Which definition of Resilience is more apt as the title of Elizabeth Edwards’ new book?

1. A speedy recovery from problems.
2. The ability to quickly spring back into shape after being stretched?

Well, I’m not sure the first one is apt for several reasons: Mrs. Edwards still has terminal cancer; her husband is never, ever getting to the White House now and is also being investigated for misuse of campaign funds that were paid to his former mistress, Rielle Hunter, for videography work. Surely, their marriage is still under a bit of a strain. He lied to her from the beginning, saying it was a one night stand. He practically forced her, according to the book (only not in those words, I assume), of going out on the campaign trail. She begged him to give it up.

Hmm….other than his philandering phallus, what was stretched? The truth during a presidential campaign? Well, yes, as a matter of fact, the truth did get stretched. The wallets of those who believed the Edward’s lies? Yes they got stretched to the tune of $57 million dollars for campaign donations for a charade that Elizabeth helped to perpetuate by remaining silent.

Elizabeth Edwards is on the campaign trail again this month --as in a buy my new book campaign -- which addresses her take on husband John’s affair with videographer, Rielle Hunter, who may not be a videographer at all. According to snippets of video from the Oprah Winfrey show scheduled to be shown on May 7, 2009, I came away with this impression of Elizabeth when John told her of the affair: Elizabeth screamed, she threw up and then went out to stump for her husband who was trying to become the 44^th president of the United States.

In her interview with Oprah, she calls Edwards’ former mistress a “pathetic groupie.” Supposedly, Hunter staked out the front of the hotel where he was staying, waiting for him to return from dinner one evening. When he did, Hunter said, “You are so hot." Obviously, that was all it took for him to veer off the path of respected statesman, family man, and steadfast, loyal spouse of 30 years. That hussy!

Had I been a John Edwards supporter and given him any of my money for his campaign, I probably would have screamed and threw up too. I definitely would not have gone on the campaign trail with him. Seriously, is Elizabeth any better than a “pathetic groupie” for having misled thousands of Americans who bought into her husband's family man, anti-poverty crusade?

According to Opensecrets.org, John Edwards’ campaign raised a total of $57,137,322. As one of the premises of Edwards’ campaign was that he refused to accept money from PACs (political action committees) over $35 million of that was from individuals in the form of personal donations. Almost another $13 million came from individuals in the form of federal funds. Fortunately, none of that came from me either, as I never check the box authorizing any of my tax dollars to go to presidential campaigns.

Still, who is Elizabeth to call anyone names after she helped to perpetuate a scam on the American public of such magnitude? That same $57 million could also have gone a long way to help alleviate poverty in this country, should they have stepped forth with the truth:

My fellow Americans, I am officially announcing my withdrawal as a presidential candidate. Elizabeth and I can not in good conscience accept your money for my presidential campaign since that snoopy and untruthful National Enquirer is bound to find out about an affair I had recently, in which I may or may not have fathered a child.

I have come clean to my faithful spouse, who, I promise, used American made toothpaste after she threw up. There is simply no truth in rumors that our toothpaste was made in China. We don’t have to shop at the Dollar Store. As you know, I have been a successful litigator for many years. It has helped me to realize the American dream of being able to build my 29,000 square foot house across the street from a property we feel is quite slummy due to the “Vote for Rudy Giuliani” sign on the fence post.

So, my fellow Americans, I plan to return every penny of your money if I have to sue every pie maker in the country. All husbands can be safe from their little women who, due to a lack of instructions, don’t know to remove the plastic from the pie before baking. This is un-American, folks! Everyone knows eating pie is a great American pastime up there with baseball and, unfortunately, reading the National Enquirer.

For all you loyal supporters, please consider helping me live up to my promise of helping to alleviate poverty in America by donating your $57 million that I am returning to the War on Poverty. I know my neighbor across the road could use some help.

As Elizabeth said in May of 2007, his property is “slummy,” and he is a scary man since he exercises his second amendment rights to bear arms, making him, as Elizabeth says, “a rabid, rabid Republican.” His single wide trailer is a disgrace to the neighborhood, which is very upscale now that there is a 29,000 square foot house and a former presidential candidate in the neighborhood.

But, hey, y’all need to remember that I am the son of a mill worker, which is a step above my arthritic ex-landscaping neighbor. Too bad he didn’t do some landscaping on his own property before his arthritic knees gave out. Had I been able to continue on to the White House, my healthcare plan may have given him some relief. Speaking of knees, I truly regret being on mine in a hotel with Ms. Hunter. For this, I am truly sorry as both Elizabeth and I wanted to live at the White House where all the guns are carried by respectable men in suits.

See how easy it would have been to fess up to the American public? Instead, both Edwards’ went on the campaign trail, perpetuating lies wherever they went. In my mind, this makes Elizabeth no better than John and his philandering phallus. Yes, I know she has terminal cancer and for that, I feel for her. My own husband died of terminal cancer in November 2006.

How is the swindling of $57 million dollars, over $13 million government money much different than what Bernie Madoff pulled? Many American people invested in John Edwards. Back in the day, philandering didn’t matter, but John knows that today it does. We want a man of highest moral character in our highest office of the land. In that case, both Mr. and Mrs. Edwards allowed Americans of all economic groups to shell out their hard earned money investing in his campaign, knowing he didn’t have the right to the job. He had already lied to those investors and continued to spend their money, like Bernie Madoff, knowing the clock was ticking on his own personal time bomb.

When the National Enquirer did find out about the affair, John Edwards called the allegations false, denying it for months, spending, spending. Only when he got caught secretly visiting Hunter by reporters from the National Enquirer did he come clean. Only now, for money, is Elizabeth speaking up.

If not for Elizabeth’s new book, “Resilience,” this might be old news. Well, maybe not….there is a federal inquiry into whether some of John Edwards’ campaign money was misused, perhaps in payments to his former mistress. Still, where is the personal accountability of both Mr. and Mrs. Edwards in scamming the public? She says in her new book that she knew about the affair before going out on the campaign trail.

If Rielle Hunter is a pathetic groupie, then what is Mrs. Edwards? Is she a pathetic pretender? If it was wronged wife, yes, but how about a pathetic lying cheat herself? I could go a long way in forgiving her if she gave all the money from her book to charity (and some). I haven’t heard that, so we will see if that money goes to make her family even richer, or goes to help alleviate the suffering of poverty stricken Americans.

What is it with women, anyway, who never have a good thing to say about the “other woman,” yet have no problem hanging onto their man? Call him names, damn it! The other woman is not your enemy, your husband is, or at least, his philandering phallus is. For instance, if you break your vow to lose 10 pounds, is it that pathetic Ben and Jerry’s fault? If you break the budget by just having to have that $110 cashmere sweater, is it that pathetic Macy’s fault? Get a grip on reality, Elizabeth (and all you other women out there). The only person who is responsible is the one who just can’t say no. It is called personal accountability. I guess we can’t expect a litigator of John Edwards’s ilk to understand that. If our politicians just can’t say no, why do they expect our children to?