Relaxed vs. Natural Hair

Over 2 years ago I decided I wanted to stop chemically straightening my hair and start wearing it in its natural kinky curly state.  My first attempt lasted only a short time because I got frustrated and impatient with the process of transitioning from relaxed to natural hair. 

The second attempt I managed to grow my hair out enough to make the transition, but instead of staying natural I got a Wave Nouveau perm, which made my hair wavy and curly. I Ioved the wash and go versatility of the Wave Nouveau perm and my hair seemed to grow rapidly.  But I soon discovered that my hair shedded a great deal.  And eventually after several months I noticed my hair was breaking off severely.  This could have been because I went longer than I should have between services however.  Nonetheless, I had patches in my hair where it was broken off down to the new growth. 

At this point, I got all the perm cut out of my hair and boycotted chemicals all together.  Soon I became an advocate for all that was natural.  I started to experiment with various hair oils and homemade products I created in my kitchen.  I researched natural hair care and style ideas.  I wore my hair in comb twists, then as it grew I went to 2 strand twists.  Eventually I got tired of those styles and just wore it in an afro with a head band.

Then, one day after being completely natural for over a year, I decided to get a texturizer, which is basically a very mild relaxer that doesn't completely straighten the hair, just loosens the curl. I was hoping to get back that wash and go versatility I had with the Wave Nouveau.  Since it had been over a year since I had put any chemical in my hair besides color my hair had grown out quite a bit. When I put the texturizer in,  my hair just looked like a mop on my head.  It had no shape or style and needed to be at least trimmed up.  Since I could not get my hair cut right away I wore it to work like that styling it the best way I could.

In a conversation at lunch with an African American male coworker I was told that I needed to straighten my hair and cut it in a cute short style.  He said I would be surprised at how people will perceive me if I did this.  Initially, I rebelled against this but later gave in.  The response was amazing.  It seemed like people who didn't notice me before were noticing me now.  More people smiled and were friendlier to me at my work place.

I loved my natural hair.  And I love natural hair period.  I kept my hair natural for as long as I did because I wanted to honor who I was.  The reality however, that I discovered with the transformation back to straight hair is that people respond to you based on your appearance.  Where I live natural hair on an African American female is not the norm.  It is becoming a very big trend across the country but its still not as widely accepted as straight, relaxed hair.  Even among blacks.  The coworker who told me to change my hair is a black male and someone I consider a friend so I listened to him. He told me that most men prefer straight relaxed hair styles on women than natural, kinky curly styles unless they are eccentric.

In a business environment, especially with a predominately white staff, relaxed hair is more understood and welcomed.  Natural hair styles are questioned and only tolerated.  Many times a natural haired female who styles her hair in various styles will be questioned every time she changes her hair style.  To me this was annoying.  At times, I wasn't so friendly because of the approach people took when asking me about the way I wore my hair.  But when you are different than the people around you, curious and brave souls will question your differences.

When I thought about this more I got angry because I felt I had given in to the status quo by changing my hair.  I did not ever want to do something just to fit in.  I expressed this anger to my coworker/friend and he said that truly it wasn't that deep. He said,the reality was that I looked better with straight hair than natural, kinky curly hair.  While I appreciated the compliment I had to disagree with his initial statement. I believe it actually is that deep.  A black woman who choses to wear her hair in a natural state is making a statement whether she wants to or not.  And she will have to stand by that statement because she will be judged according to her hairstyle--even from her own race.  To put it in perspective, I think about our country's First Lady Michelle Obama.  Beautiful, intelligent and stylish as she is, do you think she would be First Lady if she wore dreads?  Unfortunately, I doubt it.

By electing a black first family to lead our country, we can't deny that we have made great strides.  But there are still steps that we have to take.  The truth is, my hair is "nappy", kinky, and curly.  But now instead of wearing it that way I have a chemical in it to make it straight.  But no chemical can take away the fact of who I am and the way I am, the way God made me.  Natural, nappy hair is beautiful.  Its God made.  So, after saying all of this I ask the question, is chemically straightening our hair a rejection of God's design or is it a freedom to be creative with what He gave us?