Im sure there are a lot of good people out there who happen to be religious. However, in my years on this earth, the biggest hypocrites Ive ever met were Christians.

You know the type, the ones who go to church every sunday and talk about the other churchgoers while theyre supposed to be praying. If you are going to preach the bible's message, at least understand what you read and do as you teach.

They are usually the first ones to call someone a "fag" and say it's against god to be gay. That's one of the biggest contradictions of all. They say god made everyone, yet he hates some of his little children? If god made us all then he made the gays and it's ok to be that way. You cant have it both ways.

Some of the sickest people out there are sick because of religion. Organized religion is just a fancy word for "cult." Look at what cults do. They draw weak people in and brainwash them into giving them all their money. When you go to church, dont they beg you for your "contribitions?"

"If you do not do as the Christians do, youre wrong." Religion is supposed to be about love. As a whole, it isnt any longer. Every religion thinks theyre god is the only god and that their way is the only way. If you dont do what they do, you will not get into heaven. If thats true then god must be awfully lonely waiting for company.

I knew a girl who was so wacked out on meth and continued to read the bible day after day, until she was so confused she threw it at me and told me, "Read it! The end of the world is coming! See the rain drops on the trees? Those are angel tears! Theyre crying! You better get your son out of here! Im taking my boy, are we going together?" She really needed to put the book down. Probably the meth also.

When they start knocking on my door, theyve gone too far. "Spreading the word" door to door should be illegal. I dont bother them, they should never bother me. Religion spawns fanatics. If I wanted to hear about your hypocritical god I would go to your church.

There is a woman Ive known for years who likes to call herself a Christian. Everyday she gave money to her kids for drugs. She took a child from his own mother for no reason other than she wanted him as her own. She watched her son beat his pregnant wife and never stepped in to help. She lied, cheated and stole from her own husband. She never had a kind word to say about anyone and instead smiled to people's faces while she spread nasty rumors behind their backs. All of her Christian friends are just like her.

There is a difference between these types of people and good Christians. Not all are bad. My mother is a Christian and used to try and push the bible and church on me. When she finally understood she was only pushing me away, she stopped. Now we have an understanding that works for us. She knows I have my own beliefs and that is my choice. And I accept hers, even if I dont agree with it. This is what normal, sane people do. The insane religion addicts dont know how to accept someone who believes in something that is different from what they believe in.

Be wary when one knocks at your door and attempts to invade your privacy. You do not have to open it and listen to their garbage. You have choices.

You can answer the door and hear what they have to say.

You can choose to ignore it. Let them knock. Theyll go away sooner or later but most likely will leave a pamphlet on your door knob. This comes in handy later if you run out of toilet paper or you need something to start a fire with.

You can answer the door naked, tell them youre a nudist and invite them in, letting them know youre more than happy to listen if they dont mind your nakedness. After all, this is what YOU believe in and theyre at YOUR house.

You can change the direction of the conversation by talking about your own religion and asking them if they want to listen to the word of Allah, the almighty.

You can tell them you dont have time right now but please, here is my number and give me a call later. I would love to hear about your religion. Dont give them your number of course, but the number of your closest friend.

There are many options when it comes to dealing with door knockers, as you can see. When they are in your face, putting their hands on you and asking if they can "pray for you" it gets a little trickier. I personally feel if they can touch you without your consent, you can punch them in the face without theirs.

This reminds me of yet another fanatic Christian. She was living in a shelter with her 5 children. One room for the lot of them. At first when I met her I thought she was a nice person, sometimes the fake can fool the good hearted. It wasnt until she saw demons and black smoke surrounding me & began speaking in tongues that I started to wonder about her sanity. Then came her stories about seeing Jesus in parking lots surrounded by white clouds and the almighty god talking to her and waking her up at night. A short time later, her "husband" got a weekend off from prison (no kidding) and came to stay with her. The two of them spent the time together doing drugs and drinking. What a saint.

So the next time someone calls you a sinner or tells you how you're living is wrong because god says it is, think about what they must be doing behind closed doors to judge you. Christians are not supposed to judge others. That is god's job. "Judge not lest you be judged." I think the hypocrits need that tattooed on their foreheads as a reminder.

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world- Richard Dawkins

Other fun things to do when they come knocking:

• Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.

• Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.

• Excuse yourself from the front door and DO NOT come back.

• Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls. (bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last religious folk who visited you.)

• Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

Some fun things for non-christians to do in church:

• Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."

• A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the scheduled sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish Homosexuals".

• Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"

• Make up your own words to the songs.

• When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.

• Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.

• Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the church next Saturday at midnight.

One Sunday morning during service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying sub-machine guns. One of the men proclaimed, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ, remain where you are."

Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled, and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000, there only remained around 20. The man who had spoken took off his hood, looked at the preacher and said, "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites. Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!" And the two men turned and walked out.