welcome! And Happy Holidays to you, too! :)
Tone - LOL, I hope it does what you want it to do. ;)
Paul - Thanks! Though I have no idea what the answer to that is.. I have changed sides but usually only after moving and feeling diferent in the new room. Has it coincided with a move? Or pregnancy? Or other major change? If not, you gotta ask Robin. ;)
good hub.... carryon....
Great topic, Isa. I agree with your opinions on this subject for sure. However, I've been sleeping in the recliner since the accident. :~(>
This hub should be required reading for everyone who plans to truly "spend the night" with a love interest, sex buddy, spouse, etc. etc. A bad night of joint sleep can (almost) wipe out the sexual joy and ecstacy from the night before. Especially the heat thing. My body could provide power for a small Serbian village if necessary. Sometimes when it's cold, I love a woman snuggled up against me. I heat her, she keeps me comfy and her cool skin helps to absorb the infernal conflagration that constantly burns within me. But if it's summer, stay away. I love you, but stay away, because I might scald you, young lady! Great, fun hub, as always.
Jim
Narayan - Thanks!
Fret - Are you still in the cast????
James - Yeah.. that hotness factor can definitely ruin the mood, LOL! Hand holding would probably help in those situations. ;)
What about the foot touch?? The Boy and I can't sleep intertwined (too hot), and the hand-holding never lasts long, but we always keep our feet touching somehow. It works well 'cause he moves around a lot, but I'm pretty stationary on my stomach, and feet can cuddle at any angle! Great hub.
Very nice read,
My partner and I adopt the haystack approach, since niether of us seem to be able to sleep in any given position very long. The wake-up looks like something you'd come up with playing twister.
Seriously though, I think I'm going to go with what Helena said, it sounds as close as we can get to routine.
Also wanted you to know that I cringed at the word spooning too, sounds... aweful.
Great hub
THoog.
Interesting hub; made us all think about our sleeping habits with a partner around. I like being cuddled :-) and snuggling and "spooning" (but have to make sure hair doesnt get in the way haha). The video is hilarious!
great hub my dear..my favorite is the star gazer...LOVE THE FEEL OF HIS HAIRY CHEST and my hands are free to go where they feel like..tsk tsk..as of now am missing this though..I am definately a cuddler.but also seem to have cold feet first thing when climbing into bed..ummm better stop here many thoughts are rolling through my mind...G-Ma :O)
Great hub, Isabella - and a hilarious video. No mention, however, of bedclothes. Wifie and I use duvets (down comforters) rather than sheets and blankets, except in very hot weather, but either way I get the same problem - she wraps the bedclothes firmly round her as she turns over, and I end up exposed to the elements.
Many years ago, we changed to using two sets of single bed linen, overlapping. The king-size fleece that covers it all in winter (we don't like central heating in bedrooms, and don't use aircom anywhere), gets invaded by felines, which complicates life a bit.
Great read. I always have trouble sharing a bed for the evening. My fiancee is the Queen of Hogging the Bed.
Great hub. I really need to make my boyfriend read it (as well as some of your other great hubs for guys!) This is actually something I like to try to keep in mind, but it can be so difficult sometimes! I sleep on my side, but not one or the other consistently, and sometimes cuddling before we sleep (ie head-on-chest) leaves me feeling uncomfortable such that I want to roll over, but I worry about facing away from him. We don't live together though, and have only been together for 5 months so we do tend to cuddle before and after sleep, do you think that’s good enough even if every now and then we happen to face away or lie farther apart every so often?
Like you, I can only sleep on my stomach! My boyfriend likes to spoon, and we quite often still do, but I don't often sleep that way. Usually we compromise, by me sleeping on my stomach and him throwing his leg over my back and cuddling up to me...it sounds silly, but I'm so much smaller than him that it works. :-)
great hub, and you are dead on about not sleeping on a man's chest. Looks nice in movies and commercials but not good for the real deal :)
isabelle,
I tried sleeping with different ones but it ends unsatisfactory for both. Then I sleep
with two others for three years and I got so spoiled i never went back to sleeping with another. I have been sleeping alone for 20 years now. My cat is great company. But she knows to be careful. I have PTSD and restless leg syndrome(the other leg is stuck in park).
I have terrible movements and even have hit a partner. I have dived out of bed and have many stitches. I kick and shout in three languages. So I sleep very lightly if someone is staying over and am dragged out the next day.
That was a good post that made my day. If I want racy literature, I go to Psalms,
(songs of Solomon in particular), but for real trash, Lady Chatterley's lover was banned in every language. That is real classic literature; Nabakov's, Lolita is another classic but certainly not in the sleaze department. It is more funny and character intense than anything else. The subject matter, though, put it right at the top of the best seller list, even if there was really no sex.
Keep up the good work. thanx
Scary thought. My wife and I sleep on our oppositessides facing apart from one another at opposite sides of the bed.
Are you stating that this means something? If so, how do I fix it? Daniel.
pretty simple steps. Even a caveman can do it.
working
coolbreeze says:
7 months ago
Very Nice I enjoyed reading it.